youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Aug 2022

something isn't adding up
but then it all makes sense
i want to collapse into the moment
using the emotion to ascend
giving it time to develop
and when it reaches that sweet maturity
the syrupy feeling envelopes me
i find temporary refuge from insecurity
coughing up love and other byproducts
trying to decide how it all tastes
rumination and divination
your favorite place in my brain
i miss it too and it's only been hours
scared to want something i could lose
but sometimes the best we'll ever get is that simple
i am wound up and around you

i like it when it's calm like this
even though the silence only makes it easier to hear the things i wish i didn't
i never want it to change

youcancallmesierra Aug 2022

don't play dumb with me now

that double standard
don't feel so good
when it's you on the other side
but it wouldn't be you
because i watched you burn
as the arson just scaped by
and no i didn't look for good
in a place where
there was none to be found
i didn't wanna hear his story
or see his face
or become adjusted to the sound
of lies and violation
belittlement and manipulation
i wanted nothing but to see you okay
but you laugh with my abusers
and flock to my tormentors
like you didn't see any of my pain

and maybe
just maybe
you didnt
at the time
but what could you speak to now

youcancallmesierra Aug 2022

wonderfull

the fear of not being enough for you
is crippling and lonely
i'd share but it'd seem like a bid for attention
and it just isn't like that at all
i watch you be kind
and find love for people
living everyday with this lightness
bringing happiness to everyone
who ever has the fortune of
meeting you
wonderful you
and i see myself
struggling to find patience
a fight to keep the illness contained
knowing i can be better
because i have been better
and i've slowly gotten better
but i'm just not who i want to be
i hope you don't see
how hurt
how tired
how lost
how weak i've come to be
but instead
i hope you know
how much better you have made me
just by showing me
there's so much to be grateful for
and that i wont always be the person
that i am today
one day
i hope i'm more like you
wonderful you

youcancallmesierra Aug 2022

9.21

right now
i feel stupid
you were someone else before
and all i see now is this
amalgamation
of mistakes and accidents
and things done on purpose
for self gratification
or recognition
that feeling of eyes
can drive a person mad
all of the time
i spent worrying
about how MY actions could affect YOU
just to feel like
you never thought of mine at all
to love is to remember
and you didn't even forget
you just didn't learn me in the first place

youcancallmesierra Aug 2022

one promise

if you can't love me
let me die
if you can't trust me
let me lie
keep your requests
save your goodbyes
if you can't love me
just let me die

it's always something
you always find
a problem with me
and you're always right
it's all on me
to make it right
if you can't forgive me
i might as well die

said it about
a hundred times
a hundred more
to say i tried
when you dont love me
don't you lie
be man enough
to watch me die

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

wheres that grace for yourself huh

restless
no sleep for the torn
keep the fire burning
by tearing up the floorboards
effectively destroying the house
the temple you've learned to hate
is it too late to love myself
or could i get another take
a second chance to be grateful for
what hasn't happened
or am i the type of broken that can't be fixed
defined by somebody else's actions

dear god
i hope the **** not

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

get outta there

i bet you wouldn't like it

impeding my peace
embedded in my dreams
inserting yourself in to
all of my most secret fantasies
waking up unwillingly
rolling over back to sleep
right back to where we
left off so casually

in the dreamscape it's so nice
but it's so toxic in real life