the first cut is always the deepest*
So I've heard them say
I would have never thought that one day I'd end up here
I would have never thought of my self like this
Struggling not to take a razor to my skin
And tear it apart
Sitting there watching the pretty skin
Disappear into scars and a deathly red fluid
I know one day I will go too far
But I'm so far gone I won't care
The multiple laserations on my writs are painful
But not as painful as what you did to me
But with those few words to tore me down
And took me back to this place
This place I refere to as home
Because I was only gone for a short while
This thing they call addiction is powerful
So powerful I can't stop anymore
I'm sorry
But I'm gone now

I don't like memories
Because the tears come easy
And once again I break
My promise to myself for this day
It's a constant battle
A war between remembering
And forgetting.

While talking to you
You said I made you smile
Made you happy
Made your day

After these months I
Am elated I can
Still make your lips
Shift from their usual form

Turn these scars
Into something beautiful
I am tired of staring
At the mess on my wrists

Take my hurt and
Kiss it all better
I bet if you tried you could twist
My scars into pictures and photographs

Cause this mess that I've made
Is a disaster of rage
The price that I've paid
Is too high to trade

And I am lost in the razors
That's I hold so dear
My safety will be
The death of me

And I'm sorry
For only being half of
What I used to be
And I'm sorry
For only being able to
Give what's left of me
And I'm sorry for all the
Mistakes that I've made
The thank you's I've not let free

I'm sorry
For being there
When I'm not