Sabika

Sabika May 2023

As I sit on this bench
And the chilly breeze raises my skin,
The birds sing their beautiful songs,
And the leaves dance in the golden light;
The clouds sway and move,
They are thick and rich in colour,
And I cannot help but wonder -
How long before this moment lasts?

Home is infested with vermin
And no tool will help me clean it.
I pray in my room, and listen to sermons,
And I’m anxious over my future
For I cannot see it.
I cannot help it, I am afraid,
But I’ll wilfully enjoy this calm.
I’ll hold my hand as it shakes,
And I’ll wipe a cloth over my sweaty palms.
For what choice do I have
Other than to stop and wait?
I cannot agonise over that which
Is out of my control,
So I’ll work with fate,
And no matter what happens
God remains great.

Sabika Apr 2023

Judgement Day

Judgement day is not near,
It’s here.
Ears whisper to me the things I’ve said.
Hands show me what I’ve done.
Feet take me back to where I’ve been,
Heart sings the songs I’ve sung.
Judgement day is here.
The future is happening.
The first seed is always infinite,
Unfinished,
And the past is always taking place
Somehow.
Judgement day is here
And actions and intentions are
Never erased.
If you make a mistake you better do
Something else that can take its place.
Judgement day is here and
You verse yourself in the race.

Sabika Apr 2023

The Silence

The silence
Embraced me with its gentleness
And caressed me with a form of peace
Lying below, or above,
Somewhere in a deeper dimension.
As I’ve been constantly at war with
My limits,
I saw how she struggled to connect,
Interpreted stillness and quiet as a threat
To her image: the girl she learned she had to be
Just so that she could make sense to other people…
To me.
I can’t believe you speak to me in this way.
But I’m only repeating to myself
The early words I learned as a cub,
“No, you must not speak, no one wants to hear, you have nothing to declare, you’ve been foolish, you must be embarrassed every time, how dare you come out of your shell!”
Never got to learn
Who I was beneath the clouds,
Beneath the fog and the illusions.
All I’m doing is trying my hardest
To avoid humiliation,
Trying my best to be liked by you.

Sabika Apr 2023

The Gift of Loving You

Let me cherish this.
This pure love I have for you.
Not for what you look like,
Or for what you can do,
But purely for the person that you are.
Let me cherish this sweet innocence.
Let me rely on the remembrance of your smile,
Or the times when you’d speak to me,
To fill me with glee.
Let me hold on to the peace I felt
When remembering the fact that I’d be around you
Would calm the storm of my turbulent mind
Even for a short time.
Loving you isn’t painful,
It’s natural and comes easy.
It has been a blessing bestowed onto me.
I feel like I know you beyond words,
I feel like you know me.
It is tragic though, when I know that I can’t have you, it’s true,
But to have had the honour,
The pleasure of knowing you,
Even for a short time,
I am grateful beyond what words can describe.

Sabika Feb 2023

Pathetic Kinship

Why do I think that
I’m exempt from certain fates?
Why do I think
That I’m different from others
And separate from their struggles?
Maybe because you were here with me
And we faced the world together
And we made a home
With hard solid foundations.
But with a huff and a puff
Satan shook the skeleton
The very structure
The very innards
And I felt the shiver
And the dread that
Perhaps nothing,
And I mean
Absolutely nothing lasts forever.

So it is in moments like these
That I feel a pathetic kinship
To the most desolate
And The most desperate of man.
Oh how small I am.

Sabika Jan 2023

The Submitted Lover

Oh, I can't help but feel warm inside
When I think about
All there is to love,
All there is to fear,
All there is to see,
And all there is to hear.
I feel soft and gentle,
And I watch the waves of life
Flowing through me, around me,
And passing me by
With all there is to hate,
All there is to feel,
And all the scars that are left to heal.
And I love it! I'm alive! I'm living!
I can thrive! I'm floating! I'm swimming!
Oh I love it! I love it!
I'm alive, I'm living!
Oh why, I can't help it,
I'm dancing! I'm singing
With a smile and with tears;
The entirety of life's weight on my heart,
And I just fall so much deeper in love.

To be tied, to be linked;
Oh it feels so euphoric to be so connected,
So in sync.
And I would hate for this to go away,
For my swollen heart to shrink.
This playful love that I have
For a life filled with pain and grief,
For a life so preciously brief,
Oh God, please don't take this away from me.
I feel deeply blessed and gifted
When I truly don't mind how life gets,
No matter how joyful and lighthearted,
No matter how dark and twisted.

Sabika Jan 2023

She Forgets

She wakes up and forgets what it means to be human.
Your expressions, your mannerisms, your tone,
None of them evoke truth,
Or what is really going on.
There's always something more,
Something far far beyond.
So when you are plain and clear to her,
She doesn't trust it.
It's best if you write it with a felt-tip.
If she doesn't have another sounding board to bounce off of,
How does she know what reality is?
She cannot tell who is genuine or who is a fraud.
She wakes up and says she forgot.
So she would rather sit in her corner
And observe how we interact.
She'll memories what works
To make up for what she lacks.