Counterfeit contortions,
And your twisted edge,
Smooth and cold,
Black, dead confessions,
Promise like they mean it,
Full of choking,
And hands pulling,
Breaking,
Over-board and sick,
On overdoses of white,
And narcotic senses,
Tasting of dust and screams,
Lost and angered,
Thrown in all directions,
Like you could hide,
Your distortions

Into the starless night,
The dim moon fades,
Clouds consume the sky,
Flooding the horizon,
With the impatience of day

Undeserving of my halo,
I flee,
Abandoning the stars,
Casting it off,
As I leave you,
A mess,
Such a mess,
Goodbye

It's funny how easily,
The lies slip,
From my lips,
'Are you okay, Nicola?',
Of course,
I tell them all,
(Except for him, of course),
Lies, lies, lies,
It's obvious I'm dying,
But it's for their own good,
Love trumps morals,
If they knew...
It would all be over,
Just not in the way,
I want it to be

Such a sweet suffocation,
Welcomed with open arms,
Too trusting,
But not wrong in their faith

You have grown within me,
To take your place and fill my hollowness.
To fill my blood and lungs
With excruciating love.
You have broken my bones and carved my skin
With the bitterness of need;
Coloured my flesh with blooming, helpless desire
To be coveted
To be smothered by your longing;
I give all myself to you.

I walk through the maze,
That is my life,
Sometimes I run,
But at every turn,
Disappointment,
Betrayal,
Death,
They all catch me out,
Forcing me down,
To where I "belong",

I don't belong down there,

Every so often,
He takes their place,
In the corner,
Between the paths of my maze,
A little light amidst the dark,
Keep going, you must keep going,
I will,

A promise I know I'll keep

This has all become
A string of missed calls,
Torn envelopes, cast aside
Gossip, mouth to mouth
Stage whispers that never
Meet their ends. This has
All collapsed.

Your grasp,
Like that of Death's own,
So unforgiving and harsh,
Around my fragile wrists,
You pierce my veins,
With your hateful tone,
Spilling my blood,
It drips, drips, drips,
Around us onto the floor,
Where you leave me,
Laughing in echos,
You're not sorry,
You go against sorrow with every move,
With every broken bone,
With every torn heart and shed tear,
You use me as your excuse,
To create this torturous pain,
That you abandon me with

In the bitter cold night,
I lie awake and alone,
Stumbling through the words,
What to say,
Losing my balance as I come to terms,
With this harsh reality,
With these events,
So blunt and painful,

You throw me into a spiraling emptiness,
A cruel and hollow cycle,
It's purpose only to destroy any hope,
Within it's withering grasp,

Through my open window,
The icy breeze bites at my fragile skin,
A reminder of the slapping sensation,
The heartless infliction of pain,
Of your abandonment of the dim shadow,
Of my mere memory,
As you threw my trust back,
In my tear-stained, fallen face,
And walked into the black, beckoning sky

I'm slowly dying,
In a mangled heap,
Some bloodshot dilution,
Of my former self,
Dependant on words,
Brittle and uncertain,
That hold all,
I cannot ask of you,
So I resign to this;
I'm slowly dying,
I hope it matters

Spring birds cry,
Where she sleeps,
A silent scream escapes,
His dripping lips,
Slowly, her tears form,
At the sound,
Too fast the night is gone,
Taking him with the burnt-out stars,
To a lonely place

I can't breathe,
I don't want to,
The thought of living,
Makes me feel sick,
I can't control,
The flow of tears,
I'm just screaming,
For air,
Or better yet,
Someone to hold,
While I collapse,
Into a mess of tears and blood,
On the cold, hard floor,
Tearing at the walls,
And ripping my heart to shreds

You're like a beautiful disease,
Poisoning my thoughts,
With longing,
Making my heart beat,
Pleasantly fast,
Morphing clarity,
Into obscurity,
Preventing the inevitable,
That I dream of,
With your impractical logic

I wouldn't mind dying,
If you held my hand,
And whispered goodbyes,
In such sweet, hushed tones,
Softly in my ear,
The way you say goodnight,
But then how could I leave you?

It feels like dreaming,
When he sheds the lies,
And bleeds the colours,
Of truth,
A dream imprinted,
Permanently etched,
In my subconcious,
That settles on the surface,
Above any and every other moment,
The perfection,
Of honest imperfection,
So sincere and delicate,
Is all I ever needed

Now that I'm gone,
Will you still sing about always,
Writing my name in the spaces,

Now that you've left,
Will you still draw my letters in tattoos,
Still feel the words on the tip of your tongue,

Now you've stopped loving,
Will you still breathe my perfume,
Still find my shampoo lingering on your sheets,

Now that I've lost you,
Will you still remember,
You loved me

I am desperate for that tender, hungry touch
and the heavy gasp of his saturated lungs,
as he burns me with the fire of his stare
and the hot sting of his palms
cools like tingling fever on my skin.

From the distance,
He finds me,
With those animal eyes,
Blue and orange and white,
Twisted and sharp,
Concluding with his pupils,
Deep and dark and wide,
Dragging me down,
Like the undertow,
I'm paralyzed,
By those animal eyes

Your kisses drip like honey
down into my chest cavity.
My heart was missing
so you planted a seed;
showered it with your pure oxygen
to wrap vines around my lungs,
to match your arms around my chest
that hold me when the nights
are cold, but no longer lonely.

Burn the roses,
The laughter, the smiles,
Up in flames,
With all my hope,
Our hope,
Light up the memories,
All of the 'we's, the 'us's,
Burn BURN BURN,
Up in smoke,
Everything,
Every part of us,
Every kind of sweetness,
All the clocks,
And cogs and smoldering, dying things,
That used to be love,
Licked up with your fire tongue,
Burn

Please, hold my hand,
Distract my weary, hazel eyes,
From the tick tock of the clock,
Excelerate my fleeting heart rate,
With your crooked smile,
Fill my head with lyrics,
To the melody of this moment,
And my stomach with butterflies,
Trapped and longing,
Fluttering their fragile wings,
Whenever you honour me,
With the utterance of a single fragment,
Of a syllable,
Like a lullaby, trangqulizing my busy mind,
With sweet, spoken thoughts

Sometimes I wonder,
Who I would be,
Without the hollowness,
If I were not,
Haunted by despair,
Would you be here,
Would I be so willing,
To give it all up,
For nothing,
Would I fall,
Shatter and remain,
Broken and desperate,
As I've done for years,
Endless years that blur,
Into milleniums,
Could I feel,
So torn,
As I do whenever I inhale,
The stale air,
Breathing without purpose,
Slowly dying,
Perishing in the dark and cold,
That is the world around me,
Would I be anything,
Without my disposition

I choke on tears,
Between the smiles you bring,
While he pushes me closer,
Closer to the edge,
Closer to Death,
You beg me not to give in,
I don't know if I want to anymore,
Distract me some more, please?

Tell me where I'm going,
I feel like I could fit into this song,
Like we're all adjacent and descending,
And falling without cognition

He was so many things,
Cut-throat and proud,
Transparent yet covered in shadows,
Like a diamond,
12 faces reflecting inwards,
Bouncing from wall to wall,
Catching light,
In the most breathtaking manor,

He was young and soulful,
With leather skin,
Dripping in sunlight,
Receeding slowly,
Into maturity,

He was old wine,
Suited to his age,
Sweeter with time,
But he faded,

He was so many things,
But mostly he was mine

Tears slip down,
Below the rims,
Of my red eyes,
Tears like shards of glass,
The fragments scrape,
Revealing crimson through ivory,
Acid tears,
Burning my cheeks,
The same as ever before,
As I drift into unconciousness

It's like candle wax on a birthday cake;
a big, hard stone in your throat.
Like the amounting frustration
crushed up in a child's fists
when mummy says 'no'.
It's knowing there's an enemy
in a friend; a monster
under your bed.

I wonder how,
I could have trusted in God,
For so long,
Spent so many hours,
No, wasted them,
Praying so fervently,
Idolising thin air,
Believing faith,
Would provide comfort,
But instead, it left me,
Hopeless and broken,
Because miracles are mythical,
Tireless prayer and devotion,
Won't turn back time,
Or heal wounds and ease troubled minds,
So why do I still wear,
This crusifix?

Is this,
An honest intention,
Or is doubting justified,
In the moment,
When the world,
Gives way,
From beneath me,
To reveal,
Reality intertwined,
With the mist,
OF fatal reason,
The poison of the mind

With porcelain hands,
She holds the stars of heaven,
With which she draws lines so heavy,
So blackened and bold,
Even the strongest fall at sight,
Her tears are heavy rain,
That drown every soul in range,
Flooding hearts and minds,
With the dark oceans of her thoughs,
Washing out the sunshine and smiles,
Bringing only sorrow and despair,
All beauty is overwhelmed by her tragedy,
With her, there is nothing but the hollow sunrise,
Barely shining beyond the infinite horizon

You are not your own,
Surrender

I have salvaged you from this blood; this waste.
I have salvaged you, you alone. There is nothing
more to me, there is nothing else to lose,
nothing else to give.
I have salvaged you, and when once more
I stand alone in the wreckage,
it is you I will salvage again.

You walked me through the gardens,
Past the ***-heads,
Fuming from their ears,
I see roses,
Remember the roses,
Beside you,
Keeping my hands,
Locked within themselves,
The stone monument cold,
Unforgivably firm,
"Show me"
I refuse,
But with time,
Present my scars,
Stifling tears,
Anchored by your arms,
Watching white roses,
*"I'm sorry"