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36 · Aug 2020
Inside out of reach
Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2020
My mind is pressed upon
Imagine sinking phantoms
Such pressure crushing
But there where light is memory
The scalpels behind these eyes
As if held by ruthless thought
Are killers that attack in the bright light situations and then
Writing..  then... Is out down...
To rest my eyes and to end this ******* head ache again
36 · Oct 2020
Wrapped in Simplicity
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2020
Take me as I am

Be it There
then not

Back again, gone
Lost, until not

And I am abstract
Uniquely capable
I turn within
One time too few
Too late
to ask it right

I am not
one of those
outgoing types

subtle and lost
Tunneling in
the man
I am is a lost cause
36 · Nov 2020
There's A Side To Me
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2020
I am a self imposed stranger
To the lives in the world as they were
I played and pretended to feel
Such amazing friends to be one who isn't
I drift away. I did.  I fell away.
Maybe they saw it when I faded off
Flickering briefly and... Gone. Thought I meant a little more than nothing... Worth calling out.
I did, but I wonder why I feel this sad
Better i guess than feeling nothing again.
Like when I did.
36 · Jul 2020
No Good Thoughts Writing
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
Real these moments of self
Reasons written by a broken inside
Beautiful, and missing deeply
35 · Jun 2020
I am so sad
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
So sick of the woes
The pep talks
I want to die
A little more
Every lonely night.  
Reasons are dwindling
How will I know it
If I never meet anyone
How I feel is truth
Nobody holds me
They love and they
Don't.
They say they know
But I know nothing
But hoping and holding
To be alone 6
35 · Jun 2020
Outside A Living Dream
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
I sit, feeling...
Thinking, witnessing
All too surreal,
Scenes playing out
Scenarios I've long
Long ago lost all hope
Of seeing outside dreams
This really is, isn't this?
The ease of familiarities
I know how much
How completely, intensely
I have prayed and wished
For this... As I am here
So are the two loves
I would die for, still, always
Finally, yet outside
I seem not to allow even
This living dream
Passed these ******* walls
I've hidden my best self
Away in.
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
Three corners wrapped against
Weathered and pressure treated
Elevated antique communication
Faded paper starts to tear free
One corner in the breeze
So faintly my profile sun leached
Some ages and several squalls
That picture of me older even
I wonder if they came out
Lining up scanning earth, open ranges
Do they swim still, down murky
Are there secrets anonymously
Lost now, how do they feel
They gave up I am still not home
Inwardly they've mornef and moved
Life is to each our only found
Please before this wind takes me
Say a prayer for me, and look around
I was missed, taken, lost forgotten
Now just this page, is left of me
35 · Jun 2020
Untitled
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Don't they say
They know me
But I don't
know anything
Now that is
Off and out of place
Yet I am here
Where my heart is
Mattering nothing
To very very little
If at all
Leads me to then
I am impatient
Mostly tired
Sick throughout
Endings are lasting
Hellos require judgement
I am simple
And I am tired
Me here alone
Always within
And literally
In the present
Home comes after
After is the door
With no latch
No handle
Enter by invitation
None without
34 · May 2020
So Tired
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
Not one minute
Of any one day
As reference
Do I get to pause
Take in or notice
Any scenery but blurred
Hectic and deliberate
But this is sustainable
I do a lot to make up
All I want now is sleep
To fall off and away
I'm so tired
So tired
34 · Jul 2020
Only Moments Stolen
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
This must be quick
*****, and from the need

I am selfish this way
Stealing these moments

Though brief,
I am not falling into line

Instead tapping out a message

T...H...E...R...E...
I...S...
M...O...R...E...
T...O...
L...I...F...E...

That said, this must end
Time to get to work

Or else...
34 · Nov 2020
Distractions welcomed
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2020
I, when not in motion
Dread being caught in such state
For it is then that my words
And stagnant truths
Do so collect around me
Reminding, all my thoughts
Passed attempts do pool
All progress seems useless
As the lack of purpose continues

Do these waters grow thicker
Efforts then slow as I thrash about
Desperately in search of distraction
As my means of moving on.
Repressed as this is I know
It saves me from drowning
Beneath these pools
my thoughts and closure
Being without you
34 · Jul 2020
To write; Too Late
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
For the lack of your company
I am...






Without.
32 · May 2020
Faces through language
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
I am faceless here
As is she, and him
Them, yes
Faceless as well.

Safe.

We've all arrived
In this place
Of written introductions
Contemplating, pondering
perusing, as we like
Inner workings
and frustrations
Laced in subtle sums
to soundless the equivalent
Like Shouting
or crying out

Need driving every one
Of we the authors,
The critics, or
the fans unknown

We contribute at leisure
Following kindred
and awe-inspiring gifted
We are Meeting
through simple likes

Those of us
The frequent sorts
I find, you may
or may not
Agree as I do
Feel that we meet
the writer
Faceless as we are
these similar others
On personal hidden levels
Not shown to the world
Of faced people,
of the sources
That spur some
words to come
I meet amazing people
Through this magic
of language
And to they, to you all

thank you.
32 · Aug 2020
Succumbed
Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2020
Next...

    Next step.


Beneath...

   Them all.

My will...

   I, will.

Next...

   Failing.

One more...

   Nothing.


Succumbed.
32 · Aug 2020
Ever Face Away
Jack R Fehlmann Aug 2020
The day is bended
Blended by monotony
humdrum foot steps
Upon the heel of then
The view is aging
A translation in spectrum
Burnt tasting inhalation my
The world aflame
As always we
All face away
32 · Jun 2020
Precipice
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Sweet bitterness is this recollection

I am hurting in countless ways

Outwardly this shell I witness
Has begun it's declining dive

To depth of self loathing deep

Knowing that I am alone

Still it is my own sadness

I hold on to even here at the end

The precipice I hesitate in aching

Mourning over my choices

Over you
31 · Jun 2020
Untitled
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
This is Me
I have half
Behind
Less in clear
Memories
Untold in front
As nobody
Knows
Before that day
And I
Have never known
Real love
I only thought
Maybe they
I might one day
That was counting up
Numbers decline
daily for me
And I'm done
Hoping to meet
I'm getting on with
Giving up.  
I'm damaged goods
31 · Jun 2020
grateful
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Before I acknowledge
This vessel, these surroundings
From within, this vantage
Resting comfortably
upon a pillow
I take measure, this life
So pours forth my gratitude
In concert the steady cadence
This heart, filled in love
Joy and those dearest
As I simply breathe
And appreciate
Another day ahead of me.
31 · Jun 2020
Crossroad
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Nothing remains new
       He told himself
Alone, even now, again
      Once great roads
In and at the end after all
       Lead him here
A crossroad of change
        Named Let-go
Or Die-alone-forgotten
30 · May 2020
Untitled
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
I believe in the secrets
Warm, like the summer rain
Familiar as the mirrors face.
The slipping, ticking, tock
Is in no measure accurate
The simple, binary thuggish
Acts put on in secret
Thinking they are hidden
They are not.
30 · Jul 2020
Hello poet
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
We, are one in the same
Now aren't we?  
Separate only behind
finger smudged glass
As together we seek
Likes or reread our writes
Eye to eye we try and try
To save the other
Writing to right wrongs
Felt inside most every night
Hello to you my reflection
What will we try this time
Will it be liked?
29 · Jul 2020
oh upheaval be mine
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
Tick away the tock, tock, tock
With pendulum stealing away
To come back and
away brass reflection
Any moment any second
Raise this existence
From the endless swishing
Whilst I lose my day in
29 · Jun 2020
The Breeze
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
A gift of Calm
foretelling storms
Turn gray bright horizons
inward melancholy wants
I see truth
Feel Sorrow unforgettable

Happiness the breeze
like the trees
I vainly want
Reaching
and swaying
Never holding onto

It is all around me
the wind plays
free and happy
always moving
Never still
never my own

— The End —