I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

It was December
I had thought it was January for the longest time but
it was December
and dead of winter
and dark enough to swallow every fairy light

I only have to think the word ‘frostbite’
and I remember how trapped i felt
in your arms

why didn’t my fists beat no no no

against your chest
why did i lay there

motionless
and if it was so foggy, why do I still

remember everything

when morning crashed over me
I woke up, so warm
I just wanted water
to breathe and to leave
you moved your hands up and down my bare back
and I sat frozen, waiting for my cab

every time someone mentions your name I want to
scream so loud I create a second winter
what you did to me
when i was too dizzy
to stand on my own two feet

I know I know I know all too well

that no one wants to listen

and I hate myself

for continually wondering

was it was it was it
my fault

just when I think I’ve fully, finally scrubbed

your fingerprints from my skin
you step closer
and your shadow
ecl i pses
everything

"I am old" said he
with furrowed brows and weary eyes
leaning closer, as if he had monsters to face
lessons yet to learn, and paths to retrace

"I've lived and loved" said he
he spoke of days come and gone
his eyes sparkling tales every now and again
the stars shining closest, now seeming quite dim

"I've done things" sighed he
bent over, from a weight pressing down
his shoulders slumped forward as if burdened by lies
sadness conveyed by the shame in his eyes

"Forgiveness is yours" said I, leaning in closer yet
I whispered "The demons are gone, and you've no reason to fret"
then I squeezed him so tightly, till he felt mercy unfold
"Your secrets now spoken, and you've broken their hold"

His heart felt relieved, but
he slowly perceived, that his  
confession was heard only by
the mirror as he silently grieved

i can feel your heart beat
the proof of your existence
lying against me
your breath
still lingers in the air
the December chill
makes me shiver
but its worth the cold
to remind of your warmth