In the faded light,
the truth shone out.
There were so many explanations racing through my mind,
but " I'm sorry " kept spilling out my mouth.
How do you fathom these thoughts that only you can understand?
Behind every cigarette that burnt,
there was a reason behind each.
And oh i wish the problems could easily turn to ash along with it.
With every puff i intentionally destroy myself with,
there was even further damage with my silence.
Sorry -
I'm sorry.

( FAH )

The moon witnessed them.
There was great intimacy.
Not physically.
Not sexually.
Their hearts wrapped around each other's fingers.
Their words caressed their empty voids.
There was no denial that the moment was surreal.
It seemed too good to be true.
Then again, all good things come to an end.
When was the last time someone touched you?
No, not in-between thighs or chest.
When was the last time your heart was touched?
In the background were victory noises of strangers that seemingly depicted the joy in their smiles.
They didn't have to say it.
Their dead cigarette butts and weeds that were stuck on their skin were witnesses.
It was pure bliss.
A blessing-
that's what they feel towards each other.
This is not a poem about lovers.
Soulmates come in various forms.
Love comes in many perspectives.
Sometimes, soulmates don't stay together forever.
Sometimes, they part.
Sometimes, they don't.
It is all in their hands.
The same hands the cold wind kissed.
For the warm to match with the cold.
For the broken to find it's missing pieces.

( FAH )

everything i've loved, i've lost.

What do you know about silence?
Silence on the other end of the phone.
No breathing.
No laughing.
No crying.
Silence.
The white noise of fear.

What do you know about helplessness?
Helplessness in your own eyes.
Nothing you can do.
Nothing you can say
Nothing but watching
Helplessness
The catylyst of fear

What do you know about loss?
Loss of you mind, your friend.
It's too late he's gone
It's too late he's forgotten
It's too late you're crying
The post-mortem of fear

What do you know about me?
Me and my tired eyes.
Numb is my mind
Numb are my fingers
Numb everywhere
The desolation of fear

*The Suicide Diaries

If you love her, remember that on bad days.
If you love her, love her harder when she least deserves it.
When you spend the night out being intoxicated,
remember she is drunk, choking on her tears.
When your eyes lust over another woman's body,
remember that she stripped herself-
3 layers, 300 walls
she was naked for you.
When you light up and carve a smile on your face, talking to a past lover,
remember that she,
she has been kissing those scars on your soul for them to heal,
she has fermented herself in your bones for you to stand,
she did not expect her sacrifices to be sacrificed.
When you are buzzed in your life, when there is hardly any energy left for you to talk to her,
remember that every ******* second she's without you,
it was a hell of a marathon for her.
When you get upset over her mistakes, correct her.
But remember do not correct her when you have wronged.
When you are tired of handling her emotional hurricanes that storms through your routines,
remember that those are just bad days.
Remember that storms pass.
Remember her when she laughs at your jokes that everyone else finds less humorous.
Remember her wide smiles and her glittering eyes when she looks at you.
Remember how she survived your storms.
If you love her, remember that on bad days.

( FAH )

Five word story:-
as long as you're happy.

(FAH)

The fire turned into an angry fire,
even if the flames were not yet visible.
Our love got dark and indistinguishable,
beneath the volumes of smoke towering above.
Yet,
the fire did not come that day.
Only the smell of it,
and the sight of smoke.
The sky,
bright yellow.
I saw it coming.
I saw us breaking apart.
Did you?
As the sky gets even yellow,
i felt more and more threatened.
Your fingers interwined with mine,
we ran.
We ran from the savage destruction that was now almost visible.
Then you let go.
You let go to save yourself.
As the air thicken,
and flames flutter from branches,
flowers crackling,
everything we built together,
burnt into bare earth.
I remembered you promised,
for better or for worse.
This is my worse alright,
but you promised.
Where are you now?
You know what's worse?
I'd never leave you behind.
I'd grab your hand tighter,
and we'd run together.
And when serendiptous victory is ours,
we'll rebuild.
We'll plant seeds again.
But you ran.
You ran away.
But the worst part is,
I won't blame you.

(FAH)