youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Oct 2024

like a shadow you take up the periphery of my life
never clear enough to validate how much you scare me
and just out of sight and never there when i finally turn
not really here but still hindering my peace

i need to take a personal inventory of what really matters, don't i?

youcancallmesierra Oct 2024

false bottom

needles and pins
if not now then when
a thought makes me wince
i loathe myself for needing

to be high for this
and thinking about him
might not give into my whims
but it's not a good way of thinking

staring out but lost deep within
hearing nothing but the wind
phantasizing fingertips
i feel shame for dreaming so freely

but then again
i'll never touch another skin
so does it even count as sin
if you knew, would you leave me?

i'm scared that i might be evil sometimes

my mind flies further than my body.

can you ever know someone other than yourself?

it's hidden somewhere i hope you dont find.

would you even know what to look for?

did you ever check the bottom drawer?

youcancallmesierra Sep 2024

patchwork

i'll put myself back together
staples, glue, and thread
and get the fact that you don't love me
through my stupid head

and i'll start from scratch
relocating my sanctuary far from yours
rebuilding brick by brick with ****** hands
until i'm better than before

i'll take the lashings
and accept painful truths
i'll find a silver lining
and even try not to hate you

but with all of my humility at stake
and the maturity i've managed to show
i'm still mortified
by the customs you forgo

my best efforts
don't absolve or garnish your transgressions
nothing makes it better
but at least i learned my lesson

youcancallmesierra Sep 2024

surgical glue

flesh separated
from temple to toe
cracked like an egg
scored clean through the marrow
scraped of all utility
disregarded past my prime
left as a pile of rotting innards
futility found to be a punishable crime
and as i lay in waste
extinguished and razed
borrowing hope
and counting my days
i realize that my dereliction
is a symptom not my being
i have a purpose beyond your shrinking views
you would never free me

that's something one can only do for themselves
and the answer won't be found in anybody else

(you lied to me and i believed you)

i'll put myself back together
and i'll better

youcancallmesierra Sep 2024

wilson; my only friend

call me up late
let's go out again
wait in your car
until i come down

we drive the old way
never had plans
unguarded hearts
synchronally pound

til one beats astray
my needs felt like demands
leaving with things as they are
unsorted and sore throughout

you lead me to the plank
but closed your eyes when you pushed me in
somehow you wish me harm
but can't stomach to see it play out

it's just another day
i keep staring at my hands
things only stretch so far
so i learn to live without

i'm too raw to rain on your parade
but i know who i am
and i play nice even when it is hard
remembering what goes around
comes back around
and round

i'm on a raft drifting away
you're stranded on that island
amounting to a sum less than all your parts
you won't find me on the rebound
i'm free now
i'm somewhere feeling loved by now
i ride right by that lighthouse
and feel so merciful to be unbound from your doubt

i'm my own friend

i'll draw a silly face on a volleyball and be okay
i know real life isn't castaway
and i'm not tom hanks
but most of all i'm no longer astray