NvrMnd

NvrMnd Nov 2016

Thought it would be easier,
Keeping everything less
Less thinking
Less talking
Less engaging
Less moving
It makes me less weary,
Less lonely
But also
Less happy
Less warm
And less alive

At first, a matter less seems fine
but as I go on it makes me more...

More dead....

NvrMnd Oct 2016

queen of hearts

-
I’d scream for death
With this pain inside

So take this broken heart,
Oh my remaining card

I’d rather lose all the love
And trade it for a cold rock

Beg for your enchanted hand
That’s fond of collecting hearts

Seize the grief is my only demand,
Oh Queen of Hearts of Wonderland.

NvrMnd Oct 2016

Waves at Sundown

~
As the day starts full of love and hope
Sun shines so bright not to feel woe
Vibrant flowers tickle her sight
Saying everything will be alright

Sweet cold wind touches her lips
To make her smile and save from grief
‘Cause he knows how precious her kind
Even how much she demeans her divine

Priceless laughter that he hears seldom
Inviting everyone to sing the psalm
Just when the sun turned to blue
Her dazzling soul also gone its hue

Afraid he was when the sun goes down
Witnessing her painted happiness waning out
And all was left are waves of her feelings, surging,
Still stirring yet welcomed to forever reside in him.

I wrote this to describe each days I am hopeful to have a beautiful day ahead. There are times that were really, really great but at the end of the day as I would close my eyes to rest, pictures of that beautiful day flashes and slowly vanishes into nothingness and it makes me feel blue. I thought of my life as pointless so I search for more meaningful days. I hope and most of us hope to find more, we’re all struggling to seek… jump to one place to another then abandon the place we thought we’re not belong to… we hurt people also we hurt ourselves. Then I realized maybe I am making things complicated finding what’s can’t be found. Because every day, every person we meet, every moment is something to be grateful for, nothing more to seek. And God who we abandoned million times are always there waiting for us to come back and reside with him. I know I am not yet fully fit to be with someone so kind and good, even not sure if I deserve the greatest love but I am here trying my best to be.

NvrMnd Sep 2016

Distraction

Move that body
Use that mind
Get yourself busy
With whatsoever
May it be wise
Or foolish
It doesn’t really matter
That’s just how we survive
We only need
A little distraction
In this lonely life.

NvrMnd Sep 2016

Lonely Saves the Lonely

-
*How could I see the fire in your soul?
And let hidden from their eyes
How could I hear your emotion?
Like whispering wind
And kept silent from their ears
I wonder how I feel you,
Why your ghost feels so alive to me?
Your melody twirls livelier than a young girl
Skin glows brighter than a new-born
Breathe warmer than a summer sun
So young but so old to caress me expertly
Like you’re dwelling inside eternally,
Moving from time to time
From one body to another,
Like an endless poetry
That saves every lonely person
Stuck under the blank night
With no moon and no stars
Merely looking to an end...

a light,
a hope,
or death

Aug 2016

Błeeding Dįamøndš

If i told you (please read)

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

Help people. Dont leave them alone. Provide help. Depression is very real, and it is all around us. Repost if this means something to YOU

#depression #awareness #support

Jul 2016

J.R.R. Tolkien

All That is Gold

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.