i know you still
read my words
because you like
the way it hurts

the proverbial knife
in your heart
that only i seem capable of
twisting

there are no street signs
on this road we walk
hand in hand

passersby can’t identify us
at the corner of
friendship and forever

but i don’t mind

because here we are

it’s oddly demoralizing
when 7.8 billion
minus 1
people
want you

and you only want
the minus one

you’ll start to wonder if
you ever made a noise
you’ll start to believe that
you never fell

because you were alone
in the woods that day
that you came crashing down

i think they were all
just too afraid to admit
that they were wandering
in the forest that day

i think it’s harder for them to admit
that they heard you fall

i think it's harder for them to admit
that they wanted to fall, too

there will be no
photos
labels
or diamond rings
to validate
the permanence
of the life we spent together

only the fact
that i never would have chosen
to do it without you

at the end of the day—
it doesn’t matter
how meticulously folded
the envelope is

all i can see
are the big red letters
stamped across the top

RETURN TO SENDER
...

she realized
that her heart always
pounded harder
on the climb up
the mountain
than on the stroll back down

and i guess that’s why
she learned to
romanticize the hard—

i guess she craved the sound
of her own heartbeat

if i didn’t wear a
best before friend,
maybe you’d give me
the same nonchalant love
you give the others

adj—extremely delicate and light
in a way that seems too perfect
for this world.

if you can smile
as you pull the knife
out of your back
and choke down the blood
you coughed up,

does that mean you’ve grown
strong enough

or inhuman enough?

kneeling down here
in your audience

finding irony
in giving you a standing o
while you’re the one screaming
on your feet

they called me a hurricane
like i was a disaster

you saw my rain
and called me a force

she had the audacity
to create me
with her own existence

she had the audacity
to subject me to life
with the promise of her love

she had the audacity
to spend her life
putting conditions on her love

i had the audacity
to love in shades of pink
as well as blue

i had the audacity
to drink in shades of red
as well as white

i had the audacity
to live
as well as she created me to

i had the audacity
to destroy me
with my own existence

she had the audacity
to mourn a life she created
with the promise of her love

the audacity

you and i
tearfully holding hands
in the unemployment line

because this thing
between us

it isn’t working

i have this tendency
to wonder

if i was just
a little less me

would i have

just a little more you?

so i just sit here
parked at this dead end
of a friendship
because it's still
the most beautiful road
i've ever taken

i’m fairly confident
that if i sat on the moon
and looked down
at the earth

first i’d notice you
then i’d realize there are oceans

if sunsets
have taught me
one thing

it’s how to expect
the sunrise

i thought loving you
in the third person
as the third person
was as pure as love got

but i was wrong

watching you love me
as i fell out of love with you

that is as pure as love gets

i don’t know what i need
and i don’t know what i want

but i know it’s everything you are
and everything you’re not

i’ve tried your name on
like a sundress,
played your laugh
like a 45

so tell me when it
became considered lawless
to love
like a pastime

it’s worth the risk
of burning up—

the chance
to sit on the sun
and watch you
revolve around me
for a change

you make forever
seem less like a concept,
and more like
all the tuesdays

she learned about love
by experiencing everything
that it wasn’t
at the hands of boys
who knew nothing
of magic

champagne bottles
litter the rock bottom floor
of a woman
desperately wishing
for enough bubbles
to make her float

i eat too much fried food
not enough greens

i drink too much wine
not enough water

i drink too much tequila
not enough wine

i spend too much time
thinking about your laugh
not enough
prioritizing mine

every piece of me
that has fallen in love with you
is like an autumn leaf piling

so that one day
when you need a soft place to land

you can call my pieces
home

the only thing
that makes me feel
truly peaceful
is change

except for you,
my forever constant

you showed me a heaven
i can never touch
and that no amount of death
will earn me

knowing it exists
knowing you exist —
i now understand
what they mean by
‘living hell’

we said goodnight
thirteen minutes ago

so why is it still not morning?

you may never have asked
to be my poem

but i never asked
to be a poet

the thing is—
i could play
with the hands
of every clock
and the timing
would still
never be right
for us

we keep doing this thing
because it makes us
feel alive

torture does that, ya know—

makes you keenly aware
of exactly how much blood
is left in your veins

there were days
you’d race the sun
to be my morning light

ever since you left
i’ve lived one
perpetual night

you pulled at my every string,
and it was as painful as it sounds
—unraveling—
watching the whole that i once was
become a ball of raw materials
in another’s hands

but you looked at me
—strands of chaos in your palm—
and asked

what would you like to
sew yourself into next?
...

you’ve taught me
by example
how to resent
my own love

i didn't feel naked
when you asked me
to undress

i felt naked
when i realized
you asked her to,
too

he carries bruises
on the right side of his chest
from the knife handles
he gladly takes
in order to hug the stabbed
among him

i have to make room
on my easel
for new hearts
and new aches

but you—
you will always be
my mona lisa

i thought
walking away from you
was the hardest thing
i’d ever have to do,
but it’s not

not letting myself
walk back to you is

i’m not willing
to lose the best part
of my life
simply because
he comes
with a wife

i dance barefoot
on glass shards
of feelings for you

and i do it
with a smile

if you knew how to love

i like to think
you’d have loved me

the hell he put me through
came with a capital h

but the heaven
i’m finding with her...

well—
well, there’s not an h big enough

for a while,
the only proof i had
that the sun still existed
was the fact
that i could see you

i don't want to
kiss your lips anymore

those lips
were capable of goodbye

i’ve always thought of timing
like her name
or the sea

just another thing
that’s keeping you
from me

i stopped asking
why you hurt me
and started asking
why i let you

—
i am sorry.

i love you.

three words
eight letters

i have no problem
saying both to you

you have no choice
but to say one to me
because you can’t say
the other

you are priority number
one,
two,
three,

and then those little dots

i think they’re called
ellipses