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storm cloud on a sunny day
looming and impending rain
washing over us with never ending pain

a darkness i brought
a guilt you took on
but i promise that none of this is your fault

we head separate ways alone
there's things about the other we'll never know
when i got scared i should've said so

there was so much i let get in the way
in a different world we would be okay
but people grow and people change

in the darkness i brought on us
you were light and calm and warm and trust
but the storm turned out to be too much

ran out of power
things went **** in an hour
sweet memories turn sour

we were great now we're in tatters
who knew effort mattered
only a **** reality to have after

self destructive and i'm not gonna fight it
i've lost my purpose and i'm tired of trying to find it
this isn't living and i'd barely call it surviving
i'm gonna go now and don't worry about trying find me
my sister wanted me to write from a prompt and some of this is nice af so published it is :)
oughta be more careful
with the thoughts you entertain
with the words you carelessly say
with the people you choose to claim

it's easy to
excuse your own mistakes
put too much on your plate
lose when there's too much at stake

just be cautious
as you try to find your place
when you come across a new face
and always check both ways

because when that car comes out of nowhere
when life takes you by suprise
you won't be able to do much
but keep asking yourself why
the ******* did
what you did
if you knew something bad would happen
would you still do it
i already regret most of
the vulnerability i've shown
questioned my intuition
but when you know you know
i should have known
but i chose to disregard
let my judgement get clouded
by matters of the heart
convinced myself that you
wouldn't make me regret caring
i'm gonna keep caring too
even though it scares me
that i could love somebody
that ******* cold
intrusive thoughts
have been taking their toll
and no i can't hide from myself
but i can choose who to be
your indifference doesn't make you cool
stop treating me like charity
not good enough
for me
or for you
don't say
i'm being silly
you know its true

cause if she's a five
what am i
close my eyes
try not to cry

because i don't
think this is what
you're trying to do
when i don't wanna
be myself
you'll be confused

but you don't get it
so just forget it
already did it
too late to fix it

cause the things
you say manage
to hurt
when i'm in
front of the mirror
i hear the words

they never leave me be
feed my insecurities
i hate having to be me
sorry for what you have to see

i live everyday
feeling you're much more
than i deserve
but i feel like
out of your choices
i'm nowhere near first
what you want
what you got
who i am
who i'm not
she's not real
but boy did she try
insecure i bet
but so am i
hating myself for
not being someone else
could guarantee this isn't good
for my mental health
normally i wouldn't
but i guess
you beg for answers
so what if i fail your test
you're nothing to me
much less a threat
but i'll oblige
because i like ******* with your head

and so it goes

when she looked at me
she was everything but you
the most beautiful things
the most wanted in the room
and i knew i wanted her
before we even spoke
is that it
or is there more you wanted to know

cause i could go

on and on and set the scene
lingerie between teeth
hanging breaths and muffled screams
almost like some kind of dream
my words put you in the room
you asked for this didnt you
i know its wrong but i'm amused
you look pathetic and awfully confused
oh you thought i meant what whispered
i love you under your skin like blisters
i preferred your sister
she was a much better kisser

anyways..... so...

sleep well now and goodnight?
this was fun but now its time
because when you cry
it kills the vibe
so have a nice life?
or don't and wish to die
either way i'll be fine
your happiness would be cool
but i only care about mine
i tried writing from a weird perspective of just a complete utter ******..... idk about this but we gon roll with it
say i'm fine
thats a lie
but i will be
that just takes time
for now i guess
we'll just be friends
gotta embrace the end
and learn where your boundaries begin
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