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6.0k · Nov 2020
amanda
amanda Nov 2020
amanda
amand
aman
ama
am
i
allowed to admit
these letters
are losing meaning
everyday?
some days
i don't want to be me

some days i don't want
to be a person
1.5k · Mar 2021
forgery
amanda Mar 2021
i’m not happy

but i practiced forging
its signature
until no one could tell
the difference
871 · Jan 2021
odd
amanda Jan 2021
odd
i put you first

you put me third

or is it fifth?

i don’t know,
i just know
it’s odd
766 · Jan 2021
eat me out
amanda Jan 2021
i want you
to wear my legs
like a necklace
284 · Aug 2020
the night
amanda Aug 2020
i looked down
twenty three stories

tears in my eyes
legs shaking

every intention
of falling head first

you see— i was just so tired
of having to land
on my feet
so many people
are so tired
of having to be so strong
260 · Nov 2020
terminal velocity
amanda Nov 2020
we hit terminal velocity

where we couldn’t


physically fall



any faster





and then we hit










the ground
i guess that was to be
expected
246 · May 2020
what doesn’t drown you...
amanda May 2020
if you stop thrashing
for long enough,
i swear you can hear the ocean say

i’m trying to make you a swimmer

so that you have a reason
to come back

...
i often think life
is trying to **** me,
when in fact it’s just
making me strong enough
to stick around for
a really ******* long time

what doesn’t drown you
makes you a swimmer
242 · Jul 2020
inhuman
amanda Jul 2020
if you can smile
as you pull the knife
out of your back
and choke down the blood
you coughed up,

does that mean you’ve grown
strong enough

or inhuman enough?
241 · Oct 26
you haunted halloween
amanda Oct 26
the knock on the door scared me

8pm
halloween night
i wasn’t expecting trick-or-treaters
at my apartment door

i texted you
“i don’t have candy—
what do i do??”

you encouraged me
begged me
to open the door

“it would be rude to ignore them, amanda”

it wasn’t a child
it wasn’t a skeleton or a ghost

it was you

and a bouquet of flowers

and a note

“i know this month has been hard for us
but i have a feeling
november will be the best to come”

november was the end
how has it been a year
since i lost the only man
i’ve ever truly loved
237 · Jun 2020
you are now in love
amanda Jun 2020
i got distracted
by your laugh

so, if there was a sign
at the border,
i missed it

all i know
is now i’m in a place
called love

and all the houses
look like you
amanda Jul 2020
i may have despised
for the longest time
that she was your sun

but you’re my moon

and i guess what
i’m trying to say is—

every one of my nights
would be darker
without her light
all over you
i wouldn’t have him
if he didn’t have her

she’s a hot and necessary evil
for my hot and brilliant
best friend
229 · Oct 2020
still
amanda Oct 2020
if the world
ever stops turning

i hope you’re the one
i’m still with
225 · Nov 2020
all the tuesdays
amanda Nov 2020
you make forever
seem less like a concept,
and more like
all the tuesdays
209 · Jul 2020
2 and 4am
amanda Jul 2020
2 and 4am
look the same

the unrelenting dark—
the fear that this night
won’t give light to day

2 and 4am
look the same

but 2 and 4am
are not the same
2 hours closer
to finding direction
in the east

just remember, my dear,
the sun has never
not come up

just. keep. spinning.
209 · Jun 2020
orbit
amanda Jun 2020
i cannot
and will not
apologize
for loving him

i mean

you would never expect
the moon
to apologize
for being attracted
to the earth
but i can promise
i’ll never collide
with him at night

i’ll just keep orbiting
205 · Oct 2020
matter
amanda Oct 2020
my dear,
if all you are
is matter,
i don't know how
you could ever believe
you're not important
for all my humans
who are struggling
196 · Dec 2020
onus
amanda Dec 2020
i stopped asking
why you hurt me
and started asking
why i let you
164 · Jan 2021
afterthought
amanda Jan 2021
i would rather
not be thought of
than to be after-thought of
ending all my
sentences with
prepositions
and i don't have
the energy to care
163 · Nov 2020
permanence
amanda Nov 2020
there will be no
photos
labels
or diamond rings
to validate
the permanence
of the life we spent together

only the fact
that i never would have chosen
to do it without you
158 · Dec 2020
hurricane
amanda Dec 2020
they called me a hurricane
like i was a disaster

you saw my rain
and called me a force
you don’t make me feel
like a hot mess

you make me feel
like a force of nature
158 · Jun 2020
significant other
amanda Jun 2020
i’ll always matter to you
but i’ll never be your person

i’ll always just be a
significant
other

...
just a gentle
play on words
154 · Dec 2020
time
amanda Dec 2020
i lay here beneath
the wall of clocks
you created for me

the sound
of their ticking in unison—

a deafening reminder
that you once
made time for me
but you don’t
anymore
153 · Dec 2020
goodbye
amanda Dec 2020
if sunsets
have taught me
one thing

it’s how to expect
the sunrise
as sad as it is,
i don’t cry over
goodbyes anymore

and that includes
you

we served our purposes
in each other’s lives
152 · Dec 2020
i didn’t want goodbye
amanda Dec 2020
if there was a word
other than
goodbye
that meant
choosing myself instead of you

i would have used it
i hate that this
is what i need
144 · Dec 2020
crucify
amanda Dec 2020
you gave me a crown
of thorns
and called me a queen

blood and mascara streaming
down the sides of my face

as i begged you
to put another nail
through my heart
i don’t romanticize
martyrdom
like i used to
137 · Jun 2020
pure
amanda Jun 2020
i have this tendency to believe
that i only become more broken
as i crash into more obstacles
in life and in love

but the river reminds me
that water only becomes more pure
with every rock that tries to stop it
you ever stop to think
that the things you’re
up against
are only making you
the purest form of you?
132 · Oct 2020
line in the sand
amanda Oct 2020
we never crossed
the line that we drew in the sand

i just stood on my side,
staring at you on yours

and dropped my towel
i love that
you’ve seen me naked
131 · Aug 2020
twisted up
amanda Aug 2020
our souls
keep trying to touch

but our bodies
seem to be in the way
*** means something
again
116 · Oct 2020
chest
amanda Oct 2020
our life will be a series
of you
breaking my heart,
and then begging to glue it
back together—

the closest you can get
to putting your hands
on my chest
110 · Nov 2020
almost
amanda Nov 2020
i guess the thing
that hurt the most
wasn’t you choosing her

it was the way
you almost didn’t
i felt like you used me
as a distraction
when you two weren’t
doing well
108 · Jun 2020
eight letters
amanda Jun 2020

i am sorry.

i love you.


three words
eight letters

i have no problem
saying both to you

you have no choice
but to say one to me
because you can’t say
the other
108 · Dec 2020
no one
amanda Dec 2020
you always said
no one deserves me

i just never imagined
you could ever be
no one
104 · May 2020
tongue twister (explicit)
amanda May 2020
if a girl ***** a guy
she doesn't even ******* like
just to **** with a guy
she ******* loves
who is *******
a different ******* girl

who is really
getting ******?
inspired by the popular
american tongue twister
about a woodchuck
100 · Dec 2020
up, up and away
amanda Dec 2020
like a feather
falling gracefully toward
your lips

every time we got close,
you blew me up, up and away

you had to know
it was only a matter of time
before a breeze would
come along to carry me
up, up and away
from you
99 · Dec 2020
wanderer
amanda Dec 2020
tell me how
she has a soul so large
it fits into nothing
but a suitcase
covid’s been hell
for all of us

but especially for those
of us who feel lost at home
and most at home when lost
98 · Jul 2020
ethereal
amanda Jul 2020
adj—extremely delicate and light
in a way that seems too perfect
for this world
.
not a poem—
just the definition
of him
95 · Jul 2020
u and i
amanda Jul 2020
there are twenty-four
letters in the alphabet
without u and i

but there are zero words
i want to spell
84 · Dec 2020
delete contact
amanda Dec 2020
you know my face
my laugh
and my story
by heart

but not my number

so do me a favor
and delete it
84 · Aug 2020
magic kind of lightning
amanda Aug 2020
you and i are electric

and maybe we’re that
magic kind of lightning
that never has to
touch the ground
82 · Aug 2020
pov
amanda Aug 2020
pov
i’m fairly confident
that if i sat on the moon
and looked down
at the earth

first i’d notice you
then i’d realize there are oceans
82 · Jun 2020
blows
amanda Jun 2020
i let you use the back of my throat
as your punching bag
when i know you need
something to hurt for you

but it’s not enough that i gag for you,
you want me to break for you

and though my mouth
may hand them out—
it’s not my heart’s job
to take blows
you don’t respect
my heart, my body,
or my time

so don’t call here anymore
81 · Dec 2020
past the thrashing
amanda Dec 2020
some say drowning
feels oddly peaceful
after all the thrashing

the moment you know
your lungs
wont taste oxygen again
and you give your body over
to the water

i think you and i
are past the thrashing
i can’t keep finding
the surface
every time we almost drown

i need to give in
to the water this time
78 · Jul 2020
the sea
amanda Jul 2020
i’ve always been attracted
to men who admire the sea;
i’ve found that such a man
is more likely to admire me
i’m chaotic, deep, unpredictable,
and always under
the influence of the moon
77 · Sep 2020
living hell
amanda Sep 2020
you showed me a heaven
i can never touch
and that no amount of death
will earn me

knowing it exists
knowing you exist
i now understand
what they mean by
living hell
73 · Jul 2020
depression
amanda Jul 2020
there’s a select group of humans
who’ve learned
that it’s easier to bleed
than it is to feel
for the record—
i’m actually thriving
right now

but i remember how bad
it used to be
70 · Sep 2020
always you
amanda Sep 2020
the way i love you
makes me doubt
that i ever loved them
69 · May 2020
r.t.s.
amanda May 2020
at the end of the day—
it doesn’t matter
how meticulously folded
the envelope is

all i can see
are the big red letters
stamped across the top

RETURN TO SENDER
...
i appreciate
the gentleness with which
you continue to
return my unrequited love
every single day

but gentle doesn’t mean
painless
68 · Dec 2020
not real
amanda Dec 2020
you wonder why
you have to create metaphors
in order to understand
his love

oh honey...
that’s because it’s not real
67 · Jun 2020
pride
amanda Jun 2020
the sad truth is that
many of the same people
who preach that love conquers all
actively try to conquer a love
they don’t understand
you should always be proud
of who you love

and if someone doesn’t
love you
because of who you love...
make up the difference
and love yourself
that much more

happy pride month
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