I don't know what happened, I was feeling down and drinking
Seemed like a good idea. I cracked one open and off to the races
I went, through another binge that I've been there before time
After time again, just me and my selfishness hurting the ones
I love, all because I felt like getting out of myself and change how
I was feeling.

What the **** are we here for
What the hell is our ******* purpose
Do I unlock this ******* door
And kick someone's *** for
Looking at me wrong?

I try too ******* hard to please everyone
But that only gets me into ******* trouble
Everything I say seems like a **** in the wind
It ******* stinks on this side of the track

Growing up with different ideas
Thinking I could go somewhere in life
But fear stole my reflection and replaced
It with ******* stressed out nerves
I tried to love but nothing seemed fair
I don't even think I ******* cared

I got my nerve back with liquor courage
But that just made me ******* mean
I fought and I fought and fought to stay
Alive, hurting others with everything that
Came out of my mouth, never thinking before
I spoke. I still ******* do that, and it gets me
Nowhere

I'm ******* in charge of my mouth but *******
Does it spew out some ******* ****. That's why
I'm going to take this ******* energy and use it
To the way I write. Maybe I can get my *******
Point across and say that we need to believe in
Ourselves and follow our dreams. I see *******
Clearly that we need to **** the negative thoughts
And stand up for freedom of speech. Do it the right
******* way and watch out what I ******* say.
It ain't going to matter if I get shot because I
Couldn't hold back my speech, so I'll put them on
Paper and make my dreams reality.

I don't know what's
Going on inside my head
It seems like I do okay
For a little while and then
I want to run away, leave
Everyone and everything
Behind and not say goodbye
Just disappear like the wind
Forever get lost in the end
I hurt the ones I love
Who have been loyal to me
I scream for an answer from above
But only get silience. I’ m like a
Little baby, so wrapped up in
Myself, I want what I want and
I'll pound the table with my spoon
And then I want nothing but to
Be left alone, to hide away, so
Many feelings pulsating through
My veins, it feels like I'm going insane

The world laughs
And I cringe
What a waste
There I sin
A bad wire
Locked away
****** in the head
Burning on fire
What am I suppose to do
When it doesn't make sense?
No one has a clue
It has all been spent
Farther I go
The lesser I feel
Love is hard
Is it even real?
Cast into reflection
The torment of my soul
There is no affection
Just a loneliness I've been told
And I feel strange to say
What a ****** up day
So perplexed I throw a fit
There is just way too much *******
I ponder what it all means
And pray on my knees
That it's all meant to be
Some kind of purpose
****, if I can't see
Then all is hopeless
And this rambling is free
Upon the threshold of a tree
I'll keep my insanity
It's the only thing real
Here, there, to hell is how I feel
And listening to all kinds of tyranny
I find no solice in thee

My will has never been good
I always have a devil on my shoulder
Telling me things to say and do

I want to be kind
But rather would sit on a mountaintop
Judging you

I am so vain
The world is vain
I look into the mirror
And see horns behind my back

I want to love
But insist on hate
The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world

I want to be considerate
But am a selfish man
I would think of myself
Before I would give anything to you

The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world
Might as well join everyone
Before I'm left dying at dawn

I do what I must to stay alive, that means trying to be rid of this selfishness that wants me dead. It tells me lies that I can do things on my own, that I don't need help and I can survive with what I'm still doing.

The days are like they are brand new
So much hope inside this body of mine
Where did this reality come from
It wasn't this way years ago

I was filled with so much fear
I couldn't step outside
I couldn't talk to you
And explain what was happening

It was like a force had me *******
Gripping my inner being
Stopping me from living happy
Like a veil of darkness was hovering over me

Today isn't the case
It has disappeared for the time being
No more lonely nights
Scared of ever falling asleep

It's like I've been released
The grasp isn't holding tightly around my neck
It has been removed
And positive thoughts are taking its' place

What a relief it is
Now I can explore the world
No more hiding in dark corners
And thinking about dark things

Can it be a miracle?
I can't say
I'm just so happy
That I can live a life today

There was a light shining in
But the darkness had it's way
It smothered the light
And covered the earth with pain
So much of it going around
Just can't seem to get away
From the hell inside these walls
Inside this cage

The world weighs heavy on my shoulders,
I can't seem to cut a break.
Everywhere I turn I come to a stand still,
and the course I take is a place I hate.
I try to jump through hoops to get ahead,
but the rope for me is way too ******* high.
I want to reach for the stars, that's as far as I will go,
trying to find a better ******* way, it just takes so slow.
I want to get rid of the heaviness on my mind,
it seems like the world has my number.
I feel like running the **** away,
I'm a wizard when it comes to disappearing,
try to cactch up with me now world,
I'll change my address again and again,
just to let everyone know I ******* hate being played with.

It hurts to finally realize,
all that I do does not matter.
     You still want more and more,
you want it all from me;
     My pride!
     My dignity!
Everything I hold dear,
     You don't treasure none of it.
I'd rather see you go,
        then to put up with this nonsense.

There's a thin line between love and hate
What to give away before it's too late
My life is at a stand still, no hope in the wind
Everything seems so stale, even words are dead

The day withers away
like paper to a flame
soon non-existence
and only the fire remains
Being enlightened isn't just a dream
trying so hard to find some serenity
years fade pass so rapidly
Can't forget about love meant to be
Holding onto one another forever in arms
knowing full well life has its harm
but togetherness protects the hopeful mind
and comfort comes to all in time

What are you talking about
I know I don't make much sense
Going along like everything is okay
But in truth it's not okay, I want to scream
Stomp my feet and throw a fit like a child
Is there anything worth while
Or are we doomed to a shooting spree?
I kiss you goodbye and walk away
Not knowing for sure if I'll ever return
I can't understand ******* people
Why they do the things they do
So many things that don't make much sense
That's why I try to live my life one hour at a time
Don't know who's going to come around the corner
They could be wearing trench coats
Or they could be wearing suits
Nowadays it doesn't ******* matter
Who's going to come after me?
I peek around the corner and can't see
The truth is blind to who are my enemies
I seriously don't know anymore
I shut the door and try to fall asleep
Without waking up in a ******* nightmare
Can we ever find ******* peace?
I think we're over stepping our bounds
There ain't much out there in this world
That is obsolete and in reach
So much hatred I feel it too
I hate everybody equally
There isn't anything anyone can do
I'll try to break through this hour glass
And find the courage to kick some ***
There's a lot of people that needs their *** kicked
I put myself in harms way and felt the full force
Experience has taught me that I don't have to take the risk
That there is beauty out there in this god-forsaken world
I just have to try to find it and make it apart of my life
Sounds silly, doesn't it? But I'm a silly kind of man
And the choices I make today reflect who I am

The day whistles in a breeze,
coming in through a crack in the window.
The bright curtains move ever so slightly,
and I'm able to see the snow.

It's a dreary morning,
grey clouds jostling for position.
I turn to look at you,
but you're no where to be found.

Was I dreaming,
and all was well with us?
The yesterdays seems like a distant memory,
and I'm too scared to think about them.

I want to find a rose,
and give it to you.
Let you know how much you mean to me,
but the pedestals just crumble to the ground.

I wonder where you are,
I seemed to have misplaced  my feelings.
My heart beats a loneliness inside,
and the thought of losing you comes to mind.

I hear the whispers inside my head,
reminding me that our relationship turned into clay.
I never thought it was the beginning of the end,
and here I sit crying on valentine's day.

So much agony,
I feel it over and over again.
The night crashes in around me,
And there's no peace to be had.
I feel a constant eerie feeling,
That something bad is going to happen.
I look around and have no faith in nothing,
So lonely am I with these sins.

Is it my suffering that I persist to go on?
Watch the birds fly overhead, and only
Can dream of touching the sky, too scared
Of heights anyway. So down on the ground
I kiss the dirt. I suffer because I am human
And pain is a cornerstone of happiness,
Without such I wouldn't be grateful for
Any ******* thing. Watch myself bleed
The blood of righteousness, it will only
Cause me a problem in the end, if I am
Too proud of myself, puff up my ego, so
I must stay grounded if I am going to live.

A whisper in the dark, the nighttime is a plague for-
Everyone to see, I look up to the heavens but my-
Heart is stuck in hell. The demons of my past are-
Haunting me, the goodness that once was isn't there-
Like it was in the beginning, just a very long way-
From home and the sunrise burns the spirit. I-
Reach out for help but no one is there, I"ve wasted-
Too much time on the belief that things are the-
Way they're suppose to be. I didn't buy into there-
Was ever hope for the tortured soul, not like I see-
People gaining some self-respect back, a smile-
Coming across their face and a life fulfilled. No,-
Here I sit brooding over my life, where I would be-
If I didn't waste years plungeing into the darkness.-
Now it seems my life will never be on track because-
I keep going down the same road as before. I need-
Direction in my life, wishing upon a star is just a-
Fool's dream, and nothing is the way it's suppose to-
Be.

To love
puts a cringe in my heart
to open up
changes everything of who I am
to care
to have companionship
it's complicated
when I just want to be alone
and forget about all these feelings

My anger
Brings out the worse in me
I want to punch walls
Break ****
I want to yell
In fact, I've done these things
Acting like a two year old
Throwing fits because I can't
Get my own way

Light up that joint
And let's get high
Get behind the wheel
And let's ride
Listen to some Alice in chains
That "would," song is really nice
Let's try to get lost
And find ourselves in New Philadelphia
What the hell was that road we took?
We tried to find it later and couldn't
Was it because we were so high
And found ourselves in a different light

The horizon draws near
a season drinking in the glory of innocence
Perfection seems over-rated
holiness lost in a dream
where is it stated
everything is the way it seems?
There is emptiness deep in the soul
a hollow feeling that won't go away
dealing with which way to go
The madness finds a home
the direction is just a blank slate
starting over once again
wanting to be forever alone
but life has other plans

Hello stone...  It's not hard to see
how much we are alike
I see your shape, how rough you are
and I wonder if this is a dream
I pick you up and toss you aside
like any other day
this time it's different
I wonder where you've landed
I try to search for you
but I can't find you no where
So I feel lost without you
the likeness was so strange
how much it's all so clear
that you were meant to be in
my pocket

Blank...
I need to write better,
Or say something meaningful.
Something, anything.
Or is it just the times?
Everyone is making sense but me,
I think I'm an okay poet but who's to say.
I make too much of a big deal out of everything.
I need to unlearn a few things
And learn more about life.
What I feel it is doesn't matter
Or should it?
I just hope my poems reach one soul that
Would get something out of it and go "oh, yeah"

Somewhere, the darkness takes shape,
a form of hate and bloodstained eyes,
the curtain falls on what you create,
and life feels like it's out of place,
with nothing but surperficial time.

It hard to see
How much of an
Idiot I can be
But in hindsight
I'm such a fool
Can be really rude
Need guidance in life
I reach for the stars
Discipline isn't that far
I need all the good energies
To provide solutions for me
And when I stay quiet
Breathe in the positive forces
The necessary power is there
For me not to live like the fool

Getting too close
To you is like
Touching hot coals,
I want to take a step
Back and tell you
I'm not worth all this
Attention.
It's hard for me
To describe, how far
Do we have to go
Until the walls come
Crashing down?
I'm so confused of
Which way to go that
It's driving me crazy,
I love you so much that
I want to strangle you.

The damage has been done
How can you ever trusted me again?
I kick you out and then accept you back
Why is it I can't make up my ******* mind?
You really haven't done nothing to me
Only the fact you're with a guy like me
So ******* confused about everything
I have no ******* clue about anything
The only thing I'm doing right is staying sober
I don't want to go back to that he'll
Nothing will work out if I'm drinking
Everyone and everything will be gone
So very easy for me to lose it all

I wish I was strong
But I have no strength in me
I'm a torturted soul lost out to sea
Can't take much for very long
I pray everything will work out
At ******* times I don't know what it's all about
So out of focus I can't see straight
I pray it's not too late
To fix what needs to be fixed
And go on from here with compassion
And understanding, hoping you can
Forgive a guy like me

The grudge scene is where I found music.

It hurts me
to think how much
I got over you
I took everything
your dignity
your pride
tossed you out in the cold
all alone
I wish I could take
it all back
the best thing I could
of done was to stay away
from you

Into the stormy night I go
Lost for words to and fro
Getting a piece of the pie
Longing for someone to bring
Me to life.

How can I stand upright
When all other motives seem
Oblivious to each side?

I walk the path less traveled
Weary of death around each corner
I see the beauty only for a glimpse
Then it's off trudging again and again

Here I awake to blossom aknew
Trying to find myself in the mirror
I long for happiness to come true
Instead of things that aren't clear

I make no sense out of contemplation
It only resorts to a flame igniting
Buried myself in observation
Hurried along with each striving

Easy does it but find my niche
Ask mother nature how I will exist
The latter will always appear
If my motives are perfectly clear

Have you ever considered life
What it all means
There has to be a purpose
A love able to touch the soul and mind
An effect takes place
To all that is in form
To stretch out caring hands
And become unified with the Universe

I want to scream
everything is falling to pieces
The world weighs on me
And half the battle is never over
Never will be

Someone ruscue my tortured heart
It's been falling apart
For years I have ran away
And nothing saves me today
I'm still hurting from the pain
It won't subside
I look in the mirror
And want to cry
Smash it with my fist
Cause I'm the only one
On my **** list

Why do I feel the way I do
All I have ever asked for is some peace
But nothing seems like it does the trick
No distraction for this cracked up heart of mine
All has been chaos in my life
Years of hitting my knees
Praying for the heavens to ignite a fire within me
But all I see is the devil chasing after what I believe
The temptation is too strong and I fall to pieces

The nighttime is such a lonely place to be
Inside this crazy mind of mine
Searching for the answers but coming up empty
I want to scream and shout
I'll never know what life is all about
I have so many doubts
Why I feel the way I do
Not knowing if I ever knew
What was true
Can't you see
It's written on my face
This ****** life puts me in place

My thoughts are fleeting
So much to think about
Why I die again over you

It's beyond me to come up
With an answer to the riddle
And to hope everything
Becomes whole again

To fall backwards
Catching a glimpse
Of a life brand new
Only to come up empty
In the long run
Has plagued my heart

It hurts to think I must
Leave this place and
Find myself without you

The time melts away
like plastic in a fire
a mentality gone astray
nothing seems worth while
all hope hides its face
from the light that could be within
a distraction in place
not knowing how to begin
there are so many senseless acts
bravery is hard to come by
it's hard to get on track
and make it a wonderful life
the pressure is building up
how much I feel like crying
hardly anyone to trust
and I feel like dying

In the midst of an emotional storm
Keep on keeping on
Rise above the depression
And give way to positive thoughts
Like giving hugs to a son or daughter
Making the day count for something
Even if it's just a little bit
Like knowing we have breath

Searching for the truth
the answer to my soul
what kind of man am I
when life takes it's toll?
I see in the distance
that my life hasn't been my life
always seeking pleasure
something to cure the pain inside
I'm not comfortable in my own skin
wondering who to please this time around
how much I want this to be the end
the water is too deep, I might drown
Living with the heartache
the pain inside won't cease
wondering what's at stake
Living with this disease
The darkness will not let go of me
and let me live my life
Hell is the only thing I can see
killing everything good from the inside

Can't seem to get back the joy,
It seems like only a dream,
A walk into the unknown,
A boat lost out to sea.

Can't seem to get back the happiness,
It seems like only a dream,
A struggle for the truth-
Like a leaf caught in a breeze.

If only I could see the light,
A heart felt distress call going out.
Can't seem to find the foundation,
Don't know what it's all about.

Finding out there are no answer in my mind,
It's more easy to feel contempt,
A road I've traveled to survive,
A journey brought about by emptiness.

I'm searching for the key,
To open up my heart,
To find out where the beauty lies,
And make it a part of my life.

Born in a world of guilt and shame
wondering if it is all worth while
Longing for a better way
but it's been hard to smile

Grieving over lost loves
I wasn't ready to commit
It wasn't by no means what I dreamed of
being so uninvolved and worthless

Sacrificed everything I had
my dignity went down the drain
It's no wonder why I felt so bad
cause I treated you with restraint

Drowning my sorrows with the drink
just an excuse to run away
Not hard for me to sink
to the bottom is where I stayed

Good people losing hope in me
praying for my return to health
They exclaimed this wasn't what they wanted to see
slowly killing myself is what I felt

Open up these wounds
and let the power flow in
I want to break free of this soon
and find purpose in life again