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jalalium Dec 2014
I want to write
But how could I?
I lost all my impetus
I am constantly fretting
Everything is a feral challenge
I'm hobbling around
Because my ego is dwindling
It has become a moribund
I wish death does me apart from it
I can no longer gad
I can no longer act
I am dead pending my last breath
I'm infuriated to see what i've become
Knowing who I was
But what can a waste of oxygen do?
Coping is useless
When drowning in a pain galore
I'm dying to want something
To dream it
To work for it
And to get it
I cannot want
Disappointment will follow
I cannot dream
Nightmares are better suited to pain
I would work
But work is vain
I won't get a thing
This is making me insane
jalalium Jan 2013
Lui, vivant dans un désert sentimental total, avait le teint si blafard
Elle, ayant la main mise sur tant de cœurs, était au sommet de sa gloire
Lui, cherchait une poignée pour remplacer celle cassée de son armoire
Elle, se trouvant aussi dans les parages, se tenait en face sur le trottoir

Et le destin décida de croiser leurs chemins en croisant leurs regards

Lui, envoûte par ses yeux, ne savait que faire, que sentir ou que croire
Elle, en mordillant sa lèvre inférieure, avait sur lui le plus total pouvoir
Lui, médusé sur place, sentit ce qu'il n'a jamais senti a quiconque égard
Elle, à l’âme arrogante se tourna, s'en alla sans même un petit au revoir
Lui, cœur brisé regretta de s’être livré à ce jeu aux risques ostentatoires

Pour dire que l'amour ,guerre ou personne ne peut jamais rien prévoir
Car, le cœur a ses raisons que la raison elle même ne saurait savoir
jalalium Sep 2013
Jaques le fumeur aimait les rouler étroits
Et toujours en fumait deux a la fois
J'aime fumer disait il
Quelle excuse futile!
Le tabac et ce qu'il y ajoutait l'esclavagèrent
Depuis qu'il n'utilisait plus son briquet que pour les concerts
L'esclave jamais ne dort
Car même la nuit il en roulait encore
Dans sa chambre, à coté de la fenêtre
O marchand de sable, plongez moi dans le bien-être
repetait il quand il n'en pouvait plus
mais ce soir la quelque chose de nouveau l'avait déplu
la constatation d'un changement l'avait dégoûté
L'eau de la bouteille avait noircit et maintenant sentait
la bouteille qu'il prenait pour cendrier car il n'en avait pas un
Fixe sur la bouteille il était terrifie de ce que lui réservait son destin
Il tendit la main vers la bouteille pour alléger sa cigarette
Hélas il y fit tomber sa possession la plus précieuse
Il devait affronter son dégoût et chercher entre les cigarettes
sinon son existence ne serait plus jamais délicieuse
il coupa la bouteille en deux
il chercha, chercha et chercha encore
main dans le goudron
mains sur le nez
Maintenant Jacques pleure
Aucune trace de son espoir
hier, aujourd'hui et demain pour lui ont la même couleur
il mourut 60 ans avant ses dernières mémoires
car quand il ne pouvait plus espérer
il cessa de vivre
jalalium Feb 2013
John's morning are failed evasions
Life busted him again, shortened vacation
Nights are for him the perfect occasions
To hide from life for a certain duration

John plays hide and seek with people
So their happiness does not find his pain
Because negatives are not good multiples
His sufferance is permanent, any help is in vain

John likes to eat when he remembers
That a full stomach enjoys cigarettes better
He is one of lung cancer's  club members
The mailman recently handed him the letter

John brings cigarette butts in contact with his skin
And presses them to feel, a verb he is usually lacking
He has no fear but the fear of happiness
It is a ghost of very persuasive nastiness

John counts days, sees them running and wishes they flew
Death is imminent, death is around the corner, death is at his pursue
Death, for john is the clue
Does John need rescue?
jalalium Feb 2013
Every morning I sleep with a frown
Each night I wake up feeling down

My dreams commited suicide
And soon after were joined by my pride
Fortune, on my shores, reaches in low tide
And of life I only see the back side

I calm the pain with injections of hope
To delay the urge, to keep away from the rope
But soon I will no longer cope
Ending my days is the epilogue of this scope

Because life is enjoyed through senses
And mine, to feel joy, have to jump fences
But jumping is vain though my repetitive offences
True smiles on my face are high expenses

I try to forget, but I forgot how
And soon I will say ciao
I've already chosen my bough
Where I will say "pain, do not follow me now"
Because if death is the enemy, I'll be a pow

I no longer can gad
You may say I am cad
Yet of dying I am glad
And to this poem, I want to add
"Mother, I love you so don't be sad
Father, forgive me and don't be mad
Friends, you were the best thing I had"
jalalium Jan 2013
life is a gestation whom due time is like no other
every cramp of it is a question to a hint to an answer
too many ways, paths, hopes and names to consider
umbilical cord is to feed, from reality, thirst and hunger
the embryonic soul and soul ought to suffer or to suffer
shall it ignore ignorance, it will drink thirst and eat hunger
places to materialize in, moments, similitudes to buffer
may it illuminate ignorance, it will eat thirst and drink hunger
questions to answers, labyrinths in mazes, thanks to prancer
pica seeks pleasure whom apogee reality will witness never
but to baby senses ****** is the eternal supposed starter
life is due, life is dead, illusion, O soul here is your answer
jalalium Nov 2013
Every phobia I feared was there
Verily terrifying abyss is the where
It will be my home after my last breath of air
Lonely i will not be; because, from it, nobody will i spare

Hate is my name but you know me as love
And you might think that i am your friend
The only one who always has a hand to lend
Even so, i cherish crushing your skull with my iron glove

I have lost
I'm ******
i will take you
with me
i will be your friend
the only one you need
i will convince you
i know i can
i will sell you joy
for seconds
and all what i ask for
is that you spend
with me
and my phobias
and yours
in pain
and sorrow
let me spoil it for you
i love your face
in fact,
i would love anything
just to take you with me
but i loved your face most
when i saw you realizing
that your fears
will be
with you

I lost and I shall make everyone lose.
jalalium Jan 2013
Quando eu vejo as suntuosas flores
Eu penso dela
Quando eu leio as cartas de amor de os grandes autores
Eu penso dela

Quando eu me perco no céu azul
Eu penso dela
Se eu trabalho,ela é quem eu trabalho pela
De todos os meus assuntos, o seu amor é o cônsul

Você tem as chaves de meu sorriso
não posso ser feliz sem você
Mais de quo o ar, eu te preciso
*Porque sem ti minha vida é tolice
jalalium Jan 2013

Yo, I am the best this dude can do
You know, I am what's up
You better get to know me asap
I am what all chicks try to woo

I play soccer so well i don't pass
look at me, I'm world class
just follow me, I am the compass
Yeah, I was born to be bad-***

Worries, I ain't got any
Always in good company
                                                      ­          Salutations, I really do not know much
                                                          **­wever, I wish the situation won't stay as such
                                                            ­     This existence drowns me in confusion
                                                       ­            A sentence to loneliness and delusion

                                                       ­   I consigned happiness to oblivion premeditatively
                                                 ­        After sadness and sorrow haunted me prematurely
                                                     ­    I then had to ignore all emotions to survive decently  
                                                      ­If happiness does not exist neither does sadness logically        

                                              ­          Emptiness is lethal, death is certain if empty is the inside
                                                        Se­eking knowledge can remorse the process, the last ride
                                                  Ride from stars to "who am i?" to "are they real?" with no guide
                                           Captivity to knowledge requires evasion, evasion with no heart is suicide                                                             

                                                             ­                                                                 ­        hello, I am always hiding
                                                          ­                                                            becau­se this body to me is binding
                                                         ­                                                             ever­yday, my hope in life is fading
                                                          ­                                                                 ­         will I ever end up deciding

                                                       ­                                                                 ­         I surely do not sound logical
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                 but I too have feelings
                                                        ­                                                                 I wish I could do so many things
                                                                ­                                                    24 hours of being would be magical
                                                      ­                                                                 ­      beauty can hide in ugly places
                                                          ­                                                             and a diamond has so many faces
                                                           ­                                                          in this body I am leaving my traces
                                                          ­                                                      I might be hiding but fear no menaces

Sharing a body is quite complex
Living every second in a multiplex
With a brain leaving you perplex
A primitive instinct and its reflex
A soul that has fortitude  to flex.
jalalium Jan 2013
the dream in which i perish is by far the best
me in action, me in question, me in the quest
reality's blocking, censorship's choking, no rest
and i perish in the dream therefore it's the best
jalalium Oct 2015
Adam est fade tellement il est ordinaire
La gravite est monotone, elle date d'avant Terre
Adam aime tout le monde, haïr est inique
La gravite me permet d'attirer, or je n'ai rien d'unique
Adam, vous; humains; vous comptez en milliards
Gravite, de l'atome a Adam, rien n’échappe a ton radar
Adam se sent serein au sein de sa famille
La gravite arrange les atomes pesés en harmonie
Ève vit Adam et ne trouva rien a lui reprocher
Electricité domine toute gravite dans les distances rapprochées
Ève trouve l'homme, la stabilité, la nécessaire et suffisante distraction
L'electricite se moque des dimensions, seule compte l'attraction
Ève, douée du sentiment, cède et concède par peur du changement
L'electricite en mariant les atomes force leur rattachement
Ève et Adam devinrent un couple, une eve et un adam
L'electricite, égalisatrice, meurt sous les yeux de l'éternelle gravite
jalalium Jan 2013
Hello,  I was born at the exact death of the 20th century
I was also born witness of the birth of the 21th, a new glory
And all events i am rhyming here are for me history
Since they were all buried when I had no memory
At, least supposed to but my case was desultory
back to 1973

A baby was born
between death and life he was torn
And to an unforeseen path he was sworn
Out of the hush of the womb, his ears perceived every sound as a horn

1977 and my first joy
The old place looked coy
he, now Simon, was playing with a toy
as every night, a ritual he seemed to enjoy
Again, that toy and only that toy he did employ
Me, I could not get my eyes of a doll, everything else you could destroy
The doll that did not exist to the boy

And deep inside of me i wish i could brush her hair
But I could not even feel air
my eyes tore up and my hopes i decided to spare
suddenly a flare
And I saw three circles, I swear
This seemed rare
Even under shock, I could see Simon sitting there
I did not know why of him only i was aware
And about my existence, he did not care
This did not seem fair
He suddenly and brutally shook his hair
Like if he was hearing a blare
And his pain i hoped to share
but it was pain he could bare

He recovered in a blink of an eye
at first he turned his head and seemed shy
Then he took the doll but why?
he brushed her hair and care he did apply
I would do it the same way if i was a guy
Oh My!
Thrill of joy really made me cry
It is the first time that reality to my wishes did comply
I don't have wings but I believe i can fly
The butterflies in my tummy made me reach the sky
Then, he stopped, held his neck wry
And without knowing where to look said hi

1989 and I was still confused
at times I was amused
at times my soul was abused
The time when he did what i refused
All the time that was misused
But wounds have bruised
and everything was excused

Like when Simon sought privacy
And even from me he wanted to hide
but that showed inefficacy
And in discovering his body he took pride

He was as hot as the sun
And he seemed to have a lot of fun
His sight was fixed in the fashion of a look at a loved one
I needed to know my body to get what was done

My body was totally different, built in an other way
More like those girls that took him away
I felt jealous how he chose with whom to play
I was mad, with him i did not want to stay
I wanted my own body with no delay

And in this mixture of feelings I saw it again
This 2000 is driving me insane
And I bet he will feel it too in his brain
to calm the pain, this time he had to crane

He stood up and went to his sister's room
He was looking for something specific, I presume
He was looking for a costume
Girly underwear, a dress and perfume
I suddenly felt lighter than a plume
The senses that I do not have felt a boom
I felt like home I assume
I came into being, I was out of the gloom
It was short, my existence waved away, my dreams were spume
Finally he slept, all his energy and mine he did consume

And that one night was dramatic
That one dream was tragic
Simon seemed ecstatic
He also seemed older but I did not panic
He was not alone and it got problematic
He was with a young girl, she was static
I was the girl and it got enigmatic
I saw the flash again, this time it was emphatic
And for the first time I slept, it was systematic
And for four years, I dreamed, it was monochromatic

After I woke up all my confusion found explanation
And I learned a whole lot from this dream's narration
And to understand it all, it took me gobs of concentration
Finally, from all my pain and sorrow I found salvation
That 2000 I kept seeing will be the end of my gestation
Simon was not a mystery anymore, with him I had a relation
He was my father, and his dream found explication
During those two years, I listened to a long oration
And I learned tons about my father's future reputation
Still, some issues needed cogitation
What was I doing in this generation?
What caused this weird agitation?
Did Simon feel the same sensation?
Oh! shall I call him daddy now, his true appellation?
I was in sedation
Thinking about the identity of my mother gave me palpitation

1993 and my father was in college
He was so hopeful yet so depressed
He spent days and nights seeking knowledge
but he did not he was going to be the best

I felt his pain, his fear
his future didn't seem clear
I wanted to tell him about his great year
That he will be a pioneer
His success will be sincere
And his talent will be admired throughout the sphere

But I talked facts and he heard inspiration
And what he will accomplish became now his fixation
He could feel the joy of the standing ovation
The one where I stood to proclaim his vocation
He fell in the temptation
And enjoyed the fruits of his ongoing plantation
He sensed my presence and crashed in frustration

1997 And the years left were few
And I did not know how i'll get through
My father was traveling to Peru
When he drowned in her eyes, they were blue
This seemed like a deja vu
This was my mother, this was my only clue
And all along, her he tried to woo
I was excited to meet someone new
someone that could be my mother, my debut
Of them being together I enjoyed the view
But my guesses were untrue
And from this relationship he withdrew
And the two of them said Adieu

1998 and all this is approaching its end
My father was lonely with no friend
and to him love and amiability I did send
And his knowledge of me did ascend
but he was seeing me as his girlfriend
I admit, this situation did offend
I wish he could comprehend

Maybe he was confused  
I wanted to show him how gorgeous I will be
But only the beauty he did see
And his body he abused
To materialize what he pictured as beauty

He named me Stephany
Without understanding my entity
One time, he went out not sure of his identity
He first went somewhere I did not catch regretfully
And then He bought a necklace that said Stephany**

I knew it was for me
I felt life and joy
but I felt freezing
like if I were in cold storage
I did not know why?

1999 and it's the end of March
If my dreams were true
Simon should ******* soon
But he did not
Nothing out of the usual
Except one random thing
A few days ago, I felt warmth
I felt life, I felt agitation
But everything I could perceive was normal

2010, Now I am ten
Winter again
Cold and freezing as I was then
I know my father, I never met him, I will stay zen
May I find him and take away the cold Amen
Till then
I will immortalize it all with my pen.

— The End —