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Oct 2013 · 298
You,.. In a Quick Minute
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
You,.. In a Quick Minute
Vanilla sunlight draping everything,
seemingly excited and made grand again
this world,.. yes, this world the very one
I've been wading and wallowing about in.
Until you,.. In a quick minute
No more no less,... Made desirable and enticing
By the way of your smile,  your soft lips,
the noticeable way your blue pupils dilate
Oh, to smile,... I mean it,... for me to do this
such a lost and fragile orchestra of...
oh,... my...  You,... In a minute...
Made a non believing mess less...
but more,... so much more...
more than I can confess in a minute...
you... deserve minutes, hours, as long as you desire
You... in a minute,... I thank you every second.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 542
The Hardest Part
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
The Hardest Part
Is it the hardest part
the getting on with, or over
Laying bones to rest,
Forgiving barbed tongues
Or embracing well deserved sorrow
I know I for one held on
for so long, secretly hoping
waiting and denying new love
martyred by my loss
victimized and over guarded
afraid to realize what may come
foolish as at last I've opened up
that was the easiest,
the hardest part was believing
I could never do it.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 386
"Pretend To You; Still Here"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Pretend To You; Still Here"
Let's pretend...
I am still Your best friend,
like back then...
you know we had something,
It wasn't anyone's fault,
life happens, love hangs in there
my heart has never faltered.
I may have said some things,
I regret having said them to harm you,
see I was hurt, losing you hurt
still aches within my breast
and my mind never goes far from you.
I know that I have, I do, I will,
I am still...  
In love with you.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 440
"Lovely As I'll Never Be"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Lovely As I'll Never Be"
Upon imaginary wings,
Three beats beneath
Creation's favor
As lovely as You are
Truest green, your eyes,
Armoring
the secrets,
unique reasons
You smile, isn't for me
As lovely as I let you be
As lovely as I allow
Given wings,
You above, Me
Behind, beneath
Use these eyes for once
See what I can find
what needs belief
I believe because its you
you can be something
little or as grand
As I want from you
Someone pure
Unique to a world
offered up to you
your beautiful face
As I gaze up
to you, my new heaven
As lovely as I will never be.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 716
"Brave Face"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Brave Face"
Brave Face
see me now,
Look at my brave face
I can be a charmer
Saying such nice things
Meant to disarm you
See me
I can be a liar
Saying the things
The real me cannot say
See my brave face
So patient and understanding
Hides the real me
I can be so unforgiving
Because I see now
I am not worthy
I am though
I am worthy of forgetting
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.4k
"Into You"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Into You"
I can feel you watching
I hear your sins
I feel your eyes upon me
I can even sense your longing
Why don't you?
Come...
I can smell your scent,
Oh, and now...
I am wanting you
Oh, how you...
Seducing me,
trying to ****** you
You are just waiting
Why, don't you?
Come...
Why are you waiting
tell me,
Because I know nothing
You are special
The wetness,
Primal aching
Are you watching?
I want you,..
Watching
I want you,..
Hearing me
I want you...
Needing me
Bring me into you,
Why, don't you?
Come... bring me inside
When you want me
to be patient,
but aren't we impatient?
Practically begging
Why, don't you?
Like waiting
Who's waiting now?
Who's walking out?
Who's Unwilling now?
Who's drooling now?
Why don't you?
Walking out.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 790
"Dreamt of Murky Water"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Dreamt of Murky Water"
I have this dream...
   In which I am a wanderer

Dark streams,
   Of murky water
      Washing over...

No moon, nor stars
   Do force any boundary
      Eaten completely

Pitch Black, Empty
   The sky above

No means by which
   To measure this
      The endlessness of time

Here is only the cold
   Only the unforgiving
      Currents flowing

            Life’s murky waters

Endless, forever,
   pouring

Out of control
   Constantly pulling

            My head slips under

Tired of fighting
   I learn to let go

Sinking beneath ever more
   Towards darkness
      Inescapable abyss
         To unknowns below
      Into the resting place
   To life’s secret
The true meaning of it all

   Letting go, I give myself
      I am welcomed back home
From where we come
   we all will go,...
            Home.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 752
"All I Miss Most"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"All I Miss Most"
I miss most of all
Is foolish thinking
Willingly accepting risk
Selfishly denying the all too possible
Believing in the happy ending
Deciding I don't deserve anything less
Offering my very weaknesses for protest
Make up ***,
*** that means something
Forgiveness in troubled folly
The good morning kiss
All the pushing and compromising
Little known confessions of insecurities
The way such beauty makes my ego pleased
But I don't have this...
I only know the last time I was so important
Most of all I miss feeling worthy
Even though I'm not.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 298
"What I See"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"What I See"
Funny what I choose...
Only what I want to see
Only my faults
Only shortcomings
Only what is lost
Only things not coming
Only taking from me
Only unprepared
Only unwanted
Only the dearest of things
Only living Only the motions
Only despair
Only me knowing
Only I am forgotten
Only me.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 245
"In This Silly Little Pool"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"In This Silly Little Pool"
Silly little tides,
in a funny little pool,
I'm at my end,
Drowning to get to you.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.0k
"Liar"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Liar"
I smile
because I am eager
To not disappoint
Because I don't fit
I Lie
I am a Liar
I say what is pleasant
Promises of tomorrow
Take the fall
Not because I'm a bad person
I'm thoughtful
Using little lies
White necessity
Like Everyone
using them When the truth
Like me, can hurt
instead I spare them
I'm so nice
I Lie
I am a Liar
I use the very same reason
for nobody but myself
most of the time
So I can hide it away
So fluent am I
In this art of deflection
Protecting the lesser parts of me
so selfish, so frightened
so embarrassed by my faults,
Short-comings, things I don't like
So I lie
I am a Liar
See me, I am perfection
So easily liked,
I am lovely, thoughtful, caring
Tell me from the lies?
I have lost the ability
Who am I?
I Lie,
I am a Liar,
Selfish, uncaring
Insecure and hiding my reasons
Concerned not, for others
Unless it's their judgements,
So I Lie,
to be, to fit, to please, to pretend
Who am I?
I won't answer that honestly
I Lie
I am a Liar,
I blend in beside them
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 610
"Manifest Myself a Lonely Man"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Manifest Myself a Lonely Man"
Right now, again I can’t take a breath
And the longing that I’ve been holding back
It is set loose to wreak more havoc
Welcome and expected the beautiful aftermath
Knowing the sadness for what it is
Embracing the bitterness rising up again
Now manifest myself this lonely man
Still hoping and foolishly longing after her
The woman I know I thought I might have loved
Knowing she doesn’t want him she doesn’t love him
More time is squandered and that time adds up
Bit by bit wasted on the woman he knows
I am okay with wasting away
Because I know I thought I really loved her
And I feel happiest when I am living in the past
Always longing
Always looking back
So I manifest myself this lonesome man
All he has lost and all he regrets
All the while knowing deep within my breast
She is not coming she is forever going
She is never coming back
Manifest myself this man
Exactly where I am at.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 356
"Some day... Maybe"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Some day... Maybe"
If I'm the guy who waits,
is there some way?
Cause here I am, I was, I remain.
The aging clocks face,
ticks out each second passed,
and here I am regardless.
Caught up in fairy tale nostalgia,
forgiven all the wrongs, hurt endured,
selecting only the best and cherished
fleeting flickers of glimpses
at night just as I fade 
to the place where you still come
there too, not always pleasant.
Sometimes I wake and ache so bad
but the cause of that is you
Will I ever turn you out, face away?
Is this time squandered, wasted, fruitless?
Or one day are we going to be, again?
Am I okay with no love unless, unless...
if nothing changes, distance remains,
who to blame but my own cowardice.
Some day, one day, maybe,
hearts can change.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 439
"Cannot Move You"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Cannot Move You"
You,... know who You are
And still I cannot move you...
As if the sum of this is nothing...
All of these dreams 
Supporting just the one...
So many words written
To move o my the One
Outside this fraction of another...
Just pleading to be whole.
A gift, a promise, one for another...
From this one sided vision
Is it too unique for You to want it?
Does it matter I care
This is forever as promised...
And yet that as a thought
Truly moves only me.
Alone with my thoughts.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 613
"Sucks Because She Is Still Beautiful"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"***** Because She Is Still Beautiful"
every time our rides,
these now separate,
unconnected lives, paths...
coincide,
those amazing features,
flawless neck line,
my eyes make time
for her
though their conquests know
much more
distant,
propagate fantasies, memories
of what those full lips could do,
how the caress of hers set my heart aflame.
one way thoughts
that end
in the present,
in this wreck of a life,
wasted
every day wanting
to have
died
just the day before
goodbyes were given. the realization of my inequities,
inability
to conjure desire
as i could and ooh, oh so loved to do
when i was what
other men currently enjoy.
it ***** because she to my eyes
is the broken mold
post perfection,
to this day, it *****
because
i want her,
because i do,
because
she's beautiful,
and I'm in love with her.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 419
"I Am In Your Words Tonight"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"I Am In Your Words Tonight"
“I would be lying
if I said my soul didn't resonate
with the words you write”,
what you do write is a gift,
“an attention to detail that seems
to cost the rest of the world so much.”

I am myself found somehow
in your words, your beautiful lines
and I fight when you fight,... I try.

You... You are a muse, an author
often able to feel and hide inside,
and most of all, you are a wish to never meet,
for the fear of betraying myself
or displaying my faults

you and I, and our emotions,
given to words, put into forms
that dance, and entice and lure the mind,
the body and inner hidden parts...
they are right.

I am in your words tonight,
as I am most nights
and I am naked,
I am willing,
I am hopeful
and I won't lie...

A part of this mind and heart are in love,
the other parts know the world outside.
Write, write, please, weave me a world
of shared uniqueness
eloquent reasons why I know
as little or as much
to share,
I'm in your words tonight.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 376
"I Think of the Days, Only Best Were Yours"
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"I Think of the Days, Only Best Were Yours"
I think of days
just the best are yours

and when in the emptiness
of the nights without
the heart wants

Cannot, forget
when I think of your face
an ache feeds my pain
amazing, Green eyes twice
and three shades
missing,

your smile, never fading
remains, constant,

two shades,.. maybe,
I think, of the lies
and truths, mine hurt
light hits me,
a realization, and shame
on me, on the the way,

things are wronged
the fights,

right or half wrong...

the way her name
and the hurt
and what remains

is like a scar on the soul

I cant deny how she creates
an aching need

there is no control
i try, i do, i lose

I tried it all

maybe inside
i don't want to forget you.

The days,
And just the best were yours.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 478
"What Cloth Am I Cut From" by: Jack Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"What Cloth Am I Cut From" by: Jack Fehlmann
I have this ability,

Inside,

Within my very being...

A Gift?..
Talent...
A Skill, Yes...

Worthy of Honing.

This, my craft
I've come to love.
But it is so much more,

Much more,.

You may call my way
However you believe it to be...

But I hold it's secret.

See it for what it is,..
and it is Amazing,

It is Ancient, and Limitless...

To me, the one that wields it,
this blessing?.. I see, incredible things.

I alone, my inner eye,..

Then of nothing, shall I create something,..

Seen til this moment,...
By me, and me alone.

Now, made real by my magic,..
Physical, Real,..

Mysterious spells, and enchantments cast
upon, into, over and through it.

imagination, emotion, heart and soul,..

Do you see?... Gaze upon my artwork...

Inside of you, and you, and me...

Strings, and I manipulate, maneuver, Agitate,..
I Soothe, I sympathize, I celebrate,...

Surrendering myself, entirely,
I make each piece,..

These spells are made of every color.

Potions stirred into impossible textures.
Subject matters,..

Please Judge.
Please Critique,
Please, please, pretend
to know my reasons,..

I see the awe

See the hidden wonder...
what state of mind must mine be indeed.

See the cloth that made me,
Makes everything!

I am destined,
I have heard my calling...
Bottom, to Top,..
Roots, up,...

In love with my calling.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 1.1k
"The Fragrance of A Whisper" by: Jack Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"The Fragrance of A Whisper" by: Jack Fehlmann
And I heard the words approaching,
So close, so fragrant beneath her pressed lips
I waited, I listened...

Encouraging the woman I thought I loved,
Please, baby pleading with all remaining hope...
It wasn't meant to hurt, it was foolish,..

Perfumed blissful ignorance in my waiting acceptance,
whisper the words love, no other may need hear them,
for they are for my hurt, my scarring heart...

In her beautiful green eyes,.. She wants to,
But there is only the longest pause...
then a tear, shed to roll easily away
and I am no longer the reason for the words

something did happen,
robbing the song they produce
in my heart, that in a breath, weakens...

Oh no, no, no, no don't give silence reign over our union.
Silence is nothing to my eardrums,
as it is...  Too loud,
and wretchedly painful to my heart.

So close, the words, the way to the way it was,
before,...
one last kiss will never come...

As she turns and lives forever part,
all that is left,
is the fragrance of a whisper
to remember, and words that never were never heard.

I'm sorry,... I do love you,
I will always, forever...

Words that never come.
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 500
"Empty Apologies" by: J Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"Empty Apologies" by: J Fehlmann
only a half truth,
. . . . . the practiced words
. . . . . . . . . . .  We say.

We. . . . . .
. . . . . . . the wicked,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and corrupt.

The DISEASED,
. . . . . . . . and ADDICTED.

With words
. . . . . . . .  we find
. . . . . . . . . . . . .  why's
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  that we weave.

half truths. . . .  
. . . . . . . .  with excuses.

. . . . . . . . . . . empty apologies. . . . . . . . . . . .

Deception
. . . . . . .  eases this guilt
. . . . . .  where
. . . . . . . . . ownership is needed.
It was me.
. . . . . .  I'm sorry.

. . . . . . . . . . . I AM sorry.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . This IS me!

. . . . . . . . . . . . empty apologies. . . . . . . . . . .
Short comings,  confessions, honesty
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 597
"A Beautiful Fighter" by: J Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"A Beautiful Fighter" by: J Fehlmann
You’re a beautiful fighter.
No other angel may compare,
In these eyes,
The one’s You gave me.
No heart have I known,
Bigger, kinder, genuine, gentler
No,… Nor any more unconditional
As is the way that you love.
As is the way of a beautiful fighter.
Mom, the day I found you,
Life having left you only moments prior,
I realized I’d never know another,
Champion already in my eyes,
A hundred times over…
Your strength, your will, your stamina, your devotion
Filled me, trained my body to react,
To fight back, so I tried…
I kissed your mouth and fed you air,..
Begging with encouraging yet pleading
words desperate, needed
Please mom, come back, not yet, I’m not ready…
Your tiny chest, in out of place wonder…
How could such a large heart reside there…
I pushed, I pressed I begged I kissed…
Fearing the worst but inside I knew better…
Because you Mom,
You Are A Beautiful Fighter.
This day you won,
Forever my champion,
I love you mom,
I have never been prouder than of you now,
Thank you for fighting Mom,
You never gave up, and I will never either.
Written the day that I found my mother and her heart had stopped...
Continue reading...
Oct 2013 · 576
"My Sea of Regret" by: J Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"My Sea of Regret" by: J Fehlmann
I wish not...
To harbor these vessels.
For I know
In those holds is sickness.
Crates of longing
Often opened, empty.
Barells upon barrels
Of jet black loneliness
Forever splashing, unsealed, seeping.
So like my dreams
These ships of her navy.
Christened with shades of she
"Lost Love", "my One", "my only", 
"nevermore", "ever after"...
They set no sail
Anchored securely off my shores.
Out of reach
Yet constant in presence.
Seeking no barter, no passage...
No plunder.
Ghostlike they haunt
All of what I most want.
And dreams like mine
Always calling
Taunting those black sails
In windless waters
Embracing no breeze
Only serving to open old wounds
My spyglass weeps
Fixed on yesterhorizons
Where gone and do go
Phantoms and shades
My sea of regrets. 
Jfehlmann
Continue reading...
Sep 2013 · 1.1k
Broken Mould, Post Perfection by: J.Fehlmann
Jack R Fehlmann Sep 2013
Broken Mould, Post Perfection by: J.Fehlmann
You, in this world...
Every time,..  Any time...
Eyes find time,.. For You.

How You were made...
The way You are,..
Intentionally flawed.

                                A Broken Mould, Post Perfection.

As lovely as You,..
Your imperfections,..
Here they are,... Beautiful.
They fit,... They compliment.

                               A Broken Mould, Post Perfection.

Even at distance,.. I fall...
Each time,.. Every time,...
For the way You can be...

Broken,..
                Perfect to Me.
Continue reading...

— The End —