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12.4k · Jun 2013
weed
hkr Jun 2013
i'd be the
**** in your garden
just to get your
attention.
3.3k · Oct 2013
stop playing detective
hkr Oct 2013
people seem to think that when someone's anorexic,
they'll know, because the person will never eat
i find this funny because
my best friend never ate a single day at lunch
and when they accused her of being anorexic
all i could think of -- as i was eating my lunch
-- was how dizzy i got
from just walking up the stairs.
3.1k · Nov 2013
hypocrites
hkr Nov 2013
smoking is bad*
preaches the teacher
as he bites his nails
in anticipation
of his next
cigarette.
hkr Jan 2014
i'm barely sorry that i hurt you
i didn't even love you
and now you're giving me
passive aggressive silence
hoping i'll give a ****
darling, i know that trick
darling, don't waste your time
darling, be careful
just because it's working
doesn't mean i care
it just means i miss you
r attention

i know it isn't fair
you did everything right
you were good to me
but everyone's heart
belongs to someone
and mine was already
taken

so when i call at two am
don't pick up
you're just another
*******.
2.8k · Jun 2013
freckles
hkr Jun 2013
i want to connect the freckles
on your faceneckshoulderschestarmslegsback
because maybe then i'll know
what love looks like.
i don't love him, but maybe i can learn to.
2.7k · Jan 2014
arrogance
hkr Jan 2014
i wonder if you're drowning me
in a glass bottle
dreaming of the day you drink too much
and i come to your rescue
i want to want to
but the truth is
i don't give a ****
and i can't apologize
enough
for not loving you.

just put down the bottle, babe.
there aren't enough tears
in the universe
to bring someone back
who never cared
to start.

i'll let you learn from my mistakes
if you'll let me.
hkr Oct 2013
i got in a fight with her daughter
the other day and now it's like
i'm a kid again
and she's the woman
who thinks children should be seen
and not heard

but i should be seen; i need to be heard

i'm going to scream until my throat bleeds.
2.3k · Jan 2014
cells ig
hkr Jan 2014
snakes get a new skin
every one
two
three months

we get one every
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven years

in five year's time
i'll have a skin
you never
touched

and i'll still probably
be conflicted
on how i feel
about that.
2.2k · Apr 2013
sweets
hkr Apr 2013
maybe
if i eat enough candy
i'll be sweet
enough for you.
2.2k · Oct 2013
accept+deserve
hkr Oct 2013
they say we accept the love
we think we deserve
so where's the love i deserve
where's the love
where's the love
i thought i deserved you, but i should have known better.
2.1k · Dec 2013
like a ship
hkr Dec 2013
today
it s
     u
        n
           k in
           that you really said
                                              i love you
                                               and that you really expected me to
                                               say it back.
                                               excuse my
                                               lapse in judgement
                                                                                    and lack of punctuality
                                                                                    but i love you, too.
                                                                                    please don't wreck me
2.1k · Apr 2014
manipulation
hkr Apr 2014
i think my heart
grew strings
trying to forget you.
and so did my head.
2.0k · Apr 2018
CARNIVORE
hkr Apr 2018
You talk about your past lovers like cuts of meat;
The ******* on this one, the thick thighs on that one, the firm *** on the other.
You call them Chicken, Cow, Pig.
You call me Dear.

I walk into your abattoir  of my own accord
and tie myself to the gambrel,
ask you to slaughter me, please, slaughter me.
Always the slaughterer, never the slaughtered,
I want to know what it feels like.

You do as I ask: strip away my skin, slice open my chest, remove my vital organs.
You have to separate my consciousness
from my carcass
to finish.

I am venison, fresh.
You mount my head on your wall
next to the others and
shut my eyes.
1.7k · Oct 2013
the definition of missing
hkr Oct 2013
i don't think that missing someone or something
is defined by the things
that remind you of them
but by the fact that you slowly --
-- but surely
forget those things about them
like their voice
and their laugh
and the way they sang
when they were in the shower
because they thought you never listened
i think it's the forgetting
not the remembering
that drives people crazy
to the point of calling and
hanging up
just to hear that someone --
-- you just came to mind
say "hello"
one last time.
[although, due to a lack of self-control, it's never really the last.]
1.5k · Mar 2014
currency
hkr Mar 2014
i beg for drunk texts like they're diamonds
knowing drunk words
are more valuable than sober
and that later
i'll be high enough to pretend
you sent me them spontaneously
and believe that i'm the one who's truly
on your mind
when it can't even function.
i wish i may, i wish i might, have this wish i wish tonight.
1.5k · Feb 2014
not everything is endearing
hkr Feb 2014
i could never be with you
nothing about you is
quite right
your flaws aren't lovable
but it's nice to think
that they could be
that i could
be with you
if they were.
he's too this, too that . . . never good enough. and i want him to be. i wish he was. but i'm too shallow to look past everything that's wrong.

not every guy who looks your way
can be the missing piece
you've been looking for.
hkr Oct 2013
i miss a lot of people daily and
sometimes i think about living
until i'm eighty
like this
constantly clinging
to the past
i'm not sure when i became
gatsby
and you became
daisy
but i'm realizing i miss nick, too
and jordan
and every guest
who came to my parties

is it time for me to get
shot
yet?
1.4k · Jul 2013
supernova
hkr Jul 2013
everything's funny
everything hurts
and it will all be gone
in the morning
i always hear people saying that when they're high "everything's funny and nothing hurts," but that isn't really true. everything's funny, but everything also hurts. it's like someone took your feelings and pumped them with helium. it's worth it if you can stay happy during the high but, oh man, if something bad happens -- you're *******.

i thought it needed to be said.
1.3k · Jul 2013
denim
hkr Jul 2013
i hear you carry my name around
in your pocket [instead of on your sleeve]
so convinced that i forgot yours
on the bottom of a glass bottle

[but i could never]

when my mother turned my jeans
inside out to wash
she found your name scribbled
inside, over and over
and over again.
1.3k · Jul 2013
chanel number you
hkr Jul 2013
maybe if he smelled like you
i wouldn't cry
when he ***** me.
hkr Jul 2013
colin kissed hannah instead
and i was nate's second choice
i found out about joe too late
and carson puked on my shoes
wyatt was the first everything
and louis was only a phone call
slade didn't care about my heart
and maklin shouldn't have

you were so much less, so much more
and i know because
it hurts when
i try to write your name.
1.3k · Jul 2013
yeah, really.
hkr Jul 2013
they call it depersonalization
dee-person-nile-zaytion
and it means i did the impossible:
found the switch to turn
everything off
so i can do what feels good
and stay away from what feels bad
and never have any real feelings
about any of it

at all.
when i think of you
i'm not sure i want to be
cured.
1.3k · Mar 2014
tl; dr: i hate myself
hkr Mar 2014
i've grown tired of my words
because they sound so much
like me.
at 12 am my emotions take a nosedive from static to tragic.
1.2k · Mar 2014
legacies
hkr Mar 2014
we grew up together:
postcards for parents
and cigarettes
for fireplaces
we were best friends.

year twelve
//september//||||
“welcome back, boys and girls.”
knees together. shoulders back. chins up.
welcome back, she means, to the routine of
eight am target practice,
courtesy of the handbook.
they get to dolly first
“immaculate as always, dolores. how is your father?”
then hermia
“i see you failed to purchase proper burgundy over the summer”
i hold my breath
“mary dear, my how you’ve grown”
and let it out as they move onto
“good heavens, alice, put on some clothes.”
she rolls her eyes.

in the bathroom i tie my shoes
to a soundtrack of gagging
and spray perfume down the toilet
when she’s finished.

she locks our pinkies
like we’re back in year nine
don’t tell dolly

//october//||||
the lower the sun sets
the more we’re in dolly’s room

she brews coffee in her contraband *** --
she won’t smoke with us, but coffee
is worth breaking rules for --
and tucks us into her bed
to tell us fairytales

yet somehow, it always ends up being hers

she talks about him
like prince charming
like he doesn’t have
a face of zits and
a weird haircut
like she can see
a future in him

alice gags under the covers
this time not out of self-hate
but disgust
and dolly laughs like a grown up
you’ll understand one day.

she does a little spin into her bathroom
to fix her makeup; “seeing him later”
and alice whispers
“if she weren’t dolly
i’d swear she was on the hard stuff”
i find myself trying to remember what it’s like
to be so happy
i could pass a drug test.

//november//|||
we’re smoking by the pier when it happens
with some sad boys
hermia seduced for cigarettes

she smokes the prettiest
and we’re convinced she doesn’t swallow
but a cigarette is a cigarette

alice always smokes like its her last
and i guess the boys like the way
she lights theirs for them

i’m not much of a smoker
but a boy from alice’s algebra class --
math for future ivy dropouts, as she likes to call it --
lights one for me anyway
and tells me his name
but both are forgotten within minutes

partially due
to my adhd [diagnosed by alice]
and partially due
to the security guard that rounds the corner
algebra snuffs our cigs and alice’s clan snuffs theirs,
but hermia isn’t so lucky
after a streaking incident last year
she’s been convinced they’re out to get her
and i guess she was right.
we offer her the coffee ***
as a goodbye present
but she pierces our ears instead --
what she promised to do for christmas --
and tells us where she hid
her lighter.


//december//|||
it’s just alice and i over break
since dolly has family
that actually comes home for holidays

i get a card from my parents
and alice doesn’t get anything
but when we walk into town
she treats herself to some hair dye
after all, it’s a five-fingered sale

my heart doesn’t beat in my chest
when we pass the security cameras
but i find myself wishing it did
wishing i remembered
guilt

an hour later
alice rinses the dye out
and emerges from the shower
the stretch marks on her legs
reminding me why
i let myself go numb

//january//|||
it’s new years and
we’re in somebody’s dorm room
watching fireworks on tv

everyone’s paired up;
dolly with her prince
alice with the same dude
hermia slept with,
rubber in his pockets
and me
with the sad boy from the pier
laying in the dark

he smells like the boy i lost it to
and i want to be sick
but when he kisses me at 12
i let him

some ******* pulls out a sparkler
i hear the fire alarm
then suddenly we’re drenched and
screaming, wet rats in the street

they call roll
no dolly
no prince

we wait for her in her room
alice falls asleep
until she comes in sobbing
a mess of
it was perfect
until the fire alarm went off

and
they’re shipping me out tomorrow
and, the quietest
he says there’s no point
in long distance.


//february//||
there’s snow up to the windowpanes
and everybody’s depressed
alice stays in my room
and they let her
knowing she has a history
when it comes to february’s

i.e. if they make her get out of bed
she’ll call her father

nobody has to know
that she lost her phone
in the snow last week
or that
even if she hadn’t
he hasn’t picked up
in months.




she likes to talk to boys instead
when she’s lucid
she brushes her hair
and opens the window
and hollers back at them
when they whistle

nobody has to know
she’s wearing her pajamas.

//march//||
when the sun comes out, so does she
“i’m going for a walk”
she says, in her pajamas
she borrows my phone to make a call

but that’s the morning
and soon it’s noon
and i wonder
how long one phone call
could possibly take?

when she isn’t back by dark
the school’s 911 call
only takes a second.

//april//|
they find her  body
at the bottom of the lake.

//may//|
“and what legacy have you given back
to the academy?”
i put on my graduation cap
and wonder
if the cigarettes
the sparklers
and *****
in the bathrooms
aren’t quite enough.
hkr Aug 2013
it's one of those nights
when everything hurts
everything hurts so **** much
and i know you aren't mine to miss
and i know you're slowly forgetting
my voice and
the way we talked
replacing me with a better memory than i could ever be
but all i want right now
all i need
is you
to just
be here with me

say
my name.
1.2k · Jun 2013
freshmen hazing
hkr Jun 2013
i'll give you a
good kick between the
shoulder blades
rub your face
into the ground
until you taste
the dirt
*this is what it means
to fall
don't *******
yourself
into thinking
it's love.
what is it with freshmen and thinking they're in love
1.2k · Nov 2013
everything is underwater.
hkr Nov 2013
i just want the road to feel real again
i want to feel the cold of the snow and weep
i want to sob, hard
and reattach.
depersonalization *****.
1.2k · Apr 2014
xx.xx.xxxx.
hkr Apr 2014
i didn't donate blood today. i could've, but i didn't. my friends did. all day, people talked about the donors like they were heroes. we watched a video about donating, about a little girl whose live was saved thanks to a donation. my friends' blood will save lives. but i didn't donate today, because my blood is thick with misguided bits of you and to burden someone else with that would be to condemn them, too, to hell.+
i'm feeling red today.
hkr Oct 2013
dear you, i wonder if i will ever have to specify who you are. if there will ever be another boy i will write so many poems about, so many poems to. you were the first. you haven't been the only, but then again you haven't been the only anything. there have been many since you. so many that i've begun to lost track, there have even been girls. when i met you i was homophobic, but look at me now. look how i've changed since i met you. look how i've fallen. when i fell for you i fell down the rabbit hole. i took too much shrinking potion, yet at the same time i'll always crave more. if i'm smaller when i see you will you love me again? is there even an again to be had? i'll never know for sure, so i've let myself believe that you loved me. that you could again. but part of me knows that our time is over. i can't accept it. i can't let you go. dear. i'm afraid to let you go because there is no one else to hold onto. there is no one like you. i can't breathe. it's been two years and i can't breathe. i don't want it to be three, or four, or more. i want my oxygen back, i want you. i can pray to god a thousand times and i will still want you. only you. pretend that i'm your soulmate and kiss me. one more time?
but i don't when it comes to you. take me. all of me. no matter who i kiss i'm nobody but yours.
1.2k · Oct 2013
hatexbeauty
hkr Oct 2013
there is too much space
on the sides of my face
and sometimes i imagine
slicking it off
someone once told me
that's called "self-hate"
but i traded their terminology in for
"self-improvement"
everytime.

maybe that's why
i think of "hate"
everytime someone asks
about a synonym
for "beauty."
but sometimes this **** writes itself.
1.1k · May 2014
sometimes i forget
hkr May 2014
i am a black hole
and you
are the stars.
shine a little light in my direction.
1.1k · Mar 2014
lol
hkr Mar 2014
lol
i can't believe i wasted
poetry
on you.
1.1k · Dec 2014
stapler
hkr Dec 2014
sometimes,
the s y l l a b l e s of your name
still feel like staples in my chest.
i'm back.
and so is he (in spirit.)
1.1k · Mar 2014
i'm packing up my life
hkr Mar 2014
and leaving all the you --
the sweatshirts
and the cologne
and the memories --
on the curb.
1.1k · Feb 2015
sleepy birdy
hkr Feb 2015
stiff from lack of sleep
i dream of monogamy
and all the pretty little things
i'm meant to dream of
(but never do)

massage my shoulder blades
and i'll take flight
is it possible to run on negative hours of sleep
hkr Jan 2014
if you deleted my number
it would hurt more
than every ****** thing
put together
and here's why

when i broke down on you
in february
i said i was just another girl
and you told me no,
you were you and i was me
and right then
we mattered
not as a unit, but as people
separate entities

here's the catch
you said ten, fifteen years from now
sure -- i might be just another girl

it's only been two
two years
if you started blurring me together now
with the other people who are just
taking up space
in your memory

i
think
i'd
die.
and the worst part is i'd never know.

you could get away with ******.
1.1k · Jul 2014
airtight
hkr Jul 2014
pushing for love is scary. people like to say that it's worth it. but love is a bitter boomerang; you push too hard and it comes back swinging, comes back pushing you, comes back beating you to the ground until you can't breathe. true love leaves you gasping for air, but not in the poetic sense. love leaves you tied to the bottom of the ocean with rocks in your pockets. trapped in a plane with your head out the window. inside of a plastic bag. love is suffocation. pushing for suffocation is scary.
1.1k · Apr 2014
buried
hkr Apr 2014
i think people die because they're all used up. whether they're 18 or 80, something inside them has run out of fuel. something inside them wants to be loved, or idolized, or immortalized or whatever they're after and they've run out of whatever makes it happen. so they die or they **** themselves and they fulfill their greatest desire; to be lost, to be mourned, and to escape the void they've been digging themselves out of their entire lives. six feet under.
hkr Dec 2013
dear michael,

i ******* hate you for wanting to be unhappy. do you and riley realize how ******* miserable it is? it sounds ******* to explain it that way, but you don't seem to get it. being unhappy is not poetic. it is not beautiful. sometimes, it produces beautiful things, but the sadness itself is ugly.

have you ever thought about walking in front of a car? have you ever thought about walking in front of a car and it passing right through you? like you aren't even there? because that's what sad feels like. not being hit by a car, but being so insignificant and utterly gone that it could hit you without shedding blood.

where do the parts go? where do the pieces go when a car hits a person? i'm not talking about their body parts, i'm talking about their soul -- god, i hate that word, but sometimes the words we hate (***, ******, ****) are the only ones that fit. words always have a place. do souls?

i'm starting to think the answer is no. not everyone will be a stockbroker. just like not everyone will rise above their hood. some of us just float. i'm part of an eternal migration south, michael. the mentality, not the place. are you coming with me?

are you sure you want to?
parts of this letter make me feel scummy. and i'm so sorry.

clarification: words in this letter make me feel scummy.
1.0k · Nov 2013
tripping
hkr Nov 2013
is there a difference between love
and lust? if you saw it would you
know it?

is there a difference between faith
and trust? if you saw it would you
snort it?
1.0k · Jul 2013
fuck soulmates.
hkr Jul 2013
you said that what we had
was really ****** up
and all i can think is
how ****** up?
more ****** up than you &
charlottesierraayamiarielascarlettsamyvonnepiasahada?
­were we the most ****** up?
please let us be the most ****** up
let me be the one
you ******* over
best.
*******.
1.0k · Mar 2014
i just wish i understood
hkr Mar 2014
i've broken other peoples' hearts
in a vain attempt to understand
how you broke mine
how you could love me
then leave me
with nothing but a cold shoulder
as a consolation prize

and i still don't understand
because i mourn for those
whose hearts i've broken
and i want to love them
even though i can't

but i'm not a mindreader, so tell me:
did you want to love me or
was leaving really so easy?
hkr Oct 2013
everybody talks about their boys
like they're daisy chains
or paper dolls
nearly identical and
dispensable
but for me there's only
you.
995 · Feb 2014
ouch
hkr Feb 2014
you say you miss me
like it's a chore.

i think i'm bleeding.
989 · Mar 2015
pockets
hkr Mar 2015
i'm not afraid of moving cross country -- i'm afraid of the leaving, of untucking myself from this pocket of america i call home; my hate has cultured so well here, snapping threads and poking holes for breathing. the dirt under my nails from all the times i tried to dig myself to somewhere better is as much a part of me as my lungs, my brain, my heart; always be-be-beating to remind me to keep going.

to keep looking for loopholes.

i'm not afraid of moving cross country -- i'm afraid of tucking myself away in a new pocket of this country, far, far away only to realize that i hate it there as well; only to snag my nails on new threads, only to find myself sharpening toothbrushes when i'm nervous, only to dig holes in myself in my sleep. i'm afraid of losing my pulse, that be-beat-beat.

but mostly, i'm afraid of never losing it.
983 · Apr 2013
february
hkr Apr 2013
f e b r u a r y
the month we all went mad
in parallel to the month of august
when we all pledged
right hand up, against our hearts, our chests

we are sane and strong and good

we all pledged
to stay well

six
months
later,
we toast to those people
those people who are unrecognizable, now, in the fog of the glass

they draw x’s and o’s with their polished nails
and blow desperate, sticky kisses
so we know that they were us
if only for a minute

our saints of the past
won’t cease ******* us demons,
when february has passed
they will be back

then we’ll blow fairy dust off our fingertips
& wake up
with ******* on the carpet.
hkr Oct 2013
while heartache has left me
it still lives in
the threads of your hair woven
into my carpet with the stain
from when you puked up
the alcohol
we bought together from
that bottle on the shelf we
had *** against and
then left the ****** in
the trash can
that still sits next to
my desk
where you taught me definitions
of words like 'wanderlust'
which still slip into my
small talk and
when i'm not careful
they come out sounding more
like heartache.
my line breaks are wonky but i'll fix them when i'm feeling technical again.
965 · Oct 2013
the l vents again
hkr Oct 2013
some of my friends have this habit
of waking up with letters on their foreheads
and falling asleep with numbers
on their lips

what happened to
when you grow up,
you can be anything


now people are essentially saying
you lost the right to a future
with your grade on that math test


do you see an L
on my face?

i won't starve just because
i'm not a human
calculator.
there's more to life than "points" and abcdef.
963 · Mar 2014
vanilla
hkr Mar 2014
he told me about how ***** his family's money was
stocks under the table and
overcharging black girls
to pull out their babies

i told him he didn't reflect that at all,
and he said he tried to keep his head out of the clouds
as if what i'd said
had been a compliment
as if it wasn't my way of saying
he was too boring
to have a story like that.
961 · Mar 2014
it's funny
hkr Mar 2014
when all your sorries blur together
they almost sound
sincere
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