a civil war is
a body fighting against its own members
but what is it called
when one person attacks itself
the answer is simple
yet overlooked
depression

i had to grow up knowing i'd always be asked where my father was or something to that degree and ive always dreaded the question "where is your father" because i have to say i dont know when i do because hes a ******* lowlife with nothing but beer to his name and yet i cant help but fantasize this perfect father son playing catch friendship but i know thats not possible because he doesnt give enough of a **** and when he rarely pulls his head out of his *** and tries to be a dad it renews my faith only for it to be crushed again when i'm looking at his red face after the 4,000th reassurance thats he's trying to stop but he's never going to try to be a dad and he never does anything but those fantasies of love always make me love him and its just ******* terrible

i always feel invalidated and robbed
of the comfort of knowing that
i'd choose that ultimatum if it was ever a choice
but without that i have nothing
to fall on except knowing
that i have to endure and that is the
only ultimatum

do not let a mind confuse you
minds make you think youre ok
hm this is nice
and youre blindsided by a god who loves only when he wants to
but what should you know
your mind says everythings ok