Sometimes when sitting alone, I forget what I look like.
I become a shadow. A reflection of my own absence.
Then the senses begin to drift off, to obscure themselves, reality's
implications leaving with.
  as my vision fades to vacancy, the eternal blackness opens itself to
  me. the endless empty.
   a speck of dust floating across the sky, a lone pebble in the vast
   ocean's contingent silence, a single face in a grey and absent
   crowd, millions strong. this is me. this is who i become.
    a locked obstruction of fleshy exhaustion, holding within its
    walls a light so delicate, so pure, that it can never leave. it can
    never move beyond the clammy fabric by which its value will
    forever be decided,
     but this is something i try to forget as the cool liquid nothingness
     bends its way through and around my gentle, fragile mind.
      i want to cry, but i cannot.
       i must look forward. i must only look forward.
        until time itself becomes an indifferent childhood memory, lost
        to its own downcast existence.
         There is no beginning.
          There is no end.
           Just an eternal in-between.

Our first kiss came two years late
in a false reality, under careful eyes.
    Your lips were pillowy and of a nondescript temperature.
    It's funny, all the minute details I forgot while in a state of "surprise". A state I was so dedicated to, that I forgot to kiss back.
Then I faked happiness
and so did you.
A couple of frauds, vomiting lies into each other's freshly-****** throats.

How fitting.

mommy died and you barely cared.
you just lied down and froze.
an inner self or some fading instinct flailed and tried desperately to move but every muscle in your body stayed completely still.
you were lying raw beside mommy.
her eyes closed, why didn't yours.
what were you looking at
?

easter cool is fun when the holy day is done
because the holiday began with jesus rising from the grave
the way we celebrate's by eating candies that we crave
that strangely enough were planted in our backyards by a giant anthropomorphic bunny that stands approximately six feet four inches tall and one day decided that he would take it upon himself to commemorate the return of jesus christ our lord and savior by laying eggs full of jelly beans on the private property of innocent Americans i mean who gave this thing permission to do so how does he even lay the eggs and for that matter how does he get the candy in there did he create the candy or buy it from a supermarket if the latter is the case then how did nobody notice the  giant anthropomorphic bunny that stands approximately six feet four inches tall in the snack aisle did none of the employees at this establishment find that a little bit strange or are they used to it at this point do they just wait for the abomination against god and man to walk in once a year and buy the entire store's stock of candy and while we're on the topic how about we confront the question that we all have which is what gender is it like i know i've been saying "he" which i guess is the general assumption but still none of us know for sure maybe it doesn't even have a gender because of its  mythical and magical and legendary status which makes me wonder what gender god is because it's kind of a similar thing in a way like everybody knows the easter bunny is a thing but nobody really gives it a gender we just say "he" because why not and we do the same thing with god in the bible they say "he" and "father" so we still do today but times were different then and we live in a very progressive day and age so people are starting to question the idea of assigning a gender to a deity that we can't even see or fully comprehend so how are we supposed to figure out if it's a boy or a girl or what race it is even that's a good question too what race is god and for that matter what race is jesus many would say white but once again that's because white people during times of accepted inequality couldn't imagine their saviour being any other color but if you think about it he was born near the middle east or somewhere around that region so it seems odd that he would be white at all but who knows really maybe white people lived in the middle east back then or maybe jesus's parents were the black sheep of the place they lived in or white sheep i guess it depends on whether or not you're trying to stay accurate to the analogy or make a clever point on race by flipping it to white sheep instead of black jesus was probably seen as a black sheep okay definitely that's why they killed him and then three days later he proved them all wrong by coming back from the dead which then birthed the holiday of easter which oddly enough we celebrate by eating candy that was given to us by a giant anthropomorphic bunny that stands approximately six feet four inches tall

the birds and stars
lived underground
for i was lost
til you were found

I knew a young man, he lived up in a tree

and when I walked by he threw dreams down on me

Some days he would join me and sit by the tide

Swore to the world he'd never leave my side

Time would walk through us and we'd sing in rhyme

The youthful sounds allowed us to walk right through time

All seemed to be ours, the lands and the skies

but then one day I looked right into his eyes.




Suddenly grass flew from the back of his head

and he pulled out his hair and hysterically said

"Leave me alone, all that you do is wrong"

He stopped talking and then his bones broke into song

The sound soon surrounded me, smashing my ears

while deleting the thoughts of our happiest years

From his brain sprouted nests of impeccable size

They exploded with armies of burning red flies.




He laughed at my weakness, I knew that I'd cry

As he drew even closer, I knew that I'd die

so I ran away swiftly and never looked back

I moved further and soon I saw nothing but black

That's when I saw that I was deep in the woods

among all the beasts, their faces hidden with hoods

Then I saw some young men who sat up in a tree

and when I walked by they threw dreams down on me.




...




So I lived with the locusts and sharp rubber bands

with their hair in their faces and their heads in their hands

There were women with rifles and men without shirts

They cut me a **** that to this day still hurts

Our house was a large aging mushroom of chrome

We knew it wasn't perfect, but it was our home

They grew tired of their land, they were always annoyed

and that's when I saw all of their sad lives destroyed




by my friend, whose fists flew in heavily from the skies

He grabbed me and held me with tears in his eyes

I pushed him away and said "Why are you here?"

and I watched as his eyes changed from sorrow to fear

Then he fell to the ground, spilling geysers of blood

staining miles of grasses with a big dark-red flood

I knelt next to him and held onto his hand

He looked at me, smiled, and he turned into sand




Years later I still scream "don't do this to me

i'm hanging in doorways, so why can't you see

that forever you've doomed me to revel in pain

there's a pin my foot and a stick in my brain

and the stick gives me thoughts of you every day

no matter how hard i try they won't go away

i have two requests, please answer my prayer

i want you to be here, i want you to care"