pushing all the buttons
top floor
to rock bottom

elevator broken
i'm not moving
out of options

trying to make sense
out of how
i got here

this isn't funny anymore
i suddenly
fear

i didn't wanna
feel the pain
so i shut the door

wanted to forget
just live life
on a different floor

but i'm stuck
in the one place
i don't wanna be

the only place to go is
the only place
i wanna leave

i open my eyes
but i still feel everything
despite my every effort

have to blink again
maybe if i get some sleep
i might feel better

i'm just afraid
if i let go
i'll just be sitting there

staring out of the doorway
watching it happen
forced to stare

can't change the moment
the past is frozen
in itself

maybe it's my fault
never said no
still won't ask for help

i just wanna
get off on a different floor
and be okay

pressing all the buttons
but my situation
stays the same

eyes won't meet mine
cause they know what they'll find
you need to be able to live in yourself

know this wasn't the right time
but you care about your feelings more than mine
you'll just say you couldn't tell

physical contact made me wince
reliving it makes me sick
but you're excited for whatever's 'next'

i'm not lucky enough to forget
unaware you've got the ick
or you know but you continue to press

swear you wanna save her
never needed any savior
but since you're so nice
why do you pretend to not know the safe word
you violate her body and trust
subscribed to a one sided 'love'
you refuse to know the truth
because you're consumed by a need for touch

just like that
it's over
will likely never
get any closure
you keep
avoiding my calls
mystery remains
unsolved

confused
as to what to do
shouldn'tve
depended on you
but i did
and now i am ******
somehow
i'm never enough

to hold you eyes
or know your plans
close my eyes
remember your hands
nothing will make me
understand
youre never gonna care
to know who i am

i miss you
like an old friend
troubled trying to
comprehend
how it was never
how i felt it was
only explanation you give
is just because

you let me
hang myself with dreams
you were fine with how
it all seemed
when you benefitted
from knowing me
now it's a lie
no mystery