it's nights like these
struggling to breathe
trying to think
good thoughts
but its harder than it seems

it's times like this
apologies on my lips
at the end of my wits
a lot of folk
but no one who'll miss

me when i'm gone
sighs of relief and a yawn
like thank ******* god
not to paint them as bad
because why would they be wrong

i'm alone because i'm horrid
must've asked for this
inexcusably morbid
don't know how i did it
but i'm to blame for it

as i let my heart break for the thousandth time
drying tears before they can leave my eyes
the most horrible thought entered my mind
why did it take me this long to realize

i
forgot
your
birthday

there's constant reminders that you're gone
and now missing you feels wrong
how can i deserve to feel like this when
i forgot your birthday

i had to ask and i was ashamed
i should've known and i wish i could make
some excuse to make this better but
i simply forgot your birthday

and i am told that i shouldn't be so hard
on myself but i'm sick to my heart
and hate myself for
forgetting your birthday

and now i realize
even now that i was told
i already forgot your birthday
again

i don't deserve to miss you

make me promise to reach out
if things get worse
and god
do i wanna trust those words
but before things even take
a ****** turn
my energies are ignored
much less returned

don't come to me asking questions
the answers will break your heart
i don't have it in me to be
the reason you fall apart

i don't know anymore
how do i decide whats acceptable
and whats not
just need someone who doesn't make me feel wrong for caring
and then insinuate i'm dumb for wanting to
i know my opinion is not what anyone needs
not now or ever
but i think i care when it matters
i suppose