I was in my dream last night...
The girl in my dream was a self image that my self conscious created.

She had long thick curly hair running down her back like a wild river,
and There were these thin wisps of black curls that rested on her forehead and would not budge no matter how many times she swept them aside

The ensemble she wore was rich in color
I admired the way the colors complemented each other
incredibly lively and elegant
She wore an azure tank with an emerald silk scarf
A Celeste cascaded long skirt embellished with tiny vibrant glass beads that shimmered ever so brightly
She was bare foot but i couldn't help but notice every step she took
On her ankles were anklets that dangled the prettiest of gems

She walked towards me
Her beautiful clothing dancing against her body

She sat next to me on the curb and said
"You look sad, what is the matter?
i can see the circles under your eyes
the insufficiency of laughter

Your heart and your mind are intertwined
You convince your mind to keep you in a dark place
then your heart crumbles leaving your care-fee spirit behind.

These are simply realities you must face

you know, things fall apart
so better things can come together
it might break your heart
but believe that hurtful moments don't last forever

Sometimes in-explainable things happen
sometimes the going gets tough
but you cant allow it to break your spirit for too long
The sun will rise again, sure enough."

Then, just as she gracefully came,
she gracefully left
I Awoke.
She left me with my sadness
for me to decide.

You think about me when
Your in my thoughts too

I think how I found myself
And how you lost you.  

Waiting for a happy ending
Fighting with yourself when your not even winning

Wanting everything to stop
And its only the beginning.

My life is in shambles
So time where are you?
I'm waiting upon your arrival with flowers
Neck deep in anticipation

They say
"Time kills all pain"
"Time cures the deepest of wounds"
So I wait. I tally the
Nanoseconds, the minutes, the days.
Submerged beneath a huge mass of sentiments
I can't reach the surface

Time I need you.

Today I cried because I can see it,
     I can feel it.
Like a movie in my mind
     I see you and I in our kitchen,
     A million trinkets and mugs.
I can feel you in the whisper of asking
     If I want pancakes or waffles;
           with jam or syrup.
I can feel you
     In the nothingness of our mornings.
I see you in the heated debate of the evening
     And suddenly
     There is nowhere in my future I can see without you.
I know I always do this
     I always see a star and form a constellation
           but this time I'm right
     When you look at me
           it all makes sense and I know
           I need you here in all of my tomorrows.
     But it hurts to wait through all of the today's.
I know you don't believe I can see the future
     but this is so natural
The blood in my veins
     You are the beating of my heart.

It burdens me.

Because I know something happened
In that short span of time
While I was away.

Things always happen while I'm away.
Usually bad things.
I wish I was never away.

But I was.

And this huge tidal wave came crashing down.
All I'm left with when I return is
The sight of debris and destruction,
Things I cannot fix.

Things that are so mashed up
I can't see anything anymore.

And yet,
I see everything.

An emptied soul,
A broken world,
An isolated girl I still dearly love.

I've always lived inside a shell,
But i want to be free and
fly,
I've always felt like i'm nobody's,
but all i wanted to be
was everybodys',
I wasnt hungry for fame,
but deprived of love.
I still am.
I always thought i could
never be loved,
but i always badly
needed it,
I’ve always asked for
Recognition,
Because I’m never
Appreciated,
I’ve always called myself a loon,
Because I think,
I think too much dirt.
I don’t think im pretty,
‘cause from near,
When my demons are visible,
I see myself
My ugliness
Reflects,
Comes back at me.
More hatred.

When guys say , “ oh you’re so pretty,
You can get any guy you want!”
I shatter,because I think
They pretend and lie and repeat.
I don’t always get what I
Crave for,
Nor do I manage the relationships.
Or maybe they don’t see the real,
‘ugly’, ‘crazy’,’silly’,
Me.

I don’t see any bright light,
Darkness blurs my vision,
As if morning
Is still asleep,
Causing me more
Blindness.
But all I wanto see is
A ray of hope,shining at me.
For once,
I want to be called actually pretty,
Hot,cool,amazing,
From someone who’ll mean it and
From the one
I’d be able to believe.

But I am not sure
The pseudonym I choose
To live with,
Would let me
Accept what I am wishing for.
…….
That’s my issue,
I’m locked in this personality-cage.
I need rescue.
Save me from rage
Wake up.
Smile..
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