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349 · Nov 2020
proverbial knife
amanda Nov 2020
i know you still
read my words
because you like
the way it hurts

the proverbial knife
in your heart
that only i seem capable of
347 · Jan 2021
at the corner of
amanda Jan 2021
there are no street signs
on this road we walk
hand in hand

passersby can’t identify us
at the corner of
friendship and forever

but i don’t mind

because here we are
you are the most
meaningful and permanent
part of my life

even without a label,
even without a photo
to prove it,
even without sharing a bed
347 · Oct 2020
7.8B - 1
amanda Oct 2020
it’s oddly demoralizing
when 7.8 billion
minus 1
want you

and you only want
the minus one
343 · Mar 2021
you made a noise
amanda Mar 2021
you’ll start to wonder if
you ever made a noise
you’ll start to believe that
you never fell

because you were alone
in the woods that day
that you came crashing down

i think they were all
just too afraid to admit
that they were wandering
in the forest that day

i think it’s harder for them to admit
that they heard you fall

i think it's harder for them to admit
that they wanted to fall, too
338 · Nov 2020
amanda Nov 2020
there will be no
or diamond rings
to validate
the permanence
of the life we spent together

only the fact
that i never would have chosen
to do it without you
you are the only idea
of forever
that makes me excited
instead of scared

you’re my best friend,

you’re my next 55 years
338 · May 2020
amanda May 2020
at the end of the day—
it doesn’t matter
how meticulously folded
the envelope is

all i can see
are the big red letters
stamped across the top

i appreciate
the gentleness with which
you continue to
return my heart
every single day

but gentle doesn’t mean
336 · Sep 2020
amanda Sep 2020
she realized
that her heart always
pounded harder
on the climb up
the mountain
than on the stroll back down

and i guess that’s why
she learned to
romanticize the hard—

i guess she craved the sound
of her own heartbeat
really she craved
anything that reminded her
of how rare it is
to be alive
335 · Jan 2021
maybe best isn’t best
amanda Jan 2021
if i didn’t wear a
best before friend,
maybe you’d give me
the same nonchalant love
you give the others
331 · Jul 2020
amanda Jul 2020
adj—extremely delicate and light
in a way that seems too perfect
for this world
not a poem—
just the definition
of him
330 · Jul 2020
amanda Jul 2020
if you can smile
as you pull the knife
out of your back
and choke down the blood
you coughed up,

does that mean you’ve grown
strong enough

or inhuman enough?
320 · Jan 2021
standing o
amanda Jan 2021
kneeling down here
in your audience

finding irony
in giving you a standing o
while you’re the one screaming
on your feet
lili girl,
in my fantasies,
you’re making us
pancakes at the stove

one foot on the hardwood
one on the granite

me beneath you
trying to hide my tongue
in between your legs
304 · Dec 2020
amanda Dec 2020
they called me a hurricane
like i was a disaster

you saw my rain
and called me a force
you don’t make me feel
like a hot mess

you make me feel
like a force of nature
300 · Mar 2021
the audacity
amanda Mar 2021
she had the audacity
to create me
with her own existence

she had the audacity
to subject me to life
with the promise of her love

she had the audacity
to spend her life
putting conditions on her love

i had the audacity
to love in shades of pink
as well as blue

i had the audacity
to drink in shades of red
as well as white

i had the audacity
to live
as well as she created me to

i had the audacity
to destroy me
with my own existence

she had the audacity
to mourn a life she created
with the promise of her love

the audacity
i am not the
daughter you wanted

i guess we both
let each other down
298 · Dec 2020
unemployment line
amanda Dec 2020
you and i
tearfully holding hands
in the unemployment line

because this thing
between us

it isn’t working
296 · Sep 2020
little less / little more
amanda Sep 2020
i have this tendency
to wonder

if i was just
a little less me

would i have

just a little more you?
295 · Oct 2020
dead end
amanda Oct 2020
so i just sit here
parked at this dead end
of a friendship
because it's still
the most beautiful road
i've ever taken
292 · Aug 2020
amanda Aug 2020
i’m fairly confident
that if i sat on the moon
and looked down
at the earth

first i’d notice you
then i’d realize there are oceans
287 · Dec 2020
amanda Dec 2020
if sunsets
have taught me
one thing

it’s how to expect
the sunrise
as sad as it is,
i don’t cry over
goodbyes anymore

and that includes

we served our purposes
in each other’s lives
283 · Jan 2021
as pure as love gets
amanda Jan 2021
i thought loving you
in the third person
as the third person
was as pure as love got

but i was wrong

watching you love me
as i fell out of love with you

that is as pure as love gets
you are the
single greatest
friend, brother,
and uncle
i’ve ever known

good lord i just want
you to be happy

with her,
with someone else—
whatever your happy
looks like
283 · Oct 2020
amanda Oct 2020
i don’t know what i need
and i don’t know what i want

but i know it’s everything you are
and everything you’re not
283 · Jan 2021
amanda Jan 2021
i’ve tried your name on
like a sundress,
played your laugh
like a 45

so tell me when it
became considered lawless
to love
like a pastime
280 · Mar 2021
to sit on the sun
amanda Mar 2021
it’s worth the risk
of burning up—

the chance
to sit on the sun
and watch you
revolve around me
for a change
280 · Nov 2020
all the tuesdays
amanda Nov 2020
you make forever
seem less like a concept,
and more like
all the tuesdays
269 · Aug 2020
about love
amanda Aug 2020
she learned about love
by experiencing everything
that it wasn’t
at the hands of boys
who knew nothing
of magic
264 · Mar 2021
bottles of bubbles
amanda Mar 2021
champagne bottles
litter the rock bottom floor
of a woman
desperately wishing
for enough bubbles
to make her float
i’ve been drinking
for four days straight

hoping that if i drink classy,
it means i’m not broken

i’m broken
261 · Oct 2020
not enough
amanda Oct 2020
i eat too much fried food
not enough greens

i drink too much wine
not enough water

i drink too much tequila
not enough wine

i spend too much time
thinking about your laugh
not enough
prioritizing mine
244 · Jun 2020
amanda Jun 2020
every piece of me
that has fallen in love with you
is like an autumn leaf piling

so that one day
when you need a soft place to land

you can call my pieces
to ryan

i won’t apologize
for thinking that your magic
rivals that of autumn

i’ll always be in love with you
and i hope that’s okay
244 · Oct 2020
forever constant
amanda Oct 2020
the only thing
that makes me feel
truly peaceful
is change

except for you,
my forever constant
241 · Sep 2020
living hell
amanda Sep 2020
you showed me a heaven
i can never touch
and that no amount of death
will earn me

knowing it exists
knowing you exist
i now understand
what they mean by
‘living hell’
237 · Nov 2020
thirteen minutes
amanda Nov 2020
we said goodnight
thirteen minutes ago

so why is it still not morning?
the fact that i’ll spend
1/3 of my life
not talking to you
makes me resent sleep
233 · Jul 2020
amanda Jul 2020
you may never have asked
to be my poem

but i never asked
to be a poet
there is a lot of guilt
associated with
writing love poems
for a man who
doesn't want your love...
but you don't know
how to stop...
because your heart beats
in iambic pentameter
228 · Jun 2020
amanda Jun 2020
the thing is—
i could play
with the hands
of every clock
and the timing
would still
never be right
for us
some people are meant
to be best friends
instead of lovers
224 · Oct 2020
amanda Oct 2020
we keep doing this thing
because it makes us
feel alive

torture does that, ya know

makes you keenly aware
of exactly how much blood
is left in your veins
but not inaccurate,
is it, ry ry
224 · Jan 2021
perpetual night
amanda Jan 2021
there were days
you’d race the sun
to be my morning light

ever since you left
i’ve lived one
perpetual night
can we be those people
223 · Jun 2020
amanda Jun 2020
you pulled at my every string,
and it was as painful as it sounds
watching the whole that i once was
become a ball of raw materials
in another’s hands

but you looked at me
—strands of chaos in your palm—
and asked

what would you like to
sew yourself into next?

is a beautiful thing
when someone who loves you
holds the needle
to help you
recreate yourself afterward

you have to come undone
to become you

—dedicated to ryan—
218 · Jan 2021
amanda Jan 2021
you’ve taught me
by example
how to resent
my own love
you will never know
how badly i want to die
when i think about
how much you treat
my love like a burden

i feel foolish
for missing you
so much more than you
ever miss me
218 · Nov 2020
amanda Nov 2020
i didn't feel naked
when you asked me
to undress

i felt naked
when i realized
you asked her to,
i dont trust you anymore
216 · Dec 2020
to my fellow empath
amanda Dec 2020
he carries bruises
on the right side of his chest
from the knife handles
he gladly takes
in order to hug the stabbed
among him
i had a knife
in my heart
when you found me

i’ve got a scar
and you’ve got a bruise
to prove it
211 · Jul 2020
mona lisa
amanda Jul 2020
i have to make room
on my easel
for new hearts
and new aches

but you—
you will always be
my mona lisa
ry ry—
the poems i wrote
while in love with you
are my masterpieces

YOU made me a poet

now it’s time to use
my talents on new muses
209 · Nov 2020
hardest thing
amanda Nov 2020
i thought
walking away from you
was the hardest thing
i’d ever have to do,
but it’s not

not letting myself
walk back to you is
209 · Nov 2020
best part
amanda Nov 2020
i’m not willing
to lose the best part
of my life
simply because
he comes
with a wife
205 · Oct 2020
amanda Oct 2020
i dance barefoot
on glass shards
of feelings for you

and i do it
with a smile
no one deserves
to love you
the way i have to

but you deserve to be
this loved

so i guess
i'll keep dancing
205 · Feb 2021
you’d have
amanda Feb 2021
if you knew how to love

i like to think
you’d have loved me
203 · Aug 2020
capital h
amanda Aug 2020
the hell he put me through
came with a capital h

but the heaven
i’m finding with her...

well, there’s not an h big enough
i have the most insanely
brilliant, kind, beautiful woman

capital h how?
203 · Dec 2020
amanda Dec 2020
for a while,
the only proof i had
that the sun still existed
was the fact
that i could see you
you lived
in my cloudy skies
201 · Nov 2020
amanda Nov 2020
i don't want to
kiss your lips anymore

those lips
were capable of goodbye
you were the one thing
i knew

the one thing i trusted

we're talking again
as if things are normal

but we're broken
and we'll never be the same
195 · Jun 2020
amanda Jun 2020
i’ve always thought of timing
like her name
or the sea

just another thing
that’s keeping you
from me
i wrote this
back when you called
genoa home

god i hated
the italy chapter
190 · Dec 2020
amanda Dec 2020
i stopped asking
why you hurt me
and started asking
why i let you
190 · Jun 2020
eight letters
amanda Jun 2020

i am sorry.

i love you.

three words
eight letters

i have no problem
saying both to you

you have no choice
but to say one to me
because you can’t say
the other
amanda Oct 2020
you are priority number

and then those little dots

i think they’re called
i love you so much,
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