It was murky and dark,
Deep grey-blue,
I could see you on the surface,
I screamed,
The water flooded in,
Taking oxygen's place,
You couldn't see me,
I was fading too fast

Waking up,
To inbox 1,
Such a joyous sight,
But after seeing,
The anger behind your words,
The smile fades,
Replaced by a solemn frown,
I wonder if it's because of me,
That your so enraged,
If my endless dillemas,
Are the cause of your sudden rage,
A thought comes to mind:
Maybe I should just fade,
Into the background,
I'd rather not,
But I won't test your patience,
To generous have you already been

Standing on the edge,
Bathed in the gold of day,
The ashes beneath me,
Blacken my sole,
His ashes beneath me,
I crumble

The rain falls,
So hard,
Thundering above us,
Don't fall

I can't help the negitivity,
Or suppress the darkness,
In the back of my mind,
I want things to change,
So badly,
But I feel so unsure,
So afraid,
Of the inevitable,
So let's just float,
For another day,
Freeze-frame the friendship,
Before we change,
So this will never end,
And we'll just keep on talking,
And falling,
In silence

March on,
Tremble,
Like silence,
Like dusk,
Fingers to the blade,
Temples under bullets,
Blood and dirt and bones,

Feet forward,
Unsteady,
Like water,
And being,
Hearts in hands,
Surrendering to gravity,
Cold and dim and torn

*Je prie pour la morte à vous.

In this moment,
It's as though time,
Has ceased,
I am frozen,
But the world keeps moving

I wish I had longer,
Another week,
A day even,
To say goodbye,
Before this loathed disease,
Takes from him,
His final breath

I am lost for words,
What is good?
So I shall write,
An envisionment,
Of goodness:

A smile,
Painted on blue lips,
Cold hands revived,
Holding my own,

Answers,
Fill the throbbing void,
That remained hollow,
For so long,

Sky,
Soft and blue,
Dusted amidst stars,
In which we fade,

Then will we be,
Genuine

Death,
Broken hearts,
Black as night,
Red as blood,
The unmistakeable coldness,
Grief

The night,
So black and long,
When sleep decends,
I do not indulge,
In the luxury of dreams,
I merely collapse,
Into unconciousness,
Waking with heavy lids,
No sense of time,
And dreamlessness

Amazingly beautiful?*
My heart ceases to beat,
A sigh, I sigh

A piercingly sweet scream,
Escapes bleeding lips,
Blood and salt water,
Sickly and intertwined
I am choking,
On reality

It hits me hard,
Pulling the oxygen,
Straight from my fractured lungs,
I'm so uncertain,
Of myself,
Of the world,
Because when I finally,
Get what I've been waiting for,
The fun's over,
And I realise,
Maybe this isn't what I wanted,
I'm taken aback,
By this sudden change,
It feels like I've lost,
My sense of direction,
Like gravity decided,
To fall to zero,
Without warning,
Throwing my mind,
Into a state of unfamiliar confusion,
Where all I can do,
Is wonder about what could have been,
If things never changed,
And we were still,
Caught up in trivial conversation,
In the midst of laughter,
A place where solemnity,
Can't hold us down

Don't tell me you're bad,
When I need you,
You're keeping me alive,
In a world that kills me,
You're the only cure,
For the poison,
And now I'm not ready,
To say my goodbyes,
Don't make me

A voice that sounds of rain,
Dead harmony,
Once light and sweet,
Drunk with old sorrow

I just want to know,
Am I alone in this?
Are you only messing with my head,
Just like he did,
Only wanting one night,
Casual and feigned intimacy,
Too short for my liking,
And then shall you just disappear,
Showing up every so often,
To toy with my mind,
A sly puppetier manipulating my thoughts,
So carelessly,
Do I even care,
If it will hurt,
Whether or not you feel as I do,
Well, of course,
Or I wouldn't have asked,

Maybe it won't feel so bad