Thank you for breaking me
And making me
A better me

Thank you for hurting me
And making me
A stronger me

Thank you for shooting me
And making me
Bulletproof

Thank you for burning me
And making me
Fireproof

It burns.
Badly.
The burning sensation
Can take over and ****.
But  you begin to like the burn.
Even crave it sometimes.
It's the kind of pain you secretly love.
Kind of like when you hurt someone you love,
Or when someone you love hurts you.
You know it's bad.
You know it's wrong.
But you just can't stop.
Because even though it's awful,
Even though it's painful,
Even though it's lethal,
It all hurts so good.

{alaska}

I looked around your room
And saw a  poem
Saying you were the troublesome ****
That no one really wanted.
And all I could think was,
if you were the unwanted ****,
Than I am the grass
That no one pays attention to.
Always trying to grow as tall as I can go,
Just to be cut back down again.  
Never being appreciated.

And you may be the troublesome **** darling,
But I am the child always thinking
you are the most beautiful flower in the garden.

After a few flings
I'm starting to wonder
If I'm feeling nostalgic
'Cause their kisses
Taste like yours,
I see your smug face
Plastered across each
One of their haunting faces
And their voices are
Starting to sound like yours

And I can't get high
Enough to rid myself of the
Flavor of your kisses
Or your memory
That burns my eyelids
Evey time I close my eyes
But I've learned to
Keep them open

My body has become
A landmine
Waiting to explode
With one flimsy touch
I'll turn every substance
In the vicinity black

I'd apologise
But he doesn't love me
He's just in love with
The idea of being with me
Lust so rich,
Tracing the curves of my body
He leaves no inch
Unexplored leaving his
Fingerprints all over my skin
Watching him turn to ash
Wouldn't be such a bad idea
Then he'd know
Where I'm coming from

i'm punching the walls until they bleed
eyes wide for days without a minute of sleep
i am your bedroom when it's too dark to see
and i am your heart when you hand it to me
i was freezing and wet under the pale sky
with a cigarette in my hand, we made it inside
starting forest fires with the bat of an eye
everything is warm between you and i

the summer i had you was the shortest
the first autumn without you was the hardest
that winter i wasn't sure was the coldest

i try to remember the spring
but only recall sharp teeth
and paper dreams
and the one time i let my breath hold me
and violently refusing to get out of bed
until the sky stopped bleeding
your blood was dark blue
everything you hated about yourself spilled a mess
and i thought it looked better on me than you
so pinned my hair back with a railroad tie
then i flashed a big smile to uninterested eyes
bottled every single one of your sighs
set it on my dresser next to my chanel no. 5
you had such a dangerous tongue
even being the gentlest you could be
every word felt like a paper cut
so i sharpened the ends of each bone in my body
and screamed till i ran out of breath
"i'm ready"

i don't want a boyfriend
or a girlfriend
i want someone to care
i don't want the responsibility
of taking care of someone else
when i can barely handle myself

i want someone to help me
function like a normal human being
and run me a warm bath
when i can't get out of my bed
in fear that the heaviness of
the dull, numbing sadness
trapped in my bones
will cause my body to shatter
and turn to dust
upon impact with the floor.
i want somebody who won't
get angry with me when i
don't feel like talking-

someone who knows that
doesn't mean anything.