You look down on me from your high tower.
To me, you're full of beauty, strength and wonder.
I cannot count on the words you utter
To tell me the truth that lies in your heart;
Instead, I'll read your eyes as a start,
Then I'll study your expressions,
Look into the patterns of your mannerisms, your tone,
Study how you're different in private, with friends or over the phone.
I'll let you seep into my heart and mind,
Let you change me, I'll leave the me from the past behind.

All for what, I ask?
If it's a sin to love you...
Then why can't I let go?

Do I **** out the life from you
Like a leach?
Were you more excited about your future before meeting me?
Do I remind you of despair and insecurity?
Do I bring forth the future's unpredictability?
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

Never thought about how all this could hurt you,
My Romeo...
The poison we'll take is heartache.
But which of us will have the courage to break this curse?
Which of us will drink from this cup first?
"Drink poison now, or live longer in thirst."

As I edge this vessel to my lips,
Romeo,
I remember the nights we spent together
Gazing into the lights in our eyes.
Romeo,
I remember you singing from the heart
As you held me tight, Oh Romeo...
Oh the things we'd whisper,
Oh the games we'd play.
And my favorite part was when
You would read my soul as if it was on display.

Yes, my Romeo...
I did warn you, didn't I,
That the lights that burn brightest, burn fastest.
And how bright did we burn for each other?
Oh how much did we yearn for one another?
But I still find myself yearning,
Dreaming of the possibility
That you'd see life the way I do.
But that isn't fair on you,
Neither of us will change.
"So the quicker we drink the poison,
The easier we'll be unchained."

As I sit on this bench
And the chilly breeze raises my skin,
The birds sing their beautiful songs,
And the leaves dance in the golden light;
The clouds sway and move,
They are thick and rich in colour,
And I cannot help but wonder -
How long before this moment lasts?

Home is infested with vermin
And no tool will help me clean it.
I pray in my room, and listen to sermons,
And I’m anxious over my future
For I cannot see it.
I cannot help it, I am afraid,
But I’ll wilfully enjoy this calm.
I’ll hold my hand as it shakes,
And I’ll wipe a cloth over my sweaty palms.
For what choice do I have
Other than to stop and wait?
I cannot agonise over that which
Is out of my control,
So I’ll work with fate,
And no matter what happens
God remains great.

The silence
Embraced me with its gentleness
And caressed me with a form of peace
Lying below, or above,
Somewhere in a deeper dimension.
As I’ve been constantly at war with
My limits,
I saw how she struggled to connect,
Interpreted stillness and quiet as a threat
To her image: the girl she learned she had to be
Just so that she could make sense to other people…
To me.
I can’t believe you speak to me in this way.
But I’m only repeating to myself
The early words I learned as a cub,
“No, you must not speak, no one wants to hear, you have nothing to declare, you’ve been foolish, you must be embarrassed every time, how dare you come out of your shell!”
Never got to learn
Who I was beneath the clouds,
Beneath the fog and the illusions.
All I’m doing is trying my hardest
To avoid humiliation,
Trying my best to be liked by you.

Let me cherish this.
This pure love I have for you.
Not for what you look like,
Or for what you can do,
But purely for the person that you are.
Let me cherish this sweet innocence.
Let me rely on the remembrance of your smile,
Or the times when you’d speak to me,
To fill me with glee.
Let me hold on to the peace I felt
When remembering the fact that I’d be around you
Would calm the storm of my turbulent mind
Even for a short time.
Loving you isn’t painful,
It’s natural and comes easy.
It has been a blessing bestowed onto me.
I feel like I know you beyond words,
I feel like you know me.
It is tragic though, when I know that I can’t have you, it’s true,
But to have had the honour,
The pleasure of knowing you,
Even for a short time,
I am grateful beyond what words can describe.

Why do I think that
I’m exempt from certain fates?
Why do I think
That I’m different from others
And separate from their struggles?
Maybe because you were here with me
And we faced the world together
And we made a home
With hard solid foundations.
But with a huff and a puff
Satan shook the skeleton
The very structure
The very innards
And I felt the shiver
And the dread that
Perhaps nothing,
And I mean
Absolutely nothing lasts forever.

So it is in moments like these
That I feel a pathetic kinship
To the most desolate
And The most desperate of man.
Oh how small I am.