Leading, curling, twisting as if cursive
my path seemingly writes it's way back
again, to the moat right outside
Your now closed stronghold.
I am at siege, with no army.
My heart, demands an audience
perhaps to provoke something>
poetic ending, closure?

In my years labelled: "Not-A-Child"
though, barely 20 full cycles of the earth and sky.
Then, full of abandon, and unlearned consequential
Eager to prove my amplitude and unbreakable daring.
Incapable of any end I did not myself proscribe.
So foolish.  So innocently ignorant and short-sided, aye.
hand over hand my life was gambled,
never looking down, not a thought how increasingly far it was.
Only my next hand hold, the hardest route I could own
Eyes only on the summit, mind firmly lost to ego
Pulling my weight from an over-hang, as if nothing special
I stood on that precipice, laughing and moved proceed ever higher
when a simple bit of gravel, a few small pebbles proved
how foolish and childish my ways until that slip had been
one foot, my legs, my stomach next
elbows next, then the hit to my chin
all while my childish, desperate hands failed
finding no proof of my skill, only abrasions were earned
looking up to the point of my end
I thought of my mother first, then family, friends
I relived insignificant child memory moments
hearing my words in my own head:
What have I done?  Because of Me, they will hurt.
Because of this decision, I will cause them to mourn.
And I felt it just before my legs did...
That moment when, my youthful spirit was dead
and adult lessons, real life, or death consequences
as my ankle first, exploded result of 40 feet of free fall,
closely followed my wrist, my knee, part of my front tooth
and finally the sickening crunch of my right eye socket
that brought with it, black, deep nothingness
Jarring, scrapping my inner balance all directions
though no thought of this made any sense, as I must be dead.
but I found no light, no tunnel.  
No angelic form to welcome my spirit.
Opening my eyes I saw the new world as never before.
One eye at least, that is.  
But that lesson stuck.  And I realized how sweet
and incredibly fragile this thing called life is.
I became aware of the importance and responsibility being loved and loving really is.

That was how I grew up.  That was the moment I was no longer just "a kid".

Endless, outside of Time's eye
Have like mine, the twisted inner wards
flickered to near nothing against
Like such as those, yours
Another's pressing, persistence
of inner dialog, thrumming a longing note.
Such a note that haunts the mind
so it owns all want, every delight
each and every night it calls
coming.
each and every time until my ache
and the need of one's heart to heal
are never given the time.
Time it seems, never see how hard I've tried.

At what phase of endless night and day,
day into night shifting might one find,
The sought after point?  
That fabled, miraculously frozen moment?
Free of how too often, low
So SO many of us are feeling?

I say "us", though I know too well
to each, this is "I", just "me", and "alone".

Do you know the point at which I inquire?
Have you been there?
Is it much farther to go from here?

I am weary of the constant seeking.
Faith in such a moment thins
to near less a whispered sweet
Nothing, to my hardened souls ear now.

Come too far now,
I once thought.
Now,..
Is this...

That point?

Laughing; What I might be.
I reserve my right to not be forthcoming
I wish to keep this... It is mine.  Alone.
Besides, to find the humor
One must have use of and you don't
My eyes.  My life choices.  My shortcomings
So, leave the wild eyed man be!
Take not, nor give him reason for not.
He's enjoying himself, though...
you may diagnose him...
a little off.  Certainly crazy.
But stay put!  If you wander off?
He will return to melancholy.