There was a light shining in
But the darkness had it's way
It smothered the light
And covered the earth with pain
So much of it going around
Just can't seem to get away
From the hell inside these walls
Inside this cage

My anger
Brings out the worse in me
I want to punch walls
Break ****
I want to yell
In fact, I've done these things
Acting like a two year old
Throwing fits because I can't
Get my own way

There's a thin line between love and hate
What to give away before it's too late
My life is at a stand still, no hope in the wind
Everything seems so stale, even words are dead

A whisper in the dark, the nighttime is a plague for-
Everyone to see, I look up to the heavens but my-
Heart is stuck in hell. The demons of my past are-
Haunting me, the goodness that once was isn't there-
Like it was in the beginning, just a very long way-
From home and the sunrise burns the spirit. I-
Reach out for help but no one is there, I"ve wasted-
Too much time on the belief that things are the-
Way they're suppose to be. I didn't buy into there-
Was ever hope for the tortured soul, not like I see-
People gaining some self-respect back, a smile-
Coming across their face and a life fulfilled. No,-
Here I sit brooding over my life, where I would be-
If I didn't waste years plungeing into the darkness.-
Now it seems my life will never be on track because-
I keep going down the same road as before. I need-
Direction in my life, wishing upon a star is just a-
Fool's dream, and nothing is the way it's suppose to-
Be.

The more I don't know, the more humble I am.

Somewhere, the darkness takes shape,
a form of hate and bloodstained eyes,
the curtain falls on what you create,
and life feels like it's out of place,
with nothing but surperficial time.

What are you talking about
I know I don't make much sense
Going along like everything is okay
But in truth it's not okay, I want to scream
Stomp my feet and throw a fit like a child
Is there anything worth while
Or are we doomed to a shooting spree?
I kiss you goodbye and walk away
Not knowing for sure if I'll ever return
I can't understand ******* people
Why they do the things they do
So many things that don't make much sense
That's why I try to live my life one hour at a time
Don't know who's going to come around the corner
They could be wearing trench coats
Or they could be wearing suits
Nowadays it doesn't ******* matter
Who's going to come after me?
I peek around the corner and can't see
The truth is blind to who are my enemies
I seriously don't know anymore
I shut the door and try to fall asleep
Without waking up in a ******* nightmare
Can we ever find ******* peace?
I think we're over stepping our bounds
There ain't much out there in this world
That is obsolete and in reach
So much hatred I feel it too
I hate everybody equally
There isn't anything anyone can do
I'll try to break through this hour glass
And find the courage to kick some ***
There's a lot of people that needs their *** kicked
I put myself in harms way and felt the full force
Experience has taught me that I don't have to take the risk
That there is beauty out there in this god-forsaken world
I just have to try to find it and make it apart of my life
Sounds silly, doesn't it? But I'm a silly kind of man
And the choices I make today reflect who I am

Getting too close
To you is like
Touching hot coals,
I want to take a step
Back and tell you
I'm not worth all this
Attention.
It's hard for me
To describe, how far
Do we have to go
Until the walls come
Crashing down?
I'm so confused of
Which way to go that
It's driving me crazy,
I love you so much that
I want to strangle you.

I don't know what's
Going on inside my head
It seems like I do okay
For a little while and then
I want to run away, leave
Everyone and everything
Behind and not say goodbye
Just disappear like the wind
Forever get lost in the end
I hurt the ones I love
Who have been loyal to me
I scream for an answer from above
But only get silience. I’ m like a
Little baby, so wrapped up in
Myself, I want what I want and
I'll pound the table with my spoon
And then I want nothing but to
Be left alone, to hide away, so
Many feelings pulsating through
My veins, it feels like I'm going insane

Is it my suffering that I persist to go on?
Watch the birds fly overhead, and only
Can dream of touching the sky, too scared
Of heights anyway. So down on the ground
I kiss the dirt. I suffer because I am human
And pain is a cornerstone of happiness,
Without such I wouldn't be grateful for
Any ******* thing. Watch myself bleed
The blood of righteousness, it will only
Cause me a problem in the end, if I am
Too proud of myself, puff up my ego, so
I must stay grounded if I am going to live.

The grudge scene is where I found music.

It hard to see
How much of an
Idiot I can be
But in hindsight
I'm such a fool
Can be really rude
Need guidance in life
I reach for the stars
Discipline isn't that far
I need all the good energies
To provide solutions for me
And when I stay quiet
Breathe in the positive forces
The necessary power is there
For me not to live like the fool

Have you ever considered life
What it all means
There has to be a purpose
A love able to touch the soul and mind
An effect takes place
To all that is in form
To stretch out caring hands
And become unified with the Universe

The horizon draws near
a season drinking in the glory of innocence
Perfection seems over-rated
holiness lost in a dream
where is it stated
everything is the way it seems?
There is emptiness deep in the soul
a hollow feeling that won't go away
dealing with which way to go
The madness finds a home
the direction is just a blank slate
starting over once again
wanting to be forever alone
but life has other plans

Hello stone...  It's not hard to see
how much we are alike
I see your shape, how rough you are
and I wonder if this is a dream
I pick you up and toss you aside
like any other day
this time it's different
I wonder where you've landed
I try to search for you
but I can't find you no where
So I feel lost without you
the likeness was so strange
how much it's all so clear
that you were meant to be in
my pocket

It hurts me
to think how much
I got over you
I took everything
your dignity
your pride
tossed you out in the cold
all alone
I wish I could take
it all back
the best thing I could
of done was to stay away
from you

Blank...
I need to write better,
Or say something meaningful.
Something, anything.
Or is it just the times?
Everyone is making sense but me,
I think I'm an okay poet but who's to say.
I make too much of a big deal out of everything.
I need to unlearn a few things
And learn more about life.
What I feel it is doesn't matter
Or should it?
I just hope my poems reach one soul that
Would get something out of it and go "oh, yeah"

The damage has been done
How can you ever trusted me again?
I kick you out and then accept you back
Why is it I can't make up my ******* mind?
You really haven't done nothing to me
Only the fact you're with a guy like me
So ******* confused about everything
I have no ******* clue about anything
The only thing I'm doing right is staying sober
I don't want to go back to that he'll
Nothing will work out if I'm drinking
Everyone and everything will be gone
So very easy for me to lose it all

I wish I was strong
But I have no strength in me
I'm a torturted soul lost out to sea
Can't take much for very long
I pray everything will work out
At ******* times I don't know what it's all about
So out of focus I can't see straight
I pray it's not too late
To fix what needs to be fixed
And go on from here with compassion
And understanding, hoping you can
Forgive a guy like me

I know a few things
Experience has taught me that
I can be a wonderful act
Only in my ******* up mind
I'm an illussionist
So many faces I wear
I'm not good in public
I put on a fascade
Make the most of it
It isn't what I decided
It just how things are
Trying to be a believer
When all else fails

It's sad I don't stand for anything
I pretty much don't ******* care
Why the **** should it matter
To me which road to go down
That you want to **** your baby
Isn't it your decision after all?
I just don't ******* understand
Why people get so ******* mad
They're not the ones who have
To raise the baby from a baby
And ninety percent of the time
The guy hits the road and run
They know deep down they're
Not ready to give up their life
They're not done partying and
*******, they could care *******
Less that they become farthers
So its left up to the girl to
Decide what to do, and ninety-
Nine percent of the time they
Choose life, they can't think of
Any other way. Some choose to
Abort but even that has to be
The biggest decision of their
Heart and soul. Why the ****
Do I think that it's my choice,
Like I had a say so in it, it's not
My life. And to say I stand for
Something is a joke, women
Have it the hardest. I could ñever
Be in that position and have to
Decide which course to take.

The day withers away
like paper to a flame
soon non-existence
and only the fire remains
Being enlightened isn't just a dream
trying so hard to find some serenity
years fade pass so rapidly
Can't forget about love meant to be
Holding onto one another forever in arms
knowing full well life has its harm
but togetherness protects the hopeful mind
and comfort comes to all in time

My mind is cluttered
And I feel like ****
All I want is to feel better
But everyday is a struggle
Struggle to get up in the morning
And stay awake
All I want to do is sleep my life away
My depression has me in its grips
Wanting to cloud everything
And make it dark
I want to break free
And smile once again
Even faith as tiny as a mustard seed can be a spark
But most days I plug along
Hurting inside with these dark emotions
Wishing I could just disappear
Be forever lost in the nothingness
Though I know the Universe isn't out to get me
I need good vibes to win me over to the lighter side
I have to stay focus on what is right
And that's love will conquer all
Love of life
Love of family
Love of a pet even
Love.

I can't see the light
Farther into the night
The darkness reigns in
The terror begins

Falling far from grace
Further into the waste
Tortured in the soul
Don't have no where to go

Trying to find the key
Life is a mystery
The day turns into mud
Oh, how I have become numb

Light up that joint
And let's get high
Get behind the wheel
And let's ride
Listen to some Alice in chains
That "would," song is really nice
Let's try to get lost
And find ourselves in New Philadelphia
What the hell was that road we took?
We tried to find it later and couldn't
Was it because we were so high
And found ourselves in a different light

In the midst of an emotional storm
Keep on keeping on
Rise above the depression
And give way to positive thoughts
Like giving hugs to a son or daughter
Making the day count for something
Even if it's just a little bit
Like knowing we have breath

My thoughts are fleeting
So much to think about
Why I die again over you

It's beyond me to come up
With an answer to the riddle
And to hope everything
Becomes whole again

To fall backwards
Catching a glimpse
Of a life brand new
Only to come up empty
In the long run
Has plagued my heart

It hurts to think I must
Leave this place and
Find myself without you

I can't help but to wonder,
why there is so much pain.
Isn't there a God,
who can take it all away?
I pause,
and question everything.
So much killings,
I want to run away,
hide myself from the insanity.

I wonder why I'm this way,
I want to explode,
but there isn't much to say.
I want peace and harmony,
but that is just a dream.
So much ****** and nonsense,
just because someone couldn't get their way.

Hiding out isn't the answer,
showing peace could be the way.
The insanity is always going to be there,
in every moment, of every day.
Life isn't clear, nothing is,
so much to fear, so much hell within.
It takes us to cry out for change,
to make the wonder a reality today.

The time melts away
like plastic in a fire
a mentality gone astray
nothing seems worth while
all hope hides its face
from the light that could be within
a distraction in place
not knowing how to begin
there are so many senseless acts
bravery is hard to come by
it's hard to get on track
and make it a wonderful life
the pressure is building up
how much I feel like crying
hardly anyone to trust
and I feel like dying

Can't seem to get back the joy,
It seems like only a dream,
A walk into the unknown,
A boat lost out to sea.

Can't seem to get back the happiness,
It seems like only a dream,
A struggle for the truth-
Like a leaf caught in a breeze.

If only I could see the light,
A heart felt distress call going out.
Can't seem to find the foundation,
Don't know what it's all about.

Finding out there are no answer in my mind,
It's more easy to feel contempt,
A road I've traveled to survive,
A journey brought about by emptiness.

I'm searching for the key,
To open up my heart,
To find out where the beauty lies,
And make it a part of my life.

Why do I say the things I do, I seem to hurt so many people, especially my family and friends? They want the best of me and I choose so many things that aren't good . They want me to do the best in life but I have turned my back on them so many times, gone in a direction they never wanted me to go in the first place. Why am I such a fool? I can't seem to get on track, what the hell is holding me back? I'll look into the mirror, visualize there is a better road to go down, not the path I seem to always turn to- The ******* life. I'll tear down these walls and let others in before I end up dead and never say thank you to all the ones who have helped me along this road
That I am on. I don't want to fall victim to the idea that I can never change and all will be well. What kind of person would I be if I never said, "I love you."  just watched the days pass by without a word of compassion and kindness, not letting others know how much they mean to me, before all have given up on me and I'm left alone?

I want to scream
everything is falling to pieces
The world weighs on me
And half the battle is never over
Never will be

Someone ruscue my tortured heart
It's been falling apart
For years I have ran away
And nothing saves me today
I'm still hurting from the pain
It won't subside
I look in the mirror
And want to cry
Smash it with my fist
Cause I'm the only one
On my **** list

Why do I feel the way I do
All I have ever asked for is some peace
But nothing seems like it does the trick
No distraction for this cracked up heart of mine
All has been chaos in my life
Years of hitting my knees
Praying for the heavens to ignite a fire within me
But all I see is the devil chasing after what I believe
The temptation is too strong and I fall to pieces

The nighttime is such a lonely place to be
Inside this crazy mind of mine
Searching for the answers but coming up empty
I want to scream and shout
I'll never know what life is all about
I have so many doubts
Why I feel the way I do
Not knowing if I ever knew
What was true
Can't you see
It's written on my face
This ****** life puts me in place

Born in a world of guilt and shame
wondering if it is all worth while
Longing for a better way
but it's been hard to smile

Grieving over lost loves
I wasn't ready to commit
It wasn't by no means what I dreamed of
being so uninvolved and worthless

Sacrificed everything I had
my dignity went down the drain
It's no wonder why I felt so bad
cause I treated you with restraint

Drowning my sorrows with the drink
just an excuse to run away
Not hard for me to sink
to the bottom is where I stayed

Good people losing hope in me
praying for my return to health
They exclaimed this wasn't what they wanted to see
slowly killing myself is what I felt

Open up these wounds
and let the power flow in
I want to break free of this soon
and find purpose in life again

Something enters me
An angel or a demon
I can't be so sure
What kind of person to be
I can't decide the virtue
When all I feel is pain
Soaring high into the blue
I want the worse to go away

Finding hope
It wasn't that hard
I didn't have to look that far
It was right there in front of me
The happiness with two little feet
The smile on her face
Put me in place
I realized the day wasn't that bad
as long as I could hear her laugh
When she is sad
I try to calm her nerves
And make her feel better
What do I have to complain about?
as long as I'm taking care of my daughter
It ain't hard to see
That when life seems trying
And it all doesn't make sense
She puts a perspective in place
Making life as simple as can be
She means the world to me

I"m not the same person I used to be people

Smile, it's worth the mile
It isn't that bad.
No reason to get sad,
It's worth while.

So much pain, let it go away
Feel the sunlight of the day.
So many months of worrying sick,
Try really hard to get over it.

Life is full of grace, there is a place
A home to put a smile on your face.
From the dark skies turning bright,
Goodness for all seems worth the fight

Into the stormy night I go
Lost for words to and fro
Getting a piece of the pie
Longing for someone to bring
Me to life.

How can I stand upright
When all other motives seem
Oblivious to each side?

I walk the path less traveled
Weary of death around each corner
I see the beauty only for a glimpse
Then it's off trudging again and again

Here I awake to blossom aknew
Trying to find myself in the mirror
I long for happiness to come true
Instead of things that aren't clear

I make no sense out of contemplation
It only resorts to a flame igniting
Buried myself in observation
Hurried along with each striving

Easy does it but find my niche
Ask mother nature how I will exist
The latter will always appear
If my motives are perfectly clear

A haunting in their eyes
Wanting so badly to stay alive
All they want is something to eat
So they can be able to stand on their feet

I see the signs
Will work for food
The desperation in their minds
Wanting a place of their own too

Out in the cold
Out in the hot sun
They have to be bold
What happens to the little ones?

Seeing you kiss that guy
Made me so hateful inside
I just wanted to ****
Say goodbye to my will
Was we ever true to each other
I thought we weren't like that
Now it's a matter of time
That I will end up in jail
**** that, **** him and you
Turn the gun on myself
I can't take it anymore
Wishing you were someone else
A woman who wouldn't ******* cheat
But now I'm here beating my meat
And thinking so hard about slicing your throat
Where did I go wrong
Was I ever good enough for you
You should of let me go
Now you're ******* dead
And there is nothing more for me to do
Then take in this pain
And blow out my ******* brains