satan was his favorite angel
and he still let him fall
then what's the hope for the rest of us
a dead line receiving a desperate call

i'm not graceful
or gentle or timid or light
i'm angry and clumsy
and confused and can't decide
but i thought i chose you
but all i did was pretend
can't build a relationship with someone
who won't even try to be your friend

waiting
on a text on the word
for anything at all
pacing
in my mind and in my room
getting nowhere at all

it's like you want me
but there's something wrong
or you hate me
but i turn you on
i can't tell
and either *****
it's night like these
i wish we never ******

debating
if i should say something
or pretend this is fine
praying
that you aren't gonna hurt me
and that you'll make up your mind

because it's like you want me
but i'm not enough to make you happy
or you hate me
but it's too easy to just pass me
i can't tell
but i hate that this is how things are
it's nights like this
i wish i didn't have a heart

breaking
bleeding
crying
you
taking
leaving
lying
you

jus­t want this feeling to go away
that i'm nothing and the shame
or that i was just some conquest to claim
but that's the only way
i can make it make sense in my brain
and i wanted you anyway
how sad is that
couldn't really say

fork in the road
either way *****
but i know
it's all for the best
either i get what i want
or i don't
i have to live with
whatever happens next

it feels like if i
don't take the leap
i only hurt myself
but saying these things
and owning these feelings
feels a lot like hurting myself

but thats just cause
i'm throwing myself out of the comfort zone
cause it's easy to love the pain you know
all i knew when i woke up today
was that something here has got to change

and its like
what else can i do
or should i do
am i doing too much
or too little
getting excited for what
i'm so tired of myself
and the expectations that loom

if all else fails
i have my dreams
but those get ruined
even in the silence i don't want to keep