Dead to the world, nothing matters anymore,
trying to find the keys to unlock these doors;
to my mind, to my heart, to the missing parts-
Of this life that has been misplace,
not knowing what's written on my face,
Is it love that brings me back,
trying hard to get on track,
and find the courage to open up,
And let these wounds heal?

I stare out at the sun
And the sun smiling at me
Agreeing how beautiful a sunset can be
I look out in the distance
The sky so blue and pink
I smile from the view
What a beautiful view it is
No one can take that away
Steal the precious feeling I have
They may bombard me with obstacles
But that view is etched in the heart of my being
And I can bring it back, all I have to do is close
My eyes and there it is in my memory

I know it's true,
why the longing face?
I know all about you,
you're a ******* disgrace.
You lied to me,
telling me it's going to be okay.
Now I see,
why you're running away today.
All of it was lies,
how can you be so cruel?
I'm burning inside,
why I ended up the fool.
I just want to tell you off,
let you know how pathetic you are.
You're a ******* joke,
my ears are bleeding,
with the ******* you are spewing.

Feeling lost
Alone
Afraid of what might be
Trying to find a place
A home
In this ******* world
No turning back
Must find myself
It's hard to get on track
When I wish to be somebody else

I want to be you
Cause you're really smart
I want to be you
Cause you're good looking
I want to be you
Cause you''re rich
Reaching out for answers
Ain't life a *****?


I can't find a clue
I can't answer the riddle
I'm not going much of nowhere
What the **** am I doing here?
What's the use anyhow?

Hello. I am a ******* freak
Lowly as can be
I like to justify my actions
As much as possible
Can't you see?
It's hard to get noticed
I've tried everything imaginable
I've worshiped God
And ran with the devil
Just for you to like me
I'm meaning no harm
So don't be alarmed
I've ****** daddled with magic
And almost died from my own tragic
Fundamentals and ideas of the truth
It ain't no fun, get struck by the sun
And found my calling in my youth
I am a what you have me to be
I can be all sorts of these
But is it my ******* wreckage
That has me down on my ******* knees
Wishing I was exactly like you
But that really wouldn't be the truth
So what must I do
Bow down in grievous over this
I think I'll give in to temptation
And follow after my own heart

It wasn't what I wanted to take a look at,
There is fear behind the mask, the walls-
I have built up so you don't see the real me.
I seem to take a breath, something I'm not-
In control of,  my spirit rising up ever so-
Higher, ever so lower, the fire burns ever-
So painfully, and I faint by the wayside.

Life came like a tornado, destroying everything
In my path, leaving behind only my naked body-
To take care of the burns. I was lonely once,
Feeling frightened by seeing your face. I reached-
Out to you but there was only silence, a whisper-
In the dark, trying to find my way but I can't see-
The road. I was reaching for something but finding-
Nothing, only death and the fires of hell.

Sometimes I wish I could fly,
Soar above the misty mountaintops,
Come swooping down to catch a meal,
A feast I share with my family.
Nesting in a tree,
Sometimes I wish these things for me,
Is it so hard to see,
That life is harder than it's made out to be.
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear,
Vanish without a trace,
Like the ring on the Hobbit,
I would put it on and leave this place.
Sometimes... I wish...

Am I going blind?
These realities aren't mankind
Something special in the way I feel
It ain't all that different anymore
I seem to be able to move mountains
And be able to journey beyond the sky

Infected with your love
Something I've never felt before
It's only what dreams are made of
Wishing for it more and more
I've seen the other side
Oh, how I don't want to go back there
So much hate lasting a long time
Just swelled up with so much pride
And I wasn't built today to dare

Why all the pain and misery,
Can't you find anything to be happy over?
You woke up and are able to walk on your feet,
You have the love of your family.
Why do you insist on being depressed,
There is a lot to be grateful for?
It doesn't have to be a lonely road,
You can get right with others;
All you have to do is surrender,
let the joy flow into you.
It will be a better way of life,
So many happier thoughts,
And a life that is true.

Come and take my hand
I'll lead you to the promised land

I'll wrap my arms around you
Hold you close to my chest

There will be much to do
I'll try my very best

To make you feel right at home
You'll never be alone

I'll give you more than enough
You'll never want after anything

The road won't be rough
I'll give you my grandmother's diamond ring

Won't you come with me
The journey will be free

And life will take on new meaning
Won't you come and find hope with me

If there will ever be a time
The time is now

I have your beautiful eyes in sight
We will make it work somehow

Don't got any money
Don't have a place to live

We'll bumb off my mommy
And thInk we're living good

It's just so ******* funny
We're living the way people should

Who cares what people say
I'll get the car from my dad

We'll go riding today
And won't feel so bad

We're living the right way
There's no reason to feel sad

I'll get you into bed
And we'll make a baby

After all that is said
I'll run off with your best friend

Leave you high and dry
But for sure take my hand

I'll make you feel like you want to die
But for sure I'll lead you to the promised land

There goes
a crackling sound
the cans exploding
going down the wastepipe
The screams
The yelling
The fighting
What was this to be
it isn't hard to see
the tears from your eyes
wanting a better life
not the one you're in
you could of have never predicted this
it sure as hell wasn't on your wish list
It wasn't your dream
of being with a man like me
hearing the sounds
of cans opening constantly

Soon the truth will be awaken, and the lies once hidden will
Come forth from the ashes of being relentless
It will shatter the past, and make way for a better tomorrow.
It comes like a bolt of lightning, and then age takes hold
Looking back throughout the way, a life well lived
It forms by the wrinkles on one's face
And white color in one's hair or no hair at all
Wisdom is the truth and wisdom isn't hidden no more

The clouds are rolling in
The raindrops start to begin
The sky turns dark, ominous and grey
The lightning flashes and you can hear
The thunder from far away
The wind picks up speed
Blowing fiercely
And the raindrops turn into a massive
Down pour that floods everything so
Violently

You talked to me about caring
How I could ever not be broken?
It doesn't register in your mind
Fixed ideas of how I should live
What kind of person would you have me be
I'm just the monster inside your head
I'll never be free, getting along with you
Just as long as you keep me down

You think you're so much better
So much wiser than anyone else
You're as ugly as I am
Your true colors showing yourself
Your life is as ****** as mine
No reason to carry on
I'll never try again to shine
To make you feel alright
I'm done with you this time

I grind my teeth
Your words left a sour taste
In my mouth
What am I suppose to do
When you're yelling at me?
So much belittling
So much I feel small
I can't take it anymore
I want to disappear
I unlock the door
And walk out into the night
So cold and I am scared
I keep walking
I have no clue where I am going
But any place is better where I'm at
I can't see in front of my face
I hear the sound of a dog barking
So I turn around and walk back home
Thoughts of getting my *** beat
Came across my mind
But at this point I didn't care
If only I had a place to go
I wouldn't have to run back home
With my tail between my legs
All because of being scared
And not knowing where I was going

The day seem like forever
Forever holding your hand
I don't want to let go
I might lose you in the wind
I shall forever be searching for you
Are you out there my beautiful friend?
We are like shooting stars in the sky
We make a wish and are surprised
That it does come true in time
How can two souls relate
When it seems like we are doomed
Trying hard to discuss the problem in a healthy way
Instead of flying off the handle
There seems like a force keeping us together
Or I would of been alone ages ago
And finding you would of never been in the picture

The words are hard to say
but it seems like that's all I've been saying
since I could walk and talk
How many times have I said them
without even knowing what they mean?
My actions speak volumes
and my mouth is a viper
I could not do it again
or I can tell you off
and make matters worse
But once I give in and surrender
to the fact I hurt you where these words
have to be said, trying to make right what
became wrong.

Frustrated, life seems out of balance
Or is it me, walking on tip-toes,
Trying hard to forget the past
And make the future stand for
Something. But I get lost in the woods,
Branches come out to greet me and smack
Me in the face, arms and then my nuts.
Am I going in the wrong direction? It
Must be because the darkness hovers
Over me and I can't see the beauty out
From the woods. Lost. Seeking guidance
Through praying but answers haven't come.
What do I do now? Do I stay or go? The
Answer has always been from within my
Gut, just too scared to make the leap of faith.
I must go. Where ever the path leads me.

I've been a slave to your misery
So many things I want say to you
I hope you can see it's not that bad
But whatever I say isn't getting through
You have a roof over your head
And food to eat, you can pull down
Your pants and take a **** in peace
You have toilet paper to wipe your ***
Little things exactly like that.
Walking outside and feel a warm breeze
The sensation allows you to be
A part of the air
Seeing birds flying high upstairs
Touching the heavens with their wings
Knowing these moments won't come back
Little things exactly like that
Sitting down and looking at the raging river
Flowing from side to the other
Fish jumping and splashing around
Everything is on track
Little things exactly like that
Holding your daughter's hand
Soaking in the beauty on her face
The smile that comes across her lips
That everything feels at place
Knowing peace is so elusive
But right now there it is
Taking a hold of you
And making little more things
To be thankful for

What the hell are these dreams for?, I need to put action behind my words
and let everyone know who knows me that I'm not ******* around this time.  I've had my bouts with practically everything imaginable, don't know what the hell I would be if I didn't hurt inside, conjuring up images of suicide in my mind, I reach for the knife but always something rescues me from doing the same thing I see others do with impunity. Christ, I'm not alone in this ******* world, everyone has a bad day here and there.
Try a lifetime of trying to fool others to believe I'm something when in reality I'm not, just a survivor like those around me, trying our ******* best to exist. Though it's different now, can't play the ******* game like I did before, it's time to grow the **** up and leave the ******* out the door. Who's to say where I'm going to be ten year down the road? I just pray that my family will be with me and will be better off then we are now.

I cry for ******* balance
but all I get in return is ******* chaos.
Nothing neat and tidy,
just trying to survive the storm.
I look around at the world
and find no solace in anything,
everyone is in too much of a hurry
and it drives me ******* crazy.

I crumble beneath
The sea of sorrow
My tears are shed
On the white pillow
I toss and turn
Trying to fall asleep
But my eyes burn
And there seems no relief

Insonomonia plagues my inner being
Days gone by without any peace
What is peace anyway
When I haven't slept in days?

The days are like they are brand new
So much hope inside this body of mine
Where did this reality come from
It wasn't this way years ago

I was filled with so much fear
I couldn't step outside
I couldn't talk to you
And explain what was happening

It was like a force had me *******
Gripping my inner being
Stopping me from living happy
Like a veil of darkness was hovering over me

Today isn't the case
It has disappeared for the time being
No more lonely nights
Scared of ever falling asleep

It's like I've been released
The grasp isn't holding tightly around my neck
It has been removed
And positive thoughts are taking its' place

What a relief it is
Now I can explore the world
No more hiding in dark corners
And thinking about dark things

Can it be a miracle?
I can't say
I'm just so happy
That I can live a life today

What the **** are we here for
What the hell is our ******* purpose
Do I unlock this ******* door
And kick someone's *** for
Looking at me wrong?

I try too ******* hard to please everyone
But that only gets me into ******* trouble
Everything I say seems like a **** in the wind
It ******* stinks on this side of the track

Growing up with different ideas
Thinking I could go somewhere in life
But fear stole my reflection and replaced
It with ******* stressed out nerves
I tried to love but nothing seemed fair
I don't even think I ******* cared

I got my nerve back with liquor courage
But that just made me ******* mean
I fought and I fought and fought to stay
Alive, hurting others with everything that
Came out of my mouth, never thinking before
I spoke. I still ******* do that, and it gets me
Nowhere

I'm ******* in charge of my mouth but *******
Does it spew out some ******* ****. That's why
I'm going to take this ******* energy and use it
To the way I write. Maybe I can get my *******
Point across and say that we need to believe in
Ourselves and follow our dreams. I see *******
Clearly that we need to **** the negative thoughts
And stand up for freedom of speech. Do it the right
******* way and watch out what I ******* say.
It ain't going to matter if I get shot because I
Couldn't hold back my speech, so I'll put them on
Paper and make my dreams reality.

I do what I must to stay alive, that means trying to be rid of this selfishness that wants me dead. It tells me lies that I can do things on my own, that I don't need help and I can survive with what I'm still doing.

My will has never been good
I always have a devil on my shoulder
Telling me things to say and do

I want to be kind
But rather would sit on a mountaintop
Judging you

I am so vain
The world is vain
I look into the mirror
And see horns behind my back

I want to love
But insist on hate
The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world

I want to be considerate
But am a selfish man
I would think of myself
Before I would give anything to you

The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world
Might as well join everyone
Before I'm left dying at dawn

The world laughs
And I cringe
What a waste
There I sin
A bad wire
Locked away
****** in the head
Burning on fire
What am I suppose to do
When it doesn't make sense?
No one has a clue
It has all been spent
Farther I go
The lesser I feel
Love is hard
Is it even real?
Cast into reflection
The torment of my soul
There is no affection
Just a loneliness I've been told
And I feel strange to say
What a ****** up day
So perplexed I throw a fit
There is just way too much *******
I ponder what it all means
And pray on my knees
That it's all meant to be
Some kind of purpose
****, if I can't see
Then all is hopeless
And this rambling is free
Upon the threshold of a tree
I'll keep my insanity
It's the only thing real
Here, there, to hell is how I feel
And listening to all kinds of tyranny
I find no solice in thee

I try to get away
But the darkness pulls me back
It's really hard to say
How to get right on track

People like to trear me down
Why the **** should I care about them?
What comes around goes around
They'll get theirs in the end

I try to live a life of peace
But the chaos is all around
It has me on my knees
Praying for higher ground

It seems I'm lost out to sea
The boat has crashed
No one around to rescue me
Life is kicking my ***

I reach out for the sun
But only end up blind
Heaven is left to no one
Hell envelopes the night

The days are going by so quickly
And I'm left feeling out of place
No more sacrifices, just trickery
And I'm falling far away from grace

I gave in like you knew I would
Empty feelings left abandoned
Loneliness take hold of me
And I fall far from grace
Sick and tired of this place
Once again I'm blind to see
That something takes a part of me
And I'm left holding the bag so to speak
It isn't easy trying to behave
I've given way, stuck in pain
And had a hundred people torn to pieces
Their heartfelt cries I leaned on
But nothing truly rescued me
From the hell I put myself through
It was you all along, making it right
Setting me free from my own ****
Now it's time to say thank you
As I trudge through the night
And cast out my own demons from it
I don't really know where I'm coming from
But today it's better than feeling undone

To love
puts a cringe in my heart
to open up
changes everything of who I am
to care
to have companionship
it's complicated
when I just want to be alone
and forget about all these feelings

It hurts to finally realize,
all that I do does not matter.
     You still want more and more,
you want it all from me;
     My pride!
     My dignity!
Everything I hold dear,
     You don't treasure none of it.
I'd rather see you go,
        then to put up with this nonsense.

The world weighs heavy on my shoulders,
I can't seem to cut a break.
Everywhere I turn I come to a stand still,
and the course I take is a place I hate.
I try to jump through hoops to get ahead,
but the rope for me is way too ******* high.
I want to reach for the stars, that's as far as I will go,
trying to find a better ******* way, it just takes so slow.
I want to get rid of the heaviness on my mind,
it seems like the world has my number.
I feel like running the **** away,
I'm a wizard when it comes to disappearing,
try to cactch up with me now world,
I'll change my address again and again,
just to let everyone know I ******* hate being played with.

So much agony,
I feel it over and over again.
The night crashes in around me,
And there's no peace to be had.
I feel a constant eerie feeling,
That something bad is going to happen.
I look around and have no faith in nothing,
So lonely am I with these sins.

I don't know what happened, I was feeling down and drinking
Seemed like a good idea. I cracked one open and off to the races
I went, through another binge that I've been there before time
After time again, just me and my selfishness hurting the ones
I love, all because I felt like getting out of myself and change how
I was feeling.

The day whistles in a breeze,
coming in through a crack in the window.
The bright curtains move ever so slightly,
and I'm able to see the snow.

It's a dreary morning,
grey clouds jostling for position.
I turn to look at you,
but you're no where to be found.

Was I dreaming,
and all was well with us?
The yesterdays seems like a distant memory,
and I'm too scared to think about them.

I want to find a rose,
and give it to you.
Let you know how much you mean to me,
but the pedestals just crumble to the ground.

I wonder where you are,
I seemed to have misplaced  my feelings.
My heart beats a loneliness inside,
and the thought of losing you comes to mind.

I hear the whispers inside my head,
reminding me that our relationship turned into clay.
I never thought it was the beginning of the end,
and here I sit crying on valentine's day.