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Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
After Falling

Oh, after the fall,  A hard landing.

I am different now,

Much more unsure,
Far more unwilling.

Oh, after the fall,  A hard landing,

It changed me.

Much more guarded,
Far too untrusting .

Oh, after the fall,  A hard landing,

Nights aren’t the same,
The moon, it’s once soft light,

Oh, after the fall,

Seem to press down,
Where it hurts me worst.

Oh, after the fall,  A hard landing.
I have fallen,
Survived the landing,

But I’m different now

Much more insecure,
Far, far less willing.

Oh, after the fall
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
My words,
full of thought
Laced with emotion,
Quiet whispers
trailing off,
But not,
When right now,
Feels just
Like shouting out
Into the open
The Still
Darkness and uncaring
Pitch black end,
My heart asking
Are you even listening?
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
Her words had
calculated places
in which they were
strategically used
to inflict the worst injuries
possible.  

To take a man
and leave
a lesser shell
of who he’d thought he was.  
Forever
altering the person
that he will become,
compounding fully the inability
in him to trust or feel,
to heal.
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
Bring me unfamiliar
Any form will do
If I turn around
If I call out for you
make it abrasive
take from me
Sacred places then
do more than needed
Contaminiate
It takes, it takes,
why do I long for you
appreciate the familiar
contemplate surrender
surrender is so unfamiliar
Make me remember.
I will turn around
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
This time, I found myself
wondering...
Wandering the maze of the unwanted.
The meeting place
Of despair, and of worry
What-If's rule the gates
Insecurity a blaze
lights the way
light much like the setting sun
I fumble through the unfamiliar
Behind me,
Each step, Each twist,
Too many,
Another turn is too many
I am caught,
Wonderfully lost
To Her world
from affection
This time I go,
Alone.
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
It could be, eyes see differently.
That I might not appreciate the same view?
If it is a gaze, fixed, at a distance,
focused on the impossible,
maybe?,.
Or thought, fought inwardly about?,.
Out of reach, league, or,..
Better without?
What the heart stays chained to,
Tethered secretly,
and at great distance,
though to step out?,.
Of the safe places,
out of clear evaluation, a secret,
admiration,..
Dreamed about, infatuated and unspoken,
outside of dreams that are intoxicated, provoked,
streamed and called by the heart,..
Its habit of longing,
watching, imagining,..
the, oh, sensation,..
the simple locking of hands,..
oh, the, shared smiles and confessions with no verbalization.
true love, of two souls, who,...
somehow vibrated in tune,..
out of devine planning, or intervention, if not, at random.
But such, could, never happen for me,..
not lucky enough.
But, am, or will,..
just might.
only if,..
I, Step out?
shed loves shaded shadows, obscurity,..
offering clearly, in front of,..
be the center of that one's unknowing realized,..
be there, I,..
in their laymens yet, appreciative gaze.
becoming focused, dare to and dance,..
not to hint, none less then truthful, the words you use,
have but to let your heart, its knowing,..
express what it wants,..
and, then,...
finally,..
be free of this,..
the unknowing.
Clearly hidden from view, can,.. confront,..
Shall, demand,.. unknowings end.
Jack R Fehlmann Nov 2013
We all have them,
mine are packed,
stacked, buried away
in my closet,
the half torn shoe box,
rebox, running shoes once
now it holds my past,
my photographs,
seeing the familiar faces
but one calls and holds my eyes
it is of You, when we knew each other
not quite the beginning, mid way
still happy and your eyes were hiding
you used to smile, but was it ever for me?
I'm beginning to think,
You knew that that day was coming
Then you told me,
and I watched you go,
another life ago.
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