unbothered, I cause ripples through the tide.
you, dressed in black; me, left mesmerized
our skin, different shades of the same colour
bruised and battered, though invisible to the naked eye
her skin, tight as leopard tongues for prey
leaving me without ability to forget
how you and i
lived a lifetime in a night, a second, a split
between the two, one thousand lies, one million truths
steps ahead, turned into miles behind, where we laid our fruits
and the field in which we grew
with olive garments and pleated seams
unbelievable, unbearable, incomparable love
only known from me to you, and you to me
running through my mind
the lover of my life
the capturer of my heart, held captive over time
the way my soul has grown to yearn for her
has thrown my thoughts of stubbornness,
selfishness, and sadness
clean out of mind
through love and fight
sight and touch we rushed
into one another
night, morning, until dusk
and through all fortune and misfortune
i never stopped the blush
to ask you
if i was ever enough
because there you were
new, and fresh
yet sad from beyond control
wings broken down, soul to the floor
body beautiful as ever
my mistakes stretching you to your core
no matter how far and long i loved
you'd not love me anymore.
and here i sit
miles away, days apart, frown to face
wanting to build a home, a place for (us)
somewhere safe
whoever knew that'd never be
because how safe could you ever be
if you're afraid of
loving me
and here you are
listening to me cry out every night
to you my dear, i scream and tell you how our love can be
though, there is no way that you can love me now the way we need
so i sit, all of the day
while you earn your keep
stressing myself daily, whether or not you've lied to me
whether or not, you keep on telling me that it won't work
and only say it differently, and nicer
to keep me close, for what you want me for
and that is not your lover
that is not your soulmate at all
what you want is simply, friendship
something i can't grab ahold
'for when i look into your eyes
whether here, or on the screen
i see the future we both knew and wanted
once upon a time, in between
and it is almost over.
i feel i am almost in control
i cry myself to sleep
thinking i have grown strong enough to leave you alone
and every time i type the words, that will send us our separate ways
i just can't believe that you don't want me to be yours, even when you have nothing to bring
because love is not a choice
what we want is not either, at all
if i could choose a sentence
it'd be the one that'd bring you along
though much has been said by you
and by my own tongue
all i care for now,
is to be the only one
and all of this love i show
what does it mean to you?
you are still able to post, like, follow, laugh, and love
as if you are not missing a part of you
so maybe all along
it was over before it grew
and when you said those words to me
to believe you,
made me the fool.
i think i need to go back to the hospital. this is the worst i've ever felt.
maybe i just need drugs.