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why don't you say it again
say it again
or are you scared
why won't you say it again
we can't stay friends
said you never cared
words can break someone
burnt the **** out
can't even worry about
those things i swore i couldn't forget
are distant from me now
but pain fades away slow
and while the physical sensation goes
the psychic damage lingers
and i remain haunted by what i know
i'm stuck in this place that reminds me
of all the worst moments of my life
too helpless to do good for myself
and too exhausted to make things right
i can't tell what's worse
caring too much or not being able to care
i would be more than happy to help you out
if i even had the heart to spare
where did it go?
maybe i feel used
because i was used
maybe it hurts so much
cause i would never do that to you
i try to make sense
but i know that it's *******
don't come around me after this
asking for forgiveness

you ruined everything
i hope you're happy
misshapen
graceless
beauty for a price
i wanted
to make it
but i fell just shy
much shy
too high
to buy
your love
but mine
is here
if you'd like
for now
i'll just die
as another
catches your eye
i'm nothing
if i'm not fine
i'm nothing
when your not mine
some things don't change
my nightly pain
you never came
here i wait

bed unmade
woke up late
midnight games
rotting my brain

i used to think and feel and know
now all i do is lay and loathe
at 3 am alone and cold
fantasies of my favorite ghost

am i the only one that hopes
do you understand how deep this goes
can you feel the pressure when i get close
when you're stepping over the pile of our clothes

and when you're closing the door do you turn back around
or do you just keep fleeing without making a sound
it's a little too late to spare me now
just stay in the safe space and placate my doubts

and try to leave again once i'm finally out
don't try to make it better by hanging around
you just make it worse when you won't put me down
if you don't care then don't care and get out of my house

i don't need any more false hope
getting that one last word in
before the door gets slammed
ignoring boundaries
crushing hands
spitting on my shirt
contorting to rage
i know the signs
i read your face
hours of interrogation
my answers don't change
i understand where you're coming from
but i still feel the same
caught in the cross section of a thousand thoughts
hate me when i'm here and blame me when i'm not
always giving input never thinking to stop
and realize it's not your job
to decide what is good for me and tell me what to do
never will i ever have to go through you
to decide what is best for me which isn't even news
i am gonna do whatever i was gonna and want to do
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