redisappointed
discarded again
don't put in any effort
in fear of seeming too drawn in
everyime i think it's changed
i wake up fighting my sheets
what i want will never exist
outside of my dreams

every night someone new
becomes the man of my dreams
at this point i'm not even tired
i've fallen in love with falling asleep

when my eyes close
i'm transported to a world of light
safe from the worries of today in the
sanctuary of the night

when will you learn
that you can't just fake
take break invade desecrate

everything you touch
burns with pain
strained stained hate engrained

i woke up this morning
without a thought
and it was nice

not hating myself
or begging
to die

it shouldn't be
this hard to
stay alive

i woke up this morning
hopefully today
is fine

im no1s number 1 n thats 2 bad
its 3 am n im dying 4 u 2 luv me back

best friend to the worst
all you had to do was not mess up
i did the forgiving
the accommodating
cleaned up the messes
soothed your nerves
deescalated the tantrums
prevented the meltdowns
ALL
YOU
HAD
TO
DO
WAS
not **** it up
not lie
not forget
not leave

hollow and loud
my emptiness helps reflect the sound
of the voices telling me it's too late to try
die a little more inside
craving fulfillment
or a problem i could actually deal with
so stuck in my feelings that i can't think
each day brings me closer to the brink

they say it's easy to be ungrateful
for things you don't know that you have
now that you're out of my life
and i have my sense of calm back
i will never
take advantage of it again
you were a disgusting liar
but disguised yourself as a friend

i hoped you would try harder
not just let me go
at least i had the courtesy
to even let you know
that it seemed to
be an issue with me
it's easier to walk away
so you just retreat

hope you had a ****** day
know that's really ****** to say
but if i can't play an active role
and have to make sense of all this pain

then i think it's okay
to hope you have a ****** day
it's been dark a couple months now
and my sunshine through the rain

is hoping you're having an even ******* day
that my absence ruins your means of escape
thinking 'she should be here'
and remembering you pushed me away

that everytime things are looking up
you feel a bit ashamed
it didn't have to be this way
i already had enough on my plate

so yeah it's hateful of me
but what else can i say
i won't do anything to make it happen
but i hope you've been having some ******* days

the wind blows a little colder
let's me know its time
suddenly i know all i need to know
half a year you burrowed in my mind
incapable of just forgetting
how could i
when cemented yourself
into my life
when you went out of your way
to make yourself mine
when you gave me no other option
but your lies

seeing those things
makes me get all twisted
you're not with her
but it feels like i'm sharing

seeing those pictures
make me wanna be distant
i'm trying not to isolate
but it's hard to treat this fairly

error report illegible
my mechanism's broke
i see your double life
and it shatters my sense of self

i thought i knew you
but i'm alone
sometimes its hard to love
when you can't trust anyone else

skintight
the loneliness is
midnight
how many calls have you missed

bet she's blowing up your phone
bet you're pretending you're alone
bet you'll play it dumb
bet you'll say that its no one

but even miles away
i can feel the shake in your words
wanna be free
but don't wanna hurt
me but lying
is never gonna work
i know you too well
i know you too well

because even this far
i sense the lilt in your voice
wanna be free
but don't feel like you have a choice
trying to be gentle
but only manage to destroy
i know you too well
better than myself

pitch black
see if that helps
fun fact
i'm still overwhelmed

bet she'll sneak through your phone
when you're pretending you're alone
bet you'll play it dumb
bet you'll say that its no one

but she won't let it go like me

it burns to stand beside you
even if you mean no harm
the heat of the situation
penetrates my safeguard
it hurts even when you
dont mean for it happen
choosing to befriend you
led to more pain than I'd ever imagined

tell me it will be fine
say anything at all
i'm always listening to you
but do you hear me?

when i whisper i can't
my mind echoes with i give up
do you hear me cry at night?
tear-soaked sleep

i dare not dream of waking up
to face another drowsy day
where it hurts to get up
and be who i'm supposed to be

with all the giggle and the laughter
a pinhead of light in a flood of dark
but when i burn out
who will brighten the night for me?

i wait for a flicker
but the darkness continues to suffocate
after all of my sacrifice
will no one come to save me

i'm just so sad
it's like i forgot how to be anything else
it consumes me
there's nothing to want when i don't have what i need

please
just find me
release me
I CAN'T ******* BREATHE
what's wrong with me
why can't i just be happy

say less
don't feel the need
to get something off your chest

won't guess
beyond playing into the game
or involving in your mess

it's fine
you can go ahead and leave
say your goodbyes

save time
ain't no more use in pandering
won't listen to your lies

You tell me you’re suffering
But I took the pain away before
I don’t feel bad for you
Because you keep asking for more
Lies and Betrayals
Should’ve have stayed with me
You cry all these tears
Because you strayed from me
Don’t try to come back
It’s a little late for me
But, babe, don’t you want her?
But you been needin’ me lately
Some day I swear you’ll be
Regrettin’ all these choices
Wish you didn’t cave in
To those inner voices
But I’ve been through

Faded Nights
And empty days
To forget you
And your selfish ways

U-turned on me, babe
Couldn’t wait out this ride
Now you’re ******* a stranger
Every other night
Trying to get me off your mind
Because you struggle with the idea
That I did love you
At some point in time
I did want you
Let all the memories of us
Haunt you
My presence will burn and my absence will
Taunt you

I’m on the verge
Of going insane
Thoughts of you are
Like needles in my brain

I’m pulling through just fine
I’m gonna be okay
I know I that I can move on
It’s temporary pain

Oh
Oh no no no
You chose to let go
You chose to let go
                   Shame
                   What a **** shame
                   You had to play
                   These stupid ******* games
                                                           ­  Please
                                                          ­   Just leave me be
                                                             When I feel your touch
                                                           ­  It leaves me empty

Empty Heart
Empty Days
****** with my mind
In too many ways
Now it’s an empty life
Without me by your side
Want me to fill in
Till you make up your mind
But, babe, catch a hint
Read the signs
Stop wasting my ******* time

Because you’re empty
Just like me
When you don’t have love
But that’s not love
It’s poison
Laced with lust
You need something more, babe
You need trust
You need an “us”
You need
You need
You need
But you take what you want
And leave what you don’t
Treat people like this
And you always be alone
Childish as ****
But act like you grown
Too good to be true
I should’ve known
Why fight to be with someone
Who numbs me to the bone
Whose presence is worse
Than being alone
You’re drowning in pain?
Sinking like a stone?
Calling for that trick?
She only listened when you made her moan
Calling for me?
Calling me on my phone
Really think I care?
Here’s a secret; I don’t

have you ever just wanted to drown
in the emotions you're choking on anyway
everywhere you turn there's a complication
you can't just abandon life
but you don't want to face
all of the issues around you
don't feel the need to experience all of that pain
but it's not a choice
you get to make
to the misery
you must subjugate
in this moment
this life
you are its slave
they ache
for your failure
and its your tears that they crave
bitter salt for a bitter world
is it black or white
can you be wrong and right
so confused and gray
where ever one must choose a side
you linger
you sway
either choice could do you in
that's why you're afraid
to make up your mind
to just be let down
it doesn't matter anyway
we're all just blips
in the history of earth
another person with opinions
another corpse rotting in a grave
years from now
none of this will matter
no one will care what you did
much less about you
they won't even remember your name
but still it hurts to exist
in this moment
considering all of the mistakes
you are bound to make

eyes accuse me
fingers point through me
guilty by association

passing by excuse me
if you don't like it sue me
acceptance is overrated