Jack R Fehlmann

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Brave Face
see me now,
Look at my brave face
I can be a charmer
Saying such nice things
Meant to disarm you
See me
I can be a liar
Saying the things
The real me cannot say
See my brave face
So patient and understanding
Hides the real me
I can be so unforgiving
Because I see now
I am not worthy
I am though
I am worthy of forgetting

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"Into You"

I can feel you watching
I hear your sins
I feel your eyes upon me
I can even sense your longing
Why don't you?
Come...
I can smell your scent,
Oh, and now...
I am wanting you
Oh, how you...
Seducing me,
trying to ****** you
You are just waiting
Why, don't you?
Come...
Why are you waiting
tell me,
Because I know nothing
You are special
The wetness,
Primal aching
Are you watching?
I want you,..
Watching
I want you,..
Hearing me
I want you...
Needing me
Bring me into you,
Why, don't you?
Come... bring me inside
When you want me
to be patient,
but aren't we impatient?
Practically begging
Why, don't you?
Like waiting
Who's waiting now?
Who's walking out?
Who's Unwilling now?
Who's drooling now?
Why don't you?
Walking out.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"Dreamt of Murky Water"

I have this dream...
   In which I am a wanderer

Dark streams,
   Of murky water
      Washing over...

No moon, nor stars
   Do force any boundary
      Eaten completely

Pitch Black, Empty
   The sky above

No means by which
   To measure this
      The endlessness of time

Here is only the cold
   Only the unforgiving
      Currents flowing

            Life’s murky waters

Endless, forever,
   pouring

Out of control
   Constantly pulling

            My head slips under

Tired of fighting
   I learn to let go

Sinking beneath ever more
   Towards darkness
      Inescapable abyss
         To unknowns below
      Into the resting place
   To life’s secret
The true meaning of it all

   Letting go, I give myself
      I am welcomed back home
From where we come
   we all will go,...
            Home.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"All I Miss Most"

I miss most of all
Is foolish thinking
Willingly accepting risk
Selfishly denying the all too possible
Believing in the happy ending
Deciding I don't deserve anything less
Offering my very weaknesses for protest
Make up ***,
*** that means something
Forgiveness in troubled folly
The good morning kiss
All the pushing and compromising
Little known confessions of insecurities
The way such beauty makes my ego pleased
But I don't have this...
I only know the last time I was so important
Most of all I miss feeling worthy
Even though I'm not.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"What I See"

Funny what I choose...
Only what I want to see
Only my faults
Only shortcomings
Only what is lost
Only things not coming
Only taking from me
Only unprepared
Only unwanted
Only the dearest of things
Only living Only the motions
Only despair
Only me knowing
Only I am forgotten
Only me.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"In This Silly Little Pool"

Silly little tides,
in a funny little pool,
I'm at my end,
Drowning to get to you.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

"Liar"

I smile
because I am eager
To not disappoint
Because I don't fit
I Lie
I am a Liar
I say what is pleasant
Promises of tomorrow
Take the fall
Not because I'm a bad person
I'm thoughtful
Using little lies
White necessity
Like Everyone
using them When the truth
Like me, can hurt
instead I spare them
I'm so nice
I Lie
I am a Liar
I use the very same reason
for nobody but myself
most of the time
So I can hide it away
So fluent am I
In this art of deflection
Protecting the lesser parts of me
so selfish, so frightened
so embarrassed by my faults,
Short-comings, things I don't like
So I lie
I am a Liar
See me, I am perfection
So easily liked,
I am lovely, thoughtful, caring
Tell me from the lies?
I have lost the ability
Who am I?
I Lie,
I am a Liar,
Selfish, uncaring
Insecure and hiding my reasons
Concerned not, for others
Unless it's their judgements,
So I Lie,
to be, to fit, to please, to pretend
Who am I?
I won't answer that honestly
I Lie
I am a Liar,
I blend in beside them