youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

but why
must i
be everything
i don't
but i try
and it leaves me
feeling like nothing
i want him to see me
as something i'm not
i want them to like me
but i'm too tired to lie
and i tried already
i want to be good
but i make mistakes
i hurt people
and say horrible things
lying at night
thinking
how awful i am
just awful
i'm tired
and i don't wanna argue
or ruin your good time
i just feel bad
and there's nothing i can do
so there's nothing you can do
don't worry
it'll be like this forever

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

moody haze

don't depend on me to be better than you
not at this point
i was good to you and i tried my best
and you made your choice

because everything i was wasn't what you wanted
failed attempts to be what you needed
i changed to fit your vision but you couldn't see it through
and now you don't wanna believe it

i was so good to you even when you burned me
even now i'm not mad i'm just hurt
i waited for you to love me
now i just wait to leave this earth

i'm not gonna tell everyone your secrets
or list every wrongdoing for fun
i'll just fall apart until i don't fall apart anymore
and find peace in the fact that we're done

it's all that i can do

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

onetwothree strikes

waiting
on a text on the word
for anything at all
pacing
in my mind and in my room
getting nowhere at all

it's like you want me
but there's something wrong
or you hate me
but i turn you on
i can't tell
and either *****
it's night like these
i wish we never ******

debating
if i should say something
or pretend this is fine
praying
that you aren't gonna hurt me
and that you'll make up your mind

because it's like you want me
but i'm not enough to make you happy
or you hate me
but it's too easy to just pass me
i can't tell
but i hate that this is how things are
it's nights like this
i wish i didn't have a heart

breaking
bleeding
crying
you
taking
leaving
lying
you

just want this feeling to go away
that i'm nothing and the shame
or that i was just some conquest to claim
but that's the only way
i can make it make sense in my brain
and i wanted you anyway
how sad is that
couldn't really say

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

melaton n

it's so sad
these dreams i have
where i have you
they'll be over soon
but i can't forget
the feeling of your skin
pressed into mine
even though i'm haunted half the time
remembering what i've done
i just regret being young
it's just killing me to have this space
but there's nothing i'm willing to say
to make it change
because what if you just don't feel the same

i don't know if i could take it
i'm this weak
for you
i'm gonna fall back asleep
so i can feel that way again
you're too strong

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

drawn and quartered

fork in the road
either way *****
but i know
it's all for the best
either i get what i want
or i don't
i have to live with
whatever happens next

it feels like if i
don't take the leap
i only hurt myself
but saying these things
and owning these feelings
feels a lot like hurting myself

but thats just cause
i'm throwing myself out of the comfort zone
cause it's easy to love the pain you know
all i knew when i woke up today
was that something here has got to change

and its like
what else can i do
or should i do
am i doing too much
or too little
getting excited for what
i'm so tired of myself
and the expectations that loom

if all else fails
i have my dreams
but those get ruined
even in the silence i don't want to keep

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

u&i

you knew
i know
i'm getting dusted away
like nothing
i hate that i feel how i feel
i wish i felt nothing at all
i resent you for being okay
i hate myself for letting myself be used
i this
i that
i need to disappear
i wish i was anybody else
because i'm tired of the skin i'm in
i don't serve a purpose anymore
other than to ruin everything i touch

youcancallmesierra Jan 2022

can't wake up

i woke up everyday
feeling bad but going out of my way to feel worse
now i know what you think that i'm worth
i flinch recalling the bite of those words
so much i could say but i don't wanna see you hurt
and i guess that's where we are different

i woke up everyday
unfortunately and tried to push off the thoughts
how could i be wrong
for wanting what everyone does
you keep telling me how i feel
but that wasn't how it was
compromise isn't an ultimatum

i woke up everyday
and all i asked was
to be met with equity
you took all my charity
now you left me
feeling like i was wrong on the deepest level
for ever wanting something more
hearing everything you say
i wake up the same kind of sore

i wake up everyday
and cry sometimes too
because i'm tired of pretending
and i might end up hating you

you said it with no hesitation
you took what was worth it for you
and you left the best parts of me
and told me they meant nothing
stupid stupid stupid

but it's okay
i'll be glad you're gone
when this doesn't hurt so much
it's just that it still hurts so much