perpetually
a little into
my best friend

2 hours closer
to finding direction
in the east

just remember, my dear,
the sun has never
not come up

just. keep. spinning.

oct 12, 2018 - oct 31, 2020

the green in your shirt
brought out the green
in your blue eyes today

don’t think i didn’t notice

amanda,
all you do is give

so this one’s for you,
darling

my parents didn’t mean
to make me

and they’ve made it clear
i am not what they want

it doesn’t make sense to me
that some people
go to sleep without dinner
when the world
produces so much food

it seems like senseless suffering

kind of like
having to love you

i'm terrified
of physical pain
cause i'm a dainty lil thing

but some people
cut themselves
to deal with
their emotional pain,
and i think that makes them
stronger than they realize

unwell, yes.
but strong.

message me next time
you need to bleed out
on someone, please?

you’ve made me feel
so unimportant
recently

and i don’t much care for
this phase you’re in

you adore me

and that makes me feel
like magic

ending all my
sentences with
prepositions
and i don't have
the energy to care

same time tomorrow?

commitment is cool

sometimes i feel like
the weight of my soul
just drops back into
my body

and i become a poet again

i become amanda again,
too

dramatic
but not inaccurate,
is it, ry ry

we’re growing apart

it feels like losing beauty,
like losing a picture
of forever

i felt like you used me
as a distraction
when you two weren’t
doing well

and i was really angry at you
for a really long time

some days
i don't want to be me

some days i don't want
to be a person

some soul mates
don’t sleep together

i’m not done hating you

you wouldn’t let me
commit suicide
yet you don’t want me
to be happy
if that happiness doesn’t look
like your idea of happy

what kind of monster are you

A--
you are stunning
and kind
and ****** up like me

but i can't roll around
on our broken pieces
together

i'm tired of bleeding

the way you consume
words and images,
books and paintings,
the mountains and me...

you’re an artist

you are the
single greatest
friend, brother,
and uncle
i’ve ever known

good lord i just want
you to be happy

with her,
alone,
with someone else—
whatever your happy
looks like

you are the most
meaningful and permanent
part of my life

even without a label,
even without a photo
to prove it,
even without sharing a bed

i’ve never been
much of a scientist
and we both know
you’re not the artist

no one deserves
to love you
the way i have to

but you deserve to be
this loved

so i guess
i'll keep dancing

i can count on my fingers
the times in my life that
i’ve felt truly beautiful

moonlit skinny dipping
with you last night
was one of them

poets point out magic
everyone else
is too busy to notice

defining myself

can we get back to us

please?

please don’t ever think
i would do ANYTHING
to get in between you two

your happiness with her
nearly kills me,
but to watch you hurt
because of me?
that would do the trick

(i love you
to the moon and saturn)

you better find him
magical

he deserves to be adored