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jas Jun 2020
I know that most of my prompts have been a bit more on the depressed side than usual. That's because I feel myself going down the rabbit hole far too quickly to keep up with my emotions. I can only put them in so many words. Writing is one way to release these pent up emotions that scar me on the inside. But even writing no longer seems to help. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. No, I am not on the verge of killing myself so I guess you can't really call me suicidal. But, I can say I have thought about dying every day for at least a few months. Thank you, to those who spoke up. I am merely from a standpoint frozen in my mind... frozen in bad thoughts.

it never ends.
jas May 2020
my hearts pounding in my chest
if I knew any better, I'd say I'm depressed
endless thoughts stranded in my mind
the only way to release them is to cry
forcing myself to want to exist
if I was gone, would I be missed?
jas May 2020
it's not that i want to let go
it's that there is nothing left to hold on to
you've proven me wrong each and every time
and yet i have hope
or maybe it's just love
jas May 2020
what if i died today?
who would care?
what if i showed my true colors?
empty and bare
I'm dying on the inside so i guess I'm halfway there
sick and tired of hearing that life isn't fair
it's on my mind all the time
in a war between emotions
im tired of fighting
im tired of crying
so what if?
life would be easier if it didn't exist
i can't keep pretending
but if i don't fantasize how will i get by?
never considered myself a liar
but I lie to people every day
because i am not happy
it's been years and only getting worse
i have myself to blame
bc if not me then who else?
you wouldn't care
you don't
if i died you wouldn't even pick up the phone
would you?
jas May 2020
im broken
im bruised
im cut up
im used
jas May 2020
crying myself to sleep
seems like I got a routine
seems like the worlds against me
fighting for a will to love
is it ever enough?
what else can i do?
what else do i have to prove?
jas May 2020
I don't want to let go
but what's left to hold on?
reaching for your arm
for a touch that's so warm
it feels like love
i don't want to let go
but maybe you do
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