[13w]

[11w]

I thought girls
were meant to be cute.
Able to giggle
and flutter their eyelids
and toss their hair around,
to catch boys in the tangled net.
There's a hole in mine
and my eyes won't seem to flutter.
Moths lay stagnant over them,
not a butterfly in sight.
I try to look seductively out of them,
give a coy smile,
but it doesn't work
and my laugh isn't right.
Not the light hearted bird song that lifts a guy's heart
to a girl's mercy,
but an awkward
sigh
stinking of irony.
I wish I could be like the others.
I wish I could sway my hips
and lick my lips
and feel
beautiful.
I wish I could preen in bathroom mirrors
instead of run straight by,
the ***** floor a better sight
than what the mirror would hold.
I wish I could be in the pictures
instead of taking them,
the friend referred to as pretty
instead of the one made to deliver the message,
the girl that talks instead of stays quiet,
already knowing the outcome.
I wish I could just
be
a
girl.
Whatever that means.
I wish the mirror wasn't the scariest nightmare I've ever had,
scarier than the men I can't please,
scarier than the fact that I can't please myself,
scarier than all of that.
There's a crack in my reflection.
How do I seal it up?

when you spoke to me,
your words caressed
they sounded like the sea,
washing away the sad imprints left on the shore

but when i spoke to you
my words screamed
they pounded on your door like a murderer
until you gave up
because i demanded to stay on your mind
for far too long

and that must've hurt.

I was once a believer in true love
I thought that if someone showed enough interest
And enough care and love
Enough tenderness and consideration
That they would be able to, in turn, be loved and appreciated all the same
When I gave that to you
When I was a mere player in your game
And bought into your plots and schemes
When I believed your excuses, your deceit
I came to the realization that all you did was reject me
You dangled your love in front of me
Just out of my reach
With that, you ruined me
You singlehandedly destroyed any hope I had for true love
I hope you sleep well at night
Knowing you destroyed someone who was once so sure of herself
And so capable of loving
Now all I am is numb

i cried so much
that the cries turned into screams
and i drowned in my own salt water

you are in love with a girl
and you think she is beautiful
you remind her everyday

you want her for yourself
but she has shadows
and they chase

her smile is empty
though you think
it's her prettiest curve

And her veins
they run with blood
she hates it -you've observed

you are in love with a girl
but she has nothing to offer
she despises herself, there is no heart to rob her

This Christmas
I reflect on the year
God gave me
This year was met with struggle
More than with ease
I sinned
I lied
Sometimes I felt so alone
But I'm reminded today
How I'm never truly alone
God is with me
And he's blessed me
With wonderful friends
And a supportive family
Sometimes along the way
We forget what we have
Christmas reminds us
Of how we're never alone
We were given a gift
Of eternal life
And happiness
That's the gift
That Christmas is about
Merry Christmas
And don't forget
That you're never alone