january
was cold
was long
was full of new experiences
crying every day
not used to that kind of pain
i lost a friend
i lost many actually
but i lost someone i forgot to love
and it broke me
then i pushed away the people
who forgot to love me the way they should have
february
don't remember much
i shut down
i bled
i swelled
i burst
march
the same
and of course
i get locked in
i push myself harder than ever
then i meet someone
they hurt me
as per usual
and i meet somebody else
april
he wanted to speak to me
we grew close
i felt better
may
late night talks
no labels
but we have to be something more than friends
because friends don't speak to each other like this
there couldn't be another
i have his attention
june
she comes back i think
he distances
of course
as she is beautiful
and more manipulative
and they were meant for each other
i just didn't know it yet
he drifts
july
we don't speak
i am heartbroken over someone
who chose to let me go
and not even discuss it
we talk again but i can't forget how it felt
to be forgotten
people forget to love one another
we fall off again i think
not sure
a lot is fuzzy
he made it confusing
all i know is by the time
august
rolled around
we were over
and life burned out
lost two brothers
one to distance
one to methods
i don't prefer to discuss
it broke me
it all gets fuzzy again
i just remember screaming
and hurting
and not knowing what to do with the pain inside
pushing on
and doing what was expected of me
and oh
i graduated some time back
how funny the real milestones are forgotten
september
i meet him
he's new
he's something else
he's the best thing for me at the time
he tries
and that's more than anyone else could or would do for me
this helps
october
was chilly
fuzzy
nice
we grew close
it hurt but
i think i've blocked all of that out
november
by this time i'm sure we argued
cause we did at some point
i was still hurting
and refused to trust him
i don't still to this day to be honest
but i just remember feeling too ugly to love
and that is a horrible way to feel
when you need someone the most
december
cold
chills to the bone
empty holidays
of course there are things to make me happy
but i remember this time last year
and all the things that haunted me then
still haunting me now
bad friends
bad choices
people i cared for who misused my trust
and abandoned me for what
not much
januaryfebruary
march and april
i'm scared to grow up
and live another year
sometimes it only seems like
pain is the only thing waiting for me