I should be gone,
By now,
When it all falls,
Appart,
My signature exit,
But I'm still lingering,
At the edges,
Because maybe this time,
I need someone,
To hold on,
Just a little longer

It's all barren and wasted,
Your skull has lost it's fabrication,
Flaking like old paint,
And leaking cancer,
From between the severed skin,
Where you pulled out your stitches,
And I sewed them again,
So maybe you'd stop breathing through water,
But you didn't see me anyway

You are not your own,
Surrender

Air swirled by the force of the opening door,
Tousling my chestnut curls,
As I breathe in the stale air,

I am faced with dust coated boxes,
Filled to their brims,
With old memories hidden long ago,

Chills run down my spine,
Coursing through my blood,
I do not want to go back,
I do not want to remember,

But I know it's the only way,
To get over the distant, fading past

It's 1am,
And sleep just can't stop,
The flow of thought,
28 degrees,
And I'm still cold enough,
To need winter sheets,
6 more weeks,
And I won't feel it,
Not at all,
Because I won't think,
2 more months,
And I won't have the words,
To explain this despair,
Or, like in this fevered moment,
There shall be too many,
That bleed from my mind,
Into new verses,
That make words seem useful,
Though they hold no purpose,
Because words, letters,
They do not suffice,
I need slamming doors,
Blood-stained fingers,
Old clocks that tick tock,
Shredded manuscripts tinted with age,
Broken glass,
Just something other than this

In my eyes,
You are so broken,
The incomplete melody,
Of Heaven's choir of angles,
So sad and soft,
A disaster,
So irresistable and tragically beautiful

A fallen star unto you,
Inner conflictions tear me apart,
Fire and Ice,
Heart-ache ripping at my sides,
The pull of obligation,
Drowns me, dragging me down,
Into a pit of despair,
Knowing the weight of your will,
Can release me,
From his arms as he whispers:
"Only Death can tear us apart",
Then tear us apart,
Of you I ask, an escape,
Before the inevitable

Wringing my hands,
As I walk down the hall,
Supressing the nausea,
My nails dig deep,
Through my soft wrists,
As I reach his door,
I hold my breath,
My heart pounds dangerously,
When I see him,
Surrounded by crisp white pillows,
And blue sheets,
He looks dead,
My mind screams,
I long to rip down the walls,
He murmurs,
Indeciferable words,
His voice rusty and unused,
I'm so scared,
Almost too scared to embrace him,
I think he might break,
The adults mummble,
Attempting to conceal,
The devestating topic of conversation,
Plans, decisions,
So many to be made,
I stifle the urge to cry,
We are all so empty,
And he is dying

Would you blame me
for cutting myself open
if you knew? I didn't ask
for the corpses to bear relation
or for the words to fall close
to home. I didn't turn the waves on,
or pull his clothes off, or stick
the ******* under his nose.
So excuse me for a moment,
it's a quarter inch past the radial artery
and I've got stitches to pull.
Don't bother with the lights,
I'm used to working in the dark.

To an uncle,
My oldest, most loving,
Who held my tender heart,
Dear in his hands,
With skin like the leather binding,
Of his old, worn books,

His words of wisdom,
Shine through his humour,
Like the broken colour of a painting,

I will remember,
His st-stutter, his stammering,
His clover and fresh grass scent,
And the fire in his old brown eyes,
When he is gone,
I know he will be gone soon,

Dearest Uncle Peter...
Peter like the rabbit,
Like rabbits he hunted,
Peter and his cabbages,

My Old Peter grew the best ones,
With Sam by his side,
Sam who drank his beer,
"Good dog, Sam", Peter said,
He barely gets a word out now,
His voice rusty, unused,
Like the garden tools will be,
When Peter is gone

I should like,
To abandon gravity,
And float,
Amongst the stars,
Where rushed embraces,
Fleeting, fumbling fingers,
And urgent kisses,
Do not leave me,
So dis-satisfied,
And hungry,
For prolongued collisions,
And tenderly whispered quotations,
Of love and death,
Sung so sweetly,
From your lips,
As to cause blood to rush,
Under your cool fingers,
As our hearts pound,
In syncronisation,
Counting the inconstant time,
With skipped beats,
And delayed breaths,
So easily over-looked,
And in spite of the warning,
They possess,
Forgiven and forgotten

Downcast your eyes,
To watch the broken path,
The footsteps finally stolen,
From beneath you,
Another blood-smear,
On the once white pavement

Your velvet kisses melt in my mouth
and the taste of your skin
enthralls my senses.
I'm heady on your fumes,
making my orbit around
the steadiness of your breaths.

I can't hold you tight enough;
grappling your body
as we intertwine.
I want to crush myself against you
so close that our atoms coalesce.

Just be still,
And we shall observe,
The tragedy,
Oh, the tragedy,
Of this beautifully cruel world

Lying awake,
Night after night,
This one particularly painful,
Much worse, too restless,
Forcing me to resort,
To child-like comforts,
To ease the pain,
Of fresh, bleeding wounds,
And substitute the lack,
Of welcomed restraint, of warmth,
That comes from the person,
Who can't offer it,
At this most eminent moment,
While I suffer,
Bleeding, breaking,
In silence

I am the numbness
Of the rotting earth;
The molten sky of an
All-consuming hell.

For a newer blue,
Of a different shade,
Warmer blue,
Like the summer-day's sky,
Gentler blue,
Like the backdrop of the moon,
Calmer blue,
Like the lapping waves of the ocean,
Caressing the lonely shore,
A charming, humourous blue,
A blue I haven't seen,
Brighter than any other, regardless

I do not love you at all.

You're nothing more than a nuisance, a wound
that does not scab for days, stinging
and scarring - the excess ink smudging
my palm, grey scuff on white plaster.

You are no thorn in my side, merely
the splinter snapped at the skin after
several failed attempts of removal.

Loose thread, forgotten lyric, dripping tap,
incessant beeping, flickering fluorescent light
on a dim, graffitied train, spray painted
in "*******"'s, typo on the final draft.

I don't love you, never loved you at all.

I don't want to talk,
Not now,
For words cannot define me,
They are useless,
Incapable of capturing this emotion,
Like a desperate child,
Unable to hold the startled butterfly,
In his too eager hands,
So don't speak, Love,
For a tender, prolonged embrace,
Gives far more comfort

A fresh start,
A blank canvas,
A new year,
Already tainted with pain,
Already heart-ache and sadness,
Have painted the empty pages,
Of the year I hoped would be different,
But you and your selfishness,
Have stolen away from me,
My opportunity for a clean break,
Poisening it with tears,
Gone is my chance,
To turn a new page,
In my unsatisfied book of memoirs

Unholy light, dim with secrets
two angels
grappling in the endless black.

Time passes me by,
A little too fast,
A little too slow,
All my efforts,
Half-hearted,
Because I don't know,
Who I am,
Anymore

Living,
With a broken, beating heart,
That is not living,
It is a state worse than Death,
Merciful Death,
Living while the knife still lies,
Piercing your worn-out heart,
As you beg for Death,
Is punishment,
A punishment for the undeserving,
To walk the streets,
Unable to breathe:
*Torture for the Living Dead

"Mommy, where's my teddy bear?"

Upstairs
             walk slowly
                                  skip 1, 2
                                                   fly

Under the covers, tight-
-wrapped and safe. They start
to cling to my breath and lungs.
My baby hands curl
over Teddy's eyes.

*Go to sleep, little bear.

Out the window,
Sunshine, far away,
The humble branch of the blossom tree,
Peeks in to witness my lonely slumber,

I wake at the sound,
Of the fragile harmonies,
That of the Nightingale,

She sings a home-sick melody,
As the moon falls,
Leaving her in his wake

How can I be,
Anything more,
Than this,
With the weight,
Of so many burdens,
Hindering my sight,
And weighing me down

I just want,
To see everything,
Fall apart,
In the center,
Of this surreality

Such a soft sound,
Is rain,
Disguising tears,
That fall just as heavily,
And to lie,
Carefree under the downpour,
Droplet after droplet,
Soaking your clothes,
Washing away thoughts,
As if the gentle rain,
Could purge the lonely world,
Of darkness

It's heavy now;
swirling black air that clogs your lungs.
It's almost narcotic,
the way its smoke vines
creep in through your nostrils
to suffocate your mind.

You can feel its heat
erasing your own fingerprints;
seeping through your tangled veins;
reaching into your heart
to burn a black hole in your very core.

As you inhale,
it ignites your vision.
You open your eyes
and the world is red;
you open your mouth
and release Hell's fire.

Slipping,
I am slipping,
Beyond the safety,
Of the surface,
Sinking,
Into the weightlessness,
Of transparent blue-green,
That consumes me,
And I drown,
With you,
In my subconcious

What is it to deserve another?
Is it a mere vow,
the price of a coveted soul?
Nothing can be so simple,
so dangerously complex,
so contrary,
as love.

Birds with wings,
They all have wings,
Some soar above the clouds,
Through the gloden rays,
Of the burning sun,
But not all are so blessed,
Others are shot down,
By a satisfying bang,
From the barrel of a loaded gun,
Pointed and aimed at feather planes,
Some are born,
Incapable of flight,
Earth-bound and dreaming,
Of days filled with sky,
Yet the saddest,
Of flightless birds,
Are those who flew,
And woke with broken wings

You fill my heart with balloons,
and my lungs with sunshine.

Do you think,
The thoughts I hate,
Deadly and blunt,
Within our hearts,
Burning bridges,
Made to last,
As we die,
And tear apart

Being away from you,
Is all I really fear,
When you're gone,
The darkness, the emptiness,
Emerges once again,
Stronger than before,
As I stand in your wake,
With nothing,
But the torment of feeling,
Knowing how easily,
You could forget me

Hostile and aggressive,
You stamp your foot,
The floor trembling beneath us,
You raise your hand,
Oh God, don't hurt me,
My stomach in knots,
I see that look on your face,
Ready to inflict pain,
On my fragile body,
But your hand slams down,
On the dresser, shaking violently,
I'm not relieved,
I can see the violence,
In your black eyes,
*Please don't hurt me

I'm letting his lips,
Unfamiliar, collide with mine,
Just so I can feel something,
Just so I'll be out of breath,
Because I'm wishing it was you,

I'm not holding his hand,
In my mind,
It's your arm,
That's slung loosely around my waist,

I'm not looking for someone else,
Just for what I'm missing,
You see me,
Wasting my time,
With guy after guy,
But all I'm seeing is you