I poured out too much,
Disregarded a filter
Or a second thought.
I was not human,
I was a shadow
Under the spell of the past,
Remembering why certain friends and enemies last.

I was diabolical.
Forgot the person I was.
I was weak to the temptations
As my heart and mind raced
Under the adrenaline rush.
So many faces, and all these thoughts.
I began to float again, high up above.
And so, without being able to hear my own cries,
I hurt myself
With the things I said,
I hurt myself
With the things I did,
I hurt myself
When I bring the old me back from the dead.

Right here,
In my centre
lies my core.
In it there's an ocean,
There's light and
There's wind.
In it, there's a baby,
Laughing,
Crying.
Above it there's nothing but space and whispers.
Below it there's nothing but earth.
But here...
Right here,
Lies my precious core.

Its gravity pulls all those around.
Its gravity compels me,
To it I am bound.
So it is here
I feel, I hurt,
And I heal.
So it is here that I bleed, that I bloom,
In daylight, and in gloom.
So it is here
Where my soul resides and dwells.
This little planet shrinks and swells.
It encompasses me, it has the power to cast spells.
It overwhelms me, this body is just its shell.
So well?
I live, by and by,
And try my best to filter its voices;
This core is powerful because it's sensitive
To what's seen, unseen, felt, and unfelt,
To presence and absences.
It can be most truthful,
Most delusional,
But it is my core,
Seated at the centre of the chest.
Beating,
But not in the flesh.

The waves sing a siren's song,
The song is a sweet melody,
Inviting.
It is about safety,
About rest,
About the tendency to forget
One's aches and pains.
So the sailor,
Routinely bewitched and overcome,
Sinks into the folds of an ocean-wide kingdom.
The waters blanket him.
It's hard to resist.
When he gasps and glances at awaken reality,
Gravity pulls him back gently.
He doesn't realise the passage of time.
He's longed for these moments
When the ocean is merciful enough to help him forget himself.
But he can't stay for long
Flirting with death.
Once the sun rises
And its rays point towards his closed eyelids,
The tide shrinks as if through a drain,
And the singers disperse,
Awaiting the next moonrise.

To cope I am suspended,
Somewhere between reflection and avoidance,
Floating somewhere in bewildered aloofness,
Between the extremes of exaggerated truths,
Absolved from responsibility
And yet crippled by guilt and shame.

I take my medication and to cope
I am suspended, mid fall.
Unsure whether I should punish myself
For doing what I thought would fulfil me,
Or stroke my ego,
Lift myself up above negative consequences
And outlooks, and believe that I am
Absolved from all sins.
There’s always a good excuse
For falling, for flying.
I’m suspended, numb.
It’s become the rumbling beneath my feet,
The stabbing pain in my heart,
The habit to forget,
The suspense of suspension.

When will I crash, when will I soar?
What are all these thoughts for?
I don’t have the answers,
I’m scared if it’ll hurt to find them.
So if remain
Suspended in mid air,
There is no risk
Will I be fine then?

Have you ever
Felt a woman’s touch?
Tasted a woman’s love?
Heard her lust in her warm, soft, voice?
Have you ever traced her curves
With your fingertips,
Caressed the edges of her hips and *******,
Pinched the tip of her *******
And suckled on her sensitive skin?

Young man,
Have you ever been tainted by her stain?
Intoxicated by her breath?
Let her come to you.
Get to know her signature.
Let her love settle like snow hugs the branches in winter.
Let it sink and burn like acid on a corpse.
Hear her skin pulsing with your tongue
And drink from her fountain.
Let her come to you.
Let her words declare your rebirth.
Young man, do not shy away.
Purpose is embedded within her body and soul,
So do not run.
Let her come to you.