talking to wall
but he's a good looking one
and that's something at the end of the day

lucky to be
with someone like him
even though the lack of chemistry drives me insane

all i can know is me and mine
and even that can be a mystery sometimes
i could waste time trying to read your mind
or work on bringing love to my own life
and honestly the best thing
seems to be investing
in the best me
not being messy

when you've been burned
as many times as me
you don't even
react to the heat
i avoid pain of course
but don't wince as i bleed
prepared for the worst
as i traverse cautiously

in the depths of my tired mind
you materialized
it was love if i have ever known it
suddenly taken once awoken
and i know it wasn't for ever
it's just now i crave a together
i spend too much time isolated
heart too fragile to avoid the breakage
already gone but you never existed
when will i look forward to more than dreams and wishes

your own medicine
is your poison
you blow ****
out of proportion

layer the *******
liberally
yet everything must be
taken literally

the hypocrisy is
astronomical
a larger discrepancy
virtually impossible

it's not that hard
it's not so bad
you doubt yourself
after the fact
you led me on
now want me back
gonna kindly
reject that

if i'm being honest
i feel fine
i've found better uses
of my time
maybe the offer
was quite nice
but i'mma have to
politely decline

i don't want none of the *******
that comes with loving you
dealt with it for months now
and where has it taken me to
besides the edge of this bed
and the end of my wits
can't find it in me to be
the idiot you fell in love with

finally awake
avoiding today
i love you all
and have to say
this last week was rough
but i need to be okay
thank you for waiting
until i was safe

didn't think
no i didnt
didn't think
you would

even then
i'm not angry
even then
i'm not so good

there's something burning
smoke making it hard to see
there's something hurting
pain making it hard to breathe

and oh if you could kiss it away
don't you believe it would be gone by now
every surface could be washed by the rain
and it still wouldn't rid us of the blood on the ground
if i could sleep this all away
i'd surrender consciousness no doubt
but  when i'm forced to be awake
it's all the same regardless of how

hard i try and deeply i wish
for everything with us to be okay
but you don't care as much as i do
so i was always doomed to feel this way

slipping under
falling down
finding myself
new ways to drown

thoughts lost somewhere up in the sky
the stars replace them inside of my mind
all my doubts could fill up the universe
but i'm appreciating how the moon sits so high
gonna enjoy how the darkness is so calm
not focus on what i didn't do right
pushing the negativity somewhere out of existence
just letting myself relax underneath the stars as they shine
no more anxiety or worrying tonight
soaking up the tender moonlight
like i'll never see the fine Miss Luna again
tired of wasting precious time

you know they say love is blind
all your red flags up on display
with thousands of views
you ****** with my head
now i feel so alone and used

you said you wanted me
you lied through your teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
and now i'm left here so ******* confused

look at all my insecurities
now on display for the world to see
you made me feel useless
left to clean up this mess
once again

you said you wanted me
you lied through your **** teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
look at me sitting here struggling to breathe

i told you how i felt
you still show no remorse or guilt
still no response
no spontaneous admission of love
that i wish your heart felt
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been




red flags that were somehow not seen
when you said you wanted me
when you promised to never leave
you lied through your **** teeth
and you know it

trusted you with with my insecurities
thought we were sharing vulnerability
now as i struggle to breathe
it's out in the open for all to see
and you condone it

yes
you control it
if you feel guilty
you don't show it
facade never cracks
not for a moment

yes
i should've known it
with most of these feelings
i've outgrown them
nonetheless i'm here
but i don't wanna own it

i told you how i felt
still no response, still no guilt, no remorse
no attempts at reaching out from your end

no spontaneous admission of love
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been

make it quick
smother me in bed
push me off a building
shoot me in the head
make it all stop
make it all better
i always said i'd love you
not that we'd always be together

why would you do the same
you'll have me anyways
no need to work it out
if i decide to live with the pain
why would you ever need to change
or force yourself to rearrange
the way things are right now
have come to like your place

i want you to talk to me
but i don't wanna ask
the edges of my mouth itch to smile
but i'm terrified to laugh
all the nice things
seem just out of reach
how am i to know
if you really want me
unless you say so

if it's gentle
let it crash
if it's fragile
let it break
you shouldn't
have to work so hard
to be with someone
anyways

if he wanted to
he would
if he cared
he'd show up
for some people
your very best
will never be
enough

find someone
who understands
find someone
who wants to
don't waste
your precious time
trying to make
someone want you

there
are
things
you
just
don't
know

understand
accept
be grateful

i've taken some time
and gave it some thought
fit the pieces all together
then pulled them all apart
looking for answers
and finding none
some things can't be explained
to the brain or the heart
i tried to understand
why you can't feel the same
but i can't psychoanalyze you
without ruining the mental image of who i think you are

the day
i have the motivation
to do anything not required of me
you'll all be doomed

overreactive
painfully attractive
just cause you want it
doesn't mean you should have it

the price of a joyride
the heart of a boy i
will never truly know
seemed like a cool guy
now i feel used dry
ending on a flat note
i made the decision
said i was okay with it
even though i was reluctant to even go
ofcourse he's indifferent
should've trust my intuition
but i just didn't wanna spend the night alone