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Jul 2021 · 102
those sleepless nights
Amad Tariq Jul 2021
I worked from sun up
Blew past midday
Day to day the routine stays the same
Nights spent alone
Wasting away
Working to a goal that seems far away
But I will not stop
Will not give way
Those sleepless nights
Make my dreams attainable
One day
Jun 2021 · 123
further thoughts
Amad Tariq Jun 2021
as I sit here my mind is in a haze
I scribble my notes on paper
but the words
they fade away
I toss it in the trash but wont remember writing it either way
I feel like I'm losing my sense of reality but
I'm still conscious of myself
the time spent in this space
moments I indulged seem further back than yesterday
thinking again, I hardly remember now
even the thoughts I wished to write on this page seem more distant
am I trapped in a loop?
will time move?
can I even move?
the door is presented before me
an escape from a dark place
am I do open it?
prepared for what lies ahead?
grab my hand and lets see if there is a way
Jun 2021 · 236
slow drive
Amad Tariq Jun 2021
its 2 am
far from high noon
unlit roads from which I see the full moon
time slows as the music plays
the inky darkness of night fades away
cracks of royal blue streak across the sky
from the cliffs I sit and say goodbye
welcome the new day with the dawns light in your eyes
Oct 2020 · 162
My Path
Amad Tariq Oct 2020
The journey is far from over
Its merely begun
Far in the horizon
Further than the rising sun
Happiness was temporary since the pain had only just begun
But I will keep walking
Until my job is done
Dec 2019 · 223
What Kind of Fool
Amad Tariq Dec 2019
What kind of fool falls in love with you
Knowing you don't love me as I love you
The type that lives in his dreams which surprisingly all about you

What kind of fool sees only you in his eyes
But once open all he can see is the goodbye
Its the fool who went into the fray loving you as you moved away

What kind of fool loved so hard that you now he sees you in the dark
Reaching his hand towards your face then the mist fades away
To this day still only loves you knowing you wont think of him anyway
I'm the fool that fell to hard.
Dec 2019 · 140
What's Inside
Amad Tariq Dec 2019
Whats inside I'll never let out
The sting of remembrance remains
Opened up once so now never again

Whats inside is no longer for view
So that the new people can't play with it too

Whats inside is nothing short of the soul
The sounds of my beating hearts remains

What remains is torn
Broken and worn
Black and blue so now I'll tell you too

I'll never open up again
Dec 2019 · 140
As The Decade Ends
Amad Tariq Dec 2019
Leaning back in my chair
The chilly breeze in the air
Window open and the elements rush in
Showing me the change within
I lean forward looking at time
Continues forward, never rewinds
I sit back down and drift into space
Where only me and my memories remain
Nov 2019 · 193
Can’t see you anymore
Amad Tariq Nov 2019
I can’t see you anymore
Not blind, no eyes closed
I can’t see you anymore
Retreated to shadows under the sunset glow
I won’t see you anymore
Taken from my grasp
I won’t feel you anymore
Your warm embrace that didn’t last
Sep 2019 · 140
Amorous Affair
Amad Tariq Sep 2019
you lay upon me
our legs intertwined
as my hands slowly run down your spine
the sharp electric sting I lay deep within the mind
your hands holding mine with our tongues in a bind
neither will know rest but the pleasure of our eyes
an amorous affair to last
till daylight breaks the night
Savor what you can in life but you will come to realize that the taste may linger and temptations roll.
Sep 2019 · 141
Hammer and Forge
Amad Tariq Sep 2019
Reaching into the abyss
Finding the hammer I forged
Smithed from the remnants of a broken soul
Now recommissioned to rebuild the remains
Forge again my broken heart
I wish to feel that love again
Hammer away to recreate that heart again
Sep 2019 · 1.1k
Autumn’s Embrace
Amad Tariq Sep 2019
Wind picks up
The leaves begin to fall
Skies turn to grey
With the cold enveloping all
Autumn’s gentle embrace
Welcome the cold kiss of fall
My favorite season is officially in full swing, enjoy the fall everyone!
Sep 2019 · 177
Lay Still
Amad Tariq Sep 2019
Lay still
Look above
To the nights starry sky

Lay still
Stare below
Towards your lake of lies

Lay still
Imagine me
Resting by your side

Lay still
Now open your eyes
Turn to find me
Can’t say your goodbye
Before you leave me I’ll say my own goodbye
Sep 2019 · 119
Leave
Amad Tariq Sep 2019
Sting me until you’re happy
Till the smile on your face forms
Rip out the heart you’ll burn
Just leave my mind alone
Broken love hurts deeper than any wound and worse when the memories hurt more than any words said.
Aug 2019 · 207
Until I Breathe This Life
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
Your eyes,impish and mischievous
Your laughter's nonchalant insolence
Your hair unflured their waves undone
Never will I forget
Until I breathe this life

Your hand that abandoned mine
Your shadow that turned away it's gaze
Your look that never looked back

Never shall I forgive
Until I breathe this life

Your unabashed dancing in the rain
Your silly sulkings at all things small
Your innocent childlike mischief
Always shall I LOVE
Until I breathe this life

Your false vows and promises
Your burning scorching dreams

Your cruel ruthless prayers

Always I will hate
Until I breathe this life

Written by: Gulzar, Allahrakka Rahman, A R RAHMAN
I take no credit for this poem, authors are written in. Its a pure expression of love.
Aug 2019 · 139
You
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
You
I thought I forgot
Buried away
Thoughts of you within my brain
But I saw you again
In front of me
Beauty like a cherry tree
Then it dawned
Your figure gone
Whisked away
Now life returns
Faded black and grey
She was all I wanted, but was a treasure unattainable.
Aug 2019 · 224
Finding The Path
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
Come, follow me
Let me spin you a tale
Based on reality and gritty detail
Daily breakdowns a normal thing
Just as much as constant mood swings
Work seems harder everyday you try
Refuse to realize why
Why I fail to understand
That this path is only quicksand
No light in sight as I sink ever deeper
Say bye bye to the dreams of being a healer
Come, follow me
Into the fray
Where even the sunshine looks grey
The land where humans are brought to be fixed
Broken by the laws that we helped to exist
Come, follow me
Let’s find our path
No longer give without getting back
Aug 2019 · 204
Smoke
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
Future seems unclear

Clouded and dark

Wondering from a pedestal

Vision gets blurry

From the smoke in the heart
Find your future before it disappears
Aug 2019 · 128
Call of the Sea
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
I yearn for the sea
Freedom so bold
Spray of the water yet so cold
I yearn for the sea
Where the sky seems so bold
The rush of the tides
The wind in my hair
Nothing but the strength of my back to keep me afloat
I yearn for the sea
Not for clipped wings
But where I can soar
No horizon in sight
No direction I know
The land I left behind me growing more distant
I yearn for the sea
The nights alone
Stars above me whose population is tenfold
I yearn for the sea
A beast to tame
Who no one has claimed mastery
Whose tides bring life with the potential to destroy
I yearn for the sea
Set me free
Take a trip, rent a boat, float away from the shores. Lay on your back and watch the sky, there is no greater peace of mind nor freedom you can attain that the sea provides.
Aug 2019 · 126
The Oak
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
I was once an oak
Big and sturdy
Not a person could reach the roots
I planted them deep
As far as they could reach
While the lands before me lay wasted and ravaged
I stood there soaking up the fire
Time passes and here I am
Still basking in the flames
I regret not changing
Don’t wish to be an oak again
I prided myself in remaining the same all through the years, while people around me changed and rearranged. In the end I was the fool for not changing, it cost me a lot of relationships which is why I won’t be that oak again.
Aug 2019 · 111
Passed
Amad Tariq Aug 2019
Once again the time flows by
Not a moment I can remember
Wasted and war torn
Another summer left scorned
It’s funny, even when you make all these plans with friends to hang out and have fun you suddenly get slammed into a wall which reads “life”. So the days go by, not a face seen and the only remembrance is the suns gleam.
May 2019 · 265
Monotone
Amad Tariq May 2019
The world keeps on spinning
Yet life doesn’t seem anymore fulfilling
Try as we do
Work and play
Keep the demons of our minds away
Try and make everyday full of joy
But every night before we rest
Employ the curse of fear and logic  
Can never escape the thought
In the deepest reaches of our minds
Our lives are all for naught
May 2019 · 175
The River
Amad Tariq May 2019
Everyday remains the same
Endlessly crashing in a river of joy and pain
Like two sides of the same coin
The two faces we wear in our day to day
Keeping our schedules aligned
Never to veer off of the river of life and pain
We keep to a sense of learned helplessness, scared of what the future holds if we try and change. But are we really living life if all we do is remain the same?
May 2019 · 143
Toxic
Amad Tariq May 2019
This woman I love is as toxic as they come
But I spent too much time overdosing to see better
That in reality I deserved so much more than one letter
Showed her nothing but love
Yet she gives none back only takes my love for her own joy
Telling me she’s loves me when with another boy
When I show my true feelings for what she does
Says she wants me for herself and that no one should have me
Yet she gives her body to others fulfilling her desire
Returning to me only when she requires validity
All she does is blame me for something I can never become
I will never be her pride and joy
Because her love is so toxic that it throws me to the void
Mar 2019 · 141
Loving Again
Amad Tariq Mar 2019
My world will never be the same
You left me just as quickly as you came
I thought you’d be the one to stay
The one to show me it was worth it to love again
But you showed me nothing but pain
Showered me in it again
Now I watch from afar as my heart is torn asunder
As you go back to him again
I regret ever letting myself love again
So far whenever I’ve loved I have never received it back. I’m just there for a laugh and nothing more.
Mar 2019 · 134
Failure
Amad Tariq Mar 2019
I try hard there is no doubt that I space over the work layed out
Although I can see with shinning clarity
That what I’ve been through was not in vanity
All you can say without refrain is that I’ll always be a failure again
There is no doubt in my mind that I’m doing the best I can but when that’s not enough to satisfy am I really doing what I want ?
Feb 2019 · 147
Tormented Love
Amad Tariq Feb 2019
I look at you and can't help but stare
Your presence as radiant as the sun
Your words as sweet as honey enveloping me like a rose
I buzz around you like a bee but you don't see as I
You believe me to be but a fleeting fancy as you return to him again
Played my heart like a toy and threw me away in the end
Why did my love mean so little?
Did my passion not burn?
I thought you had torn me apart once already
But in truth you had only begun...
She won't ever be mine, I know but I still try. Maybe I'm a fool but I don't what to see darkness again...
Feb 2019 · 141
As the seconds roll by
Amad Tariq Feb 2019
Time is a very peculiar thing
A concept whose very remembrance stings
It surrounds and envelops us
While it slowly suffocates us
Fight as we will we can never win
For time does not erase our sins
Fear it as it comes for you
Leading you to the inevitable end
Time is but a fleeting fancy whose kiss erases us
I feel like I’m running out of time every day, makes me work faster but doesn’t create quality work, rushed and exhausted it kills me slowly.
Jan 2019 · 134
Letter to her
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
If I were to describe you I’d say you were an angel
You’re presence was a warm embrace
Showered me in light through the murky cave
Your hand extended to reach mine
To hold me tight and lift me out
You brought out what I had repressed and taught me to love again
But one day everything turned dark
The walls crumbled and I fell again
Back into the cavern of my despair
You left me like they all did
Outgrew me once you knew the true me
Tore my life asunder
Shattered my heart again
You left me for the fool you chose before me
Only to be letdown sorely as he threw you out again
Now I know what it means to choose poorly
Now I know I can never love again
I fooled myself into believeing she was the one for me, it took me a while to sort my feelings but you left me again. All you did was force me to change for nothing.
Jan 2019 · 128
Old Views
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
I’ve been taught not to fight back
To sit and listen
Nod and concur
Even to the facts and rules with which I don’t agree
To throw away the dreams of what I wanted to be
I’ve suffered in silence
Constantly shamed
For going against their way
Their view is old
Older than me from a life in another place
I cry myself to sleep
Laying there for eternity
I want an escape  but know not how
For I’ve been taught helplessness
Shackled and unable to run
For the past days I’ve felt like a complete failure, I can see it in their eyes the dissatisfaction. They compare me to those I do not know, those who have no bearing on my life and who they want me to become and blind themselves to my sadness.
Jan 2019 · 218
My View
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
I once dreamed of being a healer
Now it's me who needs repair
My past haunts me daily
The cause of my despair
This life is not for me
Here I am lamenting sorely
For the war-torn world before me
Jan 2019 · 158
I Cant Thank Her Enough
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
All the words in the dictionary wouldn’t be enough
To describe her work I’d be left stuck
Thinking back to all she has done
Loved me unconditionally when no one else would
Made me her world cause she knew no one else could
Stuck by me always even when I ignored her
I can’t thank her enough for all that she’s done
But I can love her forever before she’s gone
I say to you now, love your mother before she departs. We all have a very short time on this earth. Life is full of uncertainties but among all the haze there is but one truth, your mom loves you more than anything.
Jan 2019 · 138
Insecurities
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
I hide behind a wall
A wall of masculinity
Taught to be a stone that never cries
I hide the pain
Chase it away
I let the thoughts roost inside my head
Tormenting me as I lay in bed
This stone wall a curse
I'll never forget
All the things I never said
The more I hide the worse it gets
But I'll never show them that side again
Jan 2019 · 125
Stolen Dreams
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
I was once told I could follow my dreams
But suddenly everything was chosen for me
Now I’m trapped in a hole with no light to see
My freedom was stolen from me
There are times when I wish I was someone else or something else. Free to choose without judgement, but I know it’s only a dream and I live with learned helplessness.
Jan 2019 · 236
Broken
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
All my life I’ve been compared to those I’ll never be
But when I need the most support they all abandoned me
Now I’m broken beyond repair
Sitting there with a blank icy stare
My family looking back not knowing, that they were the fall of me…
When I said family at the end I define “family” as those I consider close to me, friends, parents relatives alike.
Jan 2019 · 129
Forged of Stone
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
There are times in which I wonder
If it was ever worth it to love
I forged a heart of stone only to have you melt it down
Now I sit there on the ledge once again let down
You opened me up and left a hole
From that hole I’ll smith again a heart so cold
I promise you I’ll never love again
I may not be as experienced, I may not be that far in life but for all the times I loved all my walls get built to be torn down again leaving me exposed and left in the cold.
Jan 2019 · 154
A Short Farewell
Amad Tariq Jan 2019
Sitting there upon the freezing cold
Gazing at a dying star
A broken body witnessing a broken soul
I lay there thinking of words unsaid
Of time not spent
The winters cold a freezing lament
I close my eyes and whisper to thee
Goodbye old friends

— The End —