that pocket of reality
where you still want me
is where my brain idles when i finally get a break

it's counterproductive
but it helps me function
despite all of the excuses i continue to make

no you never promised
and if i'm being honest
i suffocate in all the things you would never say

it's that fact that you can lie
and i just have to let it slide
because you owe me nothing even if i don't like it that way

and what's one more crime
circle around the block another time
collateral of the path of destruction left in your wake

it's easy to be dumb
but now i'm harder than i was
and one day i won't even care about this pain

or at least i hope

i swear to god
i swear to ******* god
oh god what have i done

the manifestation
my rotten imagination
think i'm gonna throw up

you dont understand
how such thoughts can
break someone down to nothing

i'm not strong enough for this
i'm too tired to throw a fit
just keep finding things to take from me

and you giggle as i mourn
its okay if it get broken
as long as it's not yours
i didn't ask to be born
i didn't want it to come to this
but we're here whether or not we like it
but you make it impossible
for me to live
because you ruin everything i'm still living for

you had me there
for a second
i cared
but now it's cold
where it used to be warm

catered to a part
of me and it almost
fooled my heart
but i let go
before you could do more

respectfully
where do you come off
thinking you can be like this to me
loneliness can cause delusions
but i'm not that desperate

have had quite a few
realizations after
crossing paths with you
it's okay that i cared
it was just for a second

one moment of weakness
that's all you'll ever be
if i'm nothing that's alright
whatever you make of me
i'm everything you said
the insults don't pack that same punch
when i know you'll always believe
whatever keeps you emotionally numb
are all those selfish reasons you live for
gonna be worth it when
everyone's left and you're broken again
tell me who's gonna save you then

i'm trying to understand
be patient with me
really outdid yourself this time

can't reach far enough
to jump to the conclusions
that would make any of this alright

wrong names and tiring games
changing your mind
in the middle of the night

the universe
just really wanted me to know
that the only thing i can get from someone like you is a pretty lie

and short-lived one at that
can't even keep the ruse up
long enough for me be hypnotized

letting the anesthesia wear off
before you bleed me dry
cause you get pleasure from watching the last of my hope die

past discretions
burned-in sights
carnal pleasures
easy fights
you picked on me
cause you knew that i

would crumble beneath
your lightest touch
like teasing incessantly
and taking too much
my softest intentions
crumpled up

this is hard
harder than i thought
parts of me want it to work
but i feel like it will not
the balance between
needs and dreams
close enough to touch
yet too unavailable to keep
something has gotta give
can't you just make up your mind
i'm not really asking for a lot
to just know where you've drawn the line
cause i'll be needy if i'm honest
i'll be wrong if i push too far
and cold if i walk away
and embarrassed as **** when you break my heart
it's a lot of ins and outs
yet no solutions reveal themselves
i'm not asking to box you in a corner
i just want you to be true to yourself
just a icky sticky situation
i wish you'd do more if you aren't gonna leave
cause this halfway caring and broken conversation ****
is the worst kind of thing you could do to me

because i don't know what i'm doing
and i don't wanna be the girl
you laugh at with your friends
looking stupid waiting on a half truth
that means more to me
than it does to you