I
AM
FINE
WITH
BEING
LOST
AS
LONG
AS
I’M
LOST
WITH
YOU

Tell me your late night plans
Because regardless of what you think
You’ve never been alone
There is still light inside of you
You should not be ashamed of who you are
Please
Don’t hide from me
You don’t deserve to die
You don’t need to die
Look at me
And tell me
Why
Why is it you feel this is your only option
I know you don’t want to be alive
But please,
Live for me
I love you too much to let you go quietly
You are not a ghost
Look at us
Because you are still glowing
Friend, please
You deserve better than this
Even if you don’t feel like it
You do
You mean so much more than you think
You are worth more than you think
Please,
Tell me your plans for tonight
I want to show you the light
And I won’t let you go until we both do
I know my words might not help,
But I will listen to every last thing you have to say
Scream, yell, cry
Get it all out
Because I don’t want you to be the next obituary
The next vigil
The next news story
Please,
Don’t take your life away from me…

My friend told me

When he was little

He wanted nothing more

Than to be a cigarette

When he grew up.

When I asked him why,

He told me

It was because his mother

Loved nothing more

Than cigarettes,

That she was always

Too busy for him

But never too busy

For her next drag.

When she was upset

She would turn to her cigarettes,

Tipping the ashes into

Her porcelain ashtray.

She never played with him

She only smoked.

And when her cancer

Took her away

And he went to live with his dad

I asked him again:

What do you want to be

When you grow up?

This time,

His answer was the bottles.

The bottles his dad

Always seemed to have

In his calloused hands.

His dad held a steady job

For a few years

Until he showed up to work

Hungover.

He lost his job that day

And became violent.

My friend showed up to school

The next day

Covered in bruises,

His eye swollen shut.

He wanted his father’s love

His attention

Even after then

When he was always drunk

And beating the **** out of him.

Even after all these years

With his father

Sharing the same fate as his mother,

He still wants to be

Those cigarettes

And that nasty *** ***.

Everything his parents

Ever loved.

k i _ _ me
i’ll let you fill in the blanks
whichever you think
i really deserve

what makes you think
as a cisgender human
you have any right
to dictate how others live
how they were born?
their skin colour isn't a choice
neither is their gender
so why ****** them for being different?

i died
long, long ago
i don't think they know it yet
what will happen
when they finally open their eyes
look
and see me,
with hollowed eyes
half the person
i used to be?

The clock reads 11:11
And I am wishing for you
The clock reads 11:15
I’m still wishing for you
It’s 3 am
And I still wish for you.
I wish for your touch
Your arms
Wrapped around me
Your hand, folded into mine
Your lips, gently brushing my skin
I wish for you
And all that you are
And all that you bring.

I guess I lied.
I do have poetry written.
But all of it’s a little too personal
To even share
With you.
Maybe in a few years
After you find someone better,
Much better than me
And have totally moved on,
Then I could share it with the world.
But for now,
I’m hiding it.
I don’t wanna get kink-shamed or kink-samed
I just want you to know
That it’s there
Either I’ll share it when I’m comfortable
Or you’ll ask for it
In a certain way
Making it impossible
For me to say
No.

I love you
but I would
need more than  
those three words
to let you
know just how
much I do.

i’m not typically
the jealous type
but i see you
talking to the one
you used to like
and my heart
skips beats.

and as you brushed your lips
along the crook of my neck
i giggled
said "oh!"
and when you bit down
and began *******
getting ready to give me
that sensitive little love bite
i groaned
the next morning
i looked in the mirror
hair tousled
i shook my head
and said
"those ****** little hickeys"
grabbed my concealer
and sighed as i thought
of the night before

YOUR
LOVE
WAS
ONE
OF
A
VINTAGE
FORM

twenty-six letters
are not near enough
to tell you my pain
rescue me
from myself
please
I only want you to
I l o v e y o u

after a while cutting feels good

and when you stop

it’s okay

but then you look down at your scars

and you long for the feeling

of fresh, red lines

to help you breathe

because when your tears won’t fall

you want your body to sing instead

i want to hold you in my arms again
soft, lazy kisses
draped across our cheeks
sleepy giggles dancing on our lips
holding our pinkies, as always,
i just want you
and sleep.

your eyes
are so many different
colours
but they’re
my
f a v o u r i t e

You are soft sweaters
And warm hugs
You are late nights spent talking
About useless nonsense
You are a light scattering of freckles
On the tops of your shoulders
You are an overflowing mug of hot cocoa
Spilling over the sides
You are extra-buttery popcorn
And a movie marathon
You are physics and chemistry
Always pondering the existence of the universe
You are poetry
Words better painted than said
But most importantly
You are you

i’m
here
but
i
don’t
belong
amongst
the
stars
only
the
grass
you
walk
on

loud eaters. ticking clocks. repetitive sounds. pen clicks. the sound of  thirteen keyboards. a missed note. a beat just shy of the tempo. flashing lights. shiny gold badges that belong to red and blue flashing lights. fists flying. pre-test jitters. waiting on my grade. starting a new school. new job. new friends. crowds. being near people i don't know. driving when other people are out. overpass. watching his panic attacks. yelling. screaming. plates soaring across the room. guns pointed at skulls. self-doubt. do you still love me? empty promises. broken promises. being alone. eating. not eating. performing. publishing my words for all to see. being near my old houses. red pickup trucks. him loving someone else. going to his mom's house. ma'am. she. samantha. girl. fat. asthma attacks. being outside. being inside. stroganoff. shrimp stir fry. bugs.

It’s around 4 am
And it’s not fair
That I’m crying
And hating myself
With a stupid blade in my hands
While you think thoughts
And dream of her.