Isn’t it funny?

to beg for love

in a world so barren.

so desperate to feel

amidst the crowd of the numb.

longing to spark a flame
inside 
the walls of these
stone cold hearts.

why do you seek life in something

you’ve so viciously murdered?

why do you lock the doors to a home

when you wish to be taken far away?

Isn’t it funny?

to live by deceit

when all you crave is honesty

to wish for death

when you’ve tried so hard to live.

and to plead for someone to stay

when all they want to do is leave.

Isn’t it funny?

to receive only pain

when all you’ve given is love.

and to give love

when all you have is pain.

I want to know
how to love
my self whole,
so no one else
can love me
half meant.

I want to know
how to walk around
not feeling incomplete;
to not have to seek validation
in anyone else’s hands
but my own.

I want to hold my head up high,
and my heart on my sleeves.
I no longer want to fear
having someone take it away
only to never see it’s worth;
because I do.

I want to know
how to live my life,
without the hurt.

I want to heal,
and love my self,
enough to bring out
the courage
to take life head on.

If I were to send you all the letters I wrote,

the ones where my heart bled out the words

and where my tears painted the borders.

—where I laid out all my pain to rest,

you would know the depths my heart has tunneled,

just so I could make more space for you.

you would know the dreams I tucked away

for the day we reached our promise of forever.

you will find, there, the thousand different ways

I wish I could have said I loved you.
and a thousand
 more ways I wished
I could have made you stay.

call them prayers, the way I begged the heavens

if there was a way to save a sinking ship.

or heal all the wounds yet to be inflicted;
or take away the memories yet to be made;


If I had sent them, would you have understood?

that there was no way for me to love you 

any less than I did. That is the way that I am.
And there was no way for me to love you

and not lose myself. I’d have given you my soul.

and your glass would never have been empty

because I would have given you my all.