Who to ask?

But I know no open questions.

If I really knew why I don't?

So long ago I forgot my reasons.

Time needs no help to pass

won't two wrongs then?

Admitting weakness is daunting, difficult

One must be strong.

Being weak won't excuse this?

Character flawed?

make me certain.

Anything must be something?

More than worthless.

Maybe that's it?

To be certain.

There is a sort of equilibrium in the notion

Of embracing someone or a future certain

On the one side; Thrill, closeness, nervous bouts of what if, desire, touching, feeling, wanting and holding at war with fear.
Of loss, of gaining, of learning to trust again.
Its counterweight; only certainty
Of safety, of simple safe existence though Lonely, and wondering.

Knowing such...  I choose....

The lines contrast starkly
Against the prestinely white
Paper medium of this art
Blank and screaming
Pleading to bring to light
These feelings all trapped in
As I try I often find that I
Simply live an unremarkable life
That is missing any type of spark
No real sorrow or strife
Or complicated views on why
Less glamourous struggles
Most times I write
It is borne less from my eyes
It's me pretending at the poetic angst within

That black and white,
Picture perfect everything
house and a wife
life's problems trivial
End with happy endings,
life is perfect
airwave education
We the TV generation
the picture box taught
as kids we believed
Life will be perfect,
As we deserve it,
Expectant, entitled ignorance
To believe life as writers dreamed
Love too easy,
be the stuff of legend
this life and the next
pact promised with a kiss
Forever, through sickness
and in health,
a financed diamond ring.
the world kept right outside
does not have theme music
and it doesn't give one ****
endings are neither good or bad to
simply death, pain, incarceratiosnd injustice and a clear line drawn
Have all | want it
Survival of the richest

Shouting without sound
So deafeningly envelopes
My mind a dizzying compound
Voices uniquely all my own
Circles and incessant banter
Back and forth praises some
Criticism seemingly echo
So frequent to nearly permanent
Dangerous self-appraisals
Most are exposed and understood
Systematically picked apart
discarded seen for what they were
Countered conscious affirmations
Feeling weak in the chaos
Introspection's melt to
Familiar jingles implanted
******* commercials are effective
I many dialogs in my charge
Honestly 90 percent of unheard
Or forgotten as quickly as the next thought
struggle and circles and lost articles
This is my mind, inside voices
All my sides and fears and guardian words
choices, ponderings, and resignations
No wonder terrible migraines viciousness
They create order and pinpoint focus
Every voices subject and order reigns
Pain does this duel edge solution
And i have found my own hands
Given the freedom to manipulate or create
Without a voice directing quiets my
Mind my dialogs turn to strings
Easy to appreciate, acknowledge
And i am zen-like in this watching
My hands create a peace I've thought fabled
So i tinker, i take apart, rather do appendages
Paint, or mold, sculpt or scribble upon paper
Coax words into my own form of poetic function.  Hands busy puts me into a place i run to often.  This is a result that written out i smiled and i listened to each line as i typed
Content and quite in appreciation.  Hope you like it.

Ray of Light
For too long now,
these clouds...
Gray and deep,
like ink in water...
The landscape beneath,
barren, cold, forgotten...
Winds and rain,
lightning and thunder...
Just me, alone in this,
my way is guarded...
I'd given up,
no hope, no light...
Surrendered.
Then You came,
So bright, brilliant...
A single ray of light,
through those clouds...
You found Me,
In that light, peace...
And the ground,
hope taking root...
growing,...
that single ray exploding...
making a world I thought I knew,
New, intense and surprisingly wonderful.
A ray of light, And a world
I owe all to you.

Hello purple hue

Pouring out of the lonely folk

Inside where the blue and bright

can be denied by a drawn curtain

or a closed blind, locked inside

safe from view.  Hidden.

Miserable.  How are you?

Why so blue?  Red just left?

That explains it.  

I guess than, it is still better than

this opaque grey-wash that I feel.

Now if you would kindly please,

be off of my window sill, as the first rays

coming and I need to close these blinds

before they do.  Safe, and tucked away

again, by myself.  miserable.

it was nice seeing you.

Will I? Love.

As once I had
Fallen?

It is into these pools
of light collected
I come to know myself
The thoughts.
Never confessed.

Jack changed.

But just once
Devastated.

Ill equipped this heart.
A cruel keeper.

So still.
As are my chances.

Jack changes
From the currents
That purpose favor.

To walk with me.

Moments of unspoken.

Body moves my unwavering
Sense of nothingness.

Tilting my view saw through you.
Though your ability to deceive,
Took more than a few degrees.
Passing that threshold threw me
I won't lie to protect or grow the ego
Inside, where next to it lays fragile strings
Sore and worn and one note more
Strummed, to break if not your song cease
Those beautiful compositions you play
Telling sweet, self-serving manipulations
Crafted and performed perfect, to a silent audience, caught up in and controlled
Each and every heart and this one
That owned the stage from
which they held you in spotlights
As such talent as you have honed
To masquerade as respect, devotion
Now clearly seen as scripted and rehearsed
Lies and disrespect, complete bulkshit
Boo you and so begins that fall from grace

I am so very, very tired
So long have I been at this
I see it is My turn, so tired
Long past due I let it go
This weight that my heart hordes
So much so that it knows no other's
You should know, I own the burden
Though it is imbued by You
My heart is unbending in its loyalty
Knows no technicality or view
Only You, that so very, very long ago
Woke in my breast the love
In turn became a world
My heart can't see Me destroy
And every day, so many nights,
So very many times I have known
Dreams from which my heart speaks
Each it calls out for You, you alone
Dreams are not weightless
As foolishly I once believed,
One, a few, even hundreds,
Difficult to notice when added
As life, living, the toll those carry
For so long, so very, very many nights
And I am tired, I confess at the threat of collapsing, and through the taxing of time
Being alone, incapable of loving
No other, I have tried and they knew
The weight my heart holds for you
Long past due I confess I still Love You
Unlike You, my heart never sought new
Never wanted any but You
Causing haunted dreams,
and shall I think forever
This is my hearts letter,  
my attempt to move on,
But never over... You.