it’s a hard pill to swallow

but he puts it on my tongue
and tells me to swallow

i gulp down a man
who isn’t you

and just like the other drugs—
he didn’t help me forget you

~

the knock on the door scared me

8pm
halloween night
i wasn’t expecting trick-or-treaters
at my apartment door

i texted you
“i don’t have candy—
what do i do??”

you encouraged me
begged me
to open the door

“it would be rude to ignore them, amanda”

it wasn’t a child
it wasn’t a skeleton or a ghost

it was you

and a bouquet of flowers

and a note

“i know this month has been hard for us
but i have a feeling
november will be the best to come”

november was the end

i’m not happy

but i practiced forging
its signature
until no one could tell
the difference

i would rather
not be thought of
than to be after-thought of

i want you
to wear my legs
like a necklace

i put you first

you put me third

or is it fifth?

i don’t know,
i just know
it’s odd

they called me a hurricane
like i was a disaster

you saw my rain
and called me a force