Sabika

Sabika Jan 2023

I Wish

I wish you were a bit more daring.
I wish you would come and tell me how you feel instead of staring.
I wish you were bold enough to touch me.
You used to come close and smell me.
I wish you would have taken me home that night.
I wish you'd laid me down and kissed me
So that I could've felt alright.

Sabika Jan 2023

My Confusion

To depict my utter confusion
Let me speak clearly.
I don't know anymore
What is wrong and what is right.
Perhaps I've never known
Exactly what separates daylight from the night.
And when I look into it
There are so many perspectives,
And time is spent on each
And each is compelling.
I've learned through experience
That to an extent, everything is true,
And I've learned that
No one is a villain of their own story
But they are all a victim of life's tragedy,
And I don't know what I know anymore when
I have empathy.
And I've been so deluded and mislead;
Made my own superstitions from my head,
And gave a character to life that was unfair,
So what am I really doing here?

Sabika Dec 2022

To Her

Here's to the girl who lied constantly.
To the girl who thought she knew reality.
She was onto something, definitely,
But this is the girl who reveled in stupidity;
To the girl who nearly sold her soul.
To the girl who was taken as a fool.
To the girl who was there for her friends,
Through thick and thin,
And didn't get the same back from them.
To the girl who knew everything about them,
Yet she was still the stranger.
To the girl who actively put herself in danger.
To the girl who became popular and was still lonely,
To the girl who never got to know me-

I'm here now.
You can stop crying.
I appreciate how hard you were trying.

Sabika Dec 2022

Who Am I?

I don't just listen,
I accept it as reality.
As I swim through past oceans,
The oceans swim through me.
Why do I reminisce over a memory
That does not remember me?
Why do I long for a moment
That was fundamentally hostile?
There's always something to learn
From an undiscovered experience.
And my chest shakes and I am scared to see
What it was like to live back then;
Constantly calling to me in whatever language I speak in,
Constantly calling me to let the devil back in.
And I've grown confused as I've wandered in the grey,
As the darkness claims much of the light for itself:
Flawed memories portraying a false sense of self
Getting in my way.

So who am I
In this wretched kingdom,
where you must sacrifice your soul to live in?
Who am I amongst a people
With hedonistic intentions and self-centered ambitions
Searching for love and belonging in propagandas?
Who am I
Amongst a community broken
Within a religious doctrine
Bastardised by hypocrite preachers
Assuming hell has frozen?
Who am I
Amongst my satanic desires,
Within my willful ignorance
And sinful longing?

Perhaps I'm being too harsh,
Too hopeless.
There's a light,
An innocence within me.
Above all
A desire for pure peace and harmony,
A magnetic pull to beauty,
A child-like curiosity,
A rebellious strength against established hierarchy.
You need to prove your worthiness for my loyalty.
And God has loved me,
And has gifted me,
And has taught me
All things good.
And I have to keep a balanced view of all things
If I could.

Sabika Nov 2022

He ***** My Future!!

Her skin glistens like honey,
Her scent pulls me like gravity,
Her curves incite potential.
She is hazy,
Like a ghost, or an apparition.
When I move forward, I don't get any closer.
She is my envisioned future.
And you grab her, father,
You pin her down and you **** her, father,
Repeatedly, you hurt her, father!
She turns bleak,
Her screams make me run!
And I run! But I don't get any closer!
Her tears stream and stretch towards me in rivers,
Her hand, outstretched, quivers,
But I run and I run
And I don't get any closer!
Stop!
Stop it!
Father!!

Sabika Oct 2022

All Things

Closer than it seemed,
Yet further in my eyes;
Reflection upon reflection,
Effected and Effecting live, in real time.
One eye shut while the other is open.
Half truths from half-arsed perceptions,
They become lies, an artful deception.
Yet that does not stop the reality:
All things, two sides of the same coin.
All things separate, yet as twins were joined,
All things are all things,
Intertwined as one from the beginning.
Understand one, you understand the other.
I move my body and my body moves in the mirror,
Mirrors in mirrors upon mirrors
Reacting to each other.
So I flip the pages of this book,
Teaching me about my mind,
Teaching me to look with one eye,
A mirror covered,
And suddenly
What you seek becomes easier to find.

Sabika Oct 2022

To Live

To ebb and to flow,
To whither and regrow,
To rise and to fall,
To forget and be reminded,
To sway,
To float on a wave,
To bounce,
To swing back and forth,
To go through cycles, winter to spring,
To know,
To touch,
To feel,
To see with inner eyes, inner ears, inner heart.
Inclined towards what is sought.
Understanding the language of God