It's intensity is consuming
Frighteningly all incompassing

Flashes of bright brilliant need
Hunger and heart crushing pain

Boiling new and old ache
It rises and is my world

All at once, all I know and how
It demands that pressure be bled

Straining containment
Poetic explosions errupt
Volcanically ejecting line after line

All I can do is attempt sense
As I let the beast go

Screaming silently at the world

To get it out before
I am but embers, dieing out

Amidst the smoke and wind

I am so very, very tired
So long have I been at this
I see it is My turn, so tired
Long past due I let it go
This weight that my heart hordes
So much so that it knows no other's
You should know, I own the burden
Though it is imbued by You
My heart is unbending in its loyalty
Knows no technicality or view
Only You, that so very, very long ago
Woke in my breast the love
In turn became a world
My heart can't see Me destroy
And every day, so many nights,
So very many times I have known
Dreams from which my heart speaks
Each it calls out for You, you alone
Dreams are not weightless
As foolishly I once believed,
One, a few, even hundreds,
Difficult to notice when added
As life, living, the toll those carry
For so long, so very, very many nights
And I am tired, I confess at the threat of collapsing, and through the taxing of time
Being alone, incapable of loving
No other, I have tried and they knew
The weight my heart holds for you
Long past due I confess I still Love You
Unlike You, my heart never sought new
Never wanted any but You
Causing haunted dreams,
and shall I think forever
This is my hearts letter,  
my attempt to move on,
But never over... You.

Tilting my view saw through you.
Though your ability to deceive,
Took more than a few degrees.
Passing that threshold threw me
I won't lie to protect or grow the ego
Inside, where next to it lays fragile strings
Sore and worn and one note more
Strummed, to break if not your song cease
Those beautiful compositions you play
Telling sweet, self-serving manipulations
Crafted and performed perfect, to a silent audience, caught up in and controlled
Each and every heart and this one
That owned the stage from
which they held you in spotlights
As such talent as you have honed
To masquerade as respect, devotion
Now clearly seen as scripted and rehearsed
Lies and disrespect, complete bulkshit
Boo you and so begins that fall from grace

Ray of Light
For too long now,
these clouds...
Gray and deep,
like ink in water...
The landscape beneath,
barren, cold, forgotten...
Winds and rain,
lightning and thunder...
Just me, alone in this,
my way is guarded...
I'd given up,
no hope, no light...
Surrendered.
Then You came,
So bright, brilliant...
A single ray of light,
through those clouds...
You found Me,
In that light, peace...
And the ground,
hope taking root...
growing,...
that single ray exploding...
making a world I thought I knew,
New, intense and surprisingly wonderful.
A ray of light, And a world
I owe all to you.

I want, what by rights I might never have been to have done without.
To enjoy the kiss of sunlight entwined within the caress of gentle summer winds.
To gaze in delight, as gazed upon by eyes so endearing nearly bursting are they with appreciation and fond wishes.
A life that is less unsure and exceedingly willing to do more, to open and confess through action the depths of commitment and devotion to such cause as doing good in other's lives.
Creating joy and smiling often.
Confessing love without expectation or disappointment.
For time with my reflection, eye to eye, knowing that we are alright.
Asking the one within to join in celebration
The very act of life, and embracing the time given.  
To know these emotions in relatable terms.
I would like to see my limits and find no disappointment in them.
To step up to my fears and embrace them as the fibers of the but one part of the whole that make me who I am.

I wish I could out these things into beautiful verses.

To share somehow just how deeply I feel I've locked myself away inside.  

To know love.  Return it and never feel so lonely as I seem to always be.  

I want to share myself with like minded souls.

To experience unconditional, and how wonderful this must be.  

To know how or where, this is done.

But here I sit, again.  Rambling

Felt it in subtle way
Clues that she betrays
I move close though
She seems to go off away
I begin to see it
Even If she says different
We ain't going to make it
Welcome to the final days
Love this far gone
It won't be much longer
When i choose not to
And she keeps going
Welcome to the ending
This is where we are love.
Where i am
You just walk away.
The end.

The lines contrast starkly
Against the prestinely white
Paper medium of this art
Blank and screaming
Pleading to bring to light
These feelings all trapped in
As I try I often find that I
Simply live an unremarkable life
That is missing any type of spark
No real sorrow or strife
Or complicated views on why
Less glamourous struggles
Most times I write
It is borne less from my eyes
It's me pretending at the poetic angst within

If after falling in love
Again.  
Would they?

If after having read, These
of mine
Poems
Could they?

Stay.  

These are only but
Shades, and glimpses
I am here, today

Stay.

I cannot bring myself
To be rid of
They are my soul
Choices, dreams,
My hopes,
Learned lessons

A map of how
And because -of's
I am
This way
I am

After knowing

Would they ever...

There is a sort of equilibrium in the notion

Of embracing someone or a future certain

On the one side; Thrill, closeness, nervous bouts of what if, desire, touching, feeling, wanting and holding at war with fear.
Of loss, of gaining, of learning to trust again.
Its counterweight; only certainty
Of safety, of simple safe existence though Lonely, and wondering.

Knowing such...  I choose....

Shouting without sound
So deafeningly envelopes
My mind a dizzying compound
Voices uniquely all my own
Circles and incessant banter
Back and forth praises some
Criticism seemingly echo
So frequent to nearly permanent
Dangerous self-appraisals
Most are exposed and understood
Systematically picked apart
discarded seen for what they were
Countered conscious affirmations
Feeling weak in the chaos
Introspection's melt to
Familiar jingles implanted
******* commercials are effective
I many dialogs in my charge
Honestly 90 percent of unheard
Or forgotten as quickly as the next thought
struggle and circles and lost articles
This is my mind, inside voices
All my sides and fears and guardian words
choices, ponderings, and resignations
No wonder terrible migraines viciousness
They create order and pinpoint focus
Every voices subject and order reigns
Pain does this duel edge solution
And i have found my own hands
Given the freedom to manipulate or create
Without a voice directing quiets my
Mind my dialogs turn to strings
Easy to appreciate, acknowledge
And i am zen-like in this watching
My hands create a peace I've thought fabled
So i tinker, i take apart, rather do appendages
Paint, or mold, sculpt or scribble upon paper
Coax words into my own form of poetic function.  Hands busy puts me into a place i run to often.  This is a result that written out i smiled and i listened to each line as i typed
Content and quite in appreciation.  Hope you like it.

Who to ask?

But I know no open questions.

If I really knew why I don't?

So long ago I forgot my reasons.

Time needs no help to pass

won't two wrongs then?

Admitting weakness is daunting, difficult

One must be strong.

Being weak won't excuse this?

Character flawed?

make me certain.

Anything must be something?

More than worthless.

Maybe that's it?

To be certain.