i'm tired of dealing with it
thats the truth
i'm crushed by the weight
that was knowing you
i've tried to run away
of course at no use

cause it's not a place or thing
i can avoid like the plague
you're a part of me
i can't push away
not that i'd want to
i need you to feel sane

but you're gone
and there's nothing i can do
i tried rationalizing it
with every excuse
but i can't accept it
and that leaves me pretty ****** *******

because i still need you
don't you know
why did you feel
the need to go
whatever possessed you
to ever think so

and as i lay here
i can't help but think
it should've been me
it should've been me
you deserved so much more
i failed you miserably

attempting to hold my breath
but i'm the antithesis of calm
in four hold seven out eight
but my ability to detach is gone
taken and replaced with an
all consuming dread
i try to have normal thoughts
but my brain screams he's dead he's dead HE'S DEAD
need to get a hold on it
but can't stop shaking uncontrollably
saying swear i gotta gain control of this
yet i'm spiraling inconsolably
nothing is effective
though i'd die to make something work
how can i convince others
if i can't convince myself first
how can i make it better
always making things worse
how can i go about this
without having it hurt
giving it my best and all
but ******* up per usual
maybe the fact i thought i had a chance
was beyond ******* delusional
i just wanna make it better
but i keep bleeding all over the place
i fall and i bawl and i claw into myself day after day
but nothing i do even touches the stains

much less being able to make them go away