It was December
I had thought it was January for the longest time but
it was December
and dead of winter
and dark enough to swallow every fairy light

I only have to think the word ‘frostbite’
and I remember how trapped i felt
in your arms

why didn’t my fists beat no no no

against your chest
why did i lay there

motionless
and if it was so foggy, why do I still

remember everything

when morning crashed over me
I woke up, so warm
I just wanted water
to breathe and to leave
you moved your hands up and down my bare back
and I sat frozen, waiting for my cab

every time someone mentions your name I want to
scream so loud I create a second winter
what you did to me
when i was too dizzy
to stand on my own two feet

I know I know I know all too well

that no one wants to listen

and I hate myself

for continually wondering

was it was it was it
my fault

just when I think I’ve fully, finally scrubbed

your fingerprints from my skin
you step closer
and your shadow
ecl i pses
everything