sometimes
if things would stay the same
that would be great

but that's not
the way things are
we've all nursed a broken heart

or two
it's part of the human existence
gotta learn to live with it

go on and pour it all out
can you put it back in now
just the way it was
nothing can ever be undone

it's not that hard to understand
stop saying that you can't

january
was cold
was long
was full of new experiences
crying every day
not used to that kind of pain
i lost a friend
i lost many actually
but i lost someone i forgot to love
and it broke me
then i pushed away the people
who forgot to love me the way they should have

february
don't remember much
i shut down
i bled
i swelled
i burst

march
the same
and of course
i get locked in
i push myself harder than ever
then i meet someone
they hurt me
as per usual
and i meet somebody else

april
he wanted to speak to me
we grew close
i felt better

may
late night talks
no labels
but we have to be something more than friends
because friends don't speak to each other like this
there couldn't be another
i have his attention

june
she comes back i think
he distances
of course
as she is beautiful
and more manipulative
and they were meant for each other
i just didn't know it yet
he drifts

july
we don't speak
i am heartbroken over someone
who chose to let me go
and not even discuss it
we talk again but i can't forget how it felt
to be forgotten
people forget to love one another
we fall off again i think
not sure
a lot is fuzzy
he made it confusing
all i know is by the time

august
rolled around
we were over
and life burned out
lost two brothers
one to distance
one to methods
i don't prefer to discuss
it broke me
it all gets fuzzy again
i just remember screaming
and hurting
and not knowing what to do with the pain inside
pushing on
and doing what was expected of me
and oh
i graduated some time back
how funny the real milestones are forgotten

september
i meet him
he's new
he's something else
he's the best thing for me at the time
he tries
and that's more than anyone else could or would do for me
this helps

october
was chilly
fuzzy
nice
we grew close
it hurt but
i think i've blocked all of that out

november
by this time i'm sure we argued
cause we did at some point
i was still hurting
and refused to trust him
i don't still to this day to be honest
but i just remember feeling too ugly to love
and that is a horrible way to feel
when you need someone the most

december
cold
chills to the bone
empty holidays
of course there are things to make me happy
but i remember this time last year
and all the things that haunted me then
still haunting me now
bad friends
bad choices
people i cared for who misused my trust
and abandoned me for what
not much
januaryfebruary
march and april
i'm scared to grow up
and live another year
sometimes it only seems like
pain is the only thing waiting for me

you got your high school friends
a dead end job
some dreams
and someone who doesn't love you
the way you need them to

when you could've had me

i'm not on top of the world
but i am trying to grow
and that's more than you can say
for your friends or yourself
i'm already someone else

remember when i told you to leave

because you wanted me to change
submit to your needs
while you never considered mine
you wanted both sides
bad decisions and good people in your life

i waited to hear you say sorry

for the longest time
and when you did apologize
it was just too late
i grew up and didn't need it
and i couldn't believe it

you only wanted company

because you've isolated yourself
with the choices you've made
no friends no lovers no hope
you pushed me too far away
and you're trying to turn back time to fix your mistake

but its done finally

and i hope you find true happiness
i wish this didn't have to happen like this
but it did
because you couldn't see my worth
had to lose me first

i can't help you find you when i need to worry about me