I was with you because I loved the **** you grew in your basement and I loved the smoke that always came out of your pores
I loved the trouble and the panic when I almost got caught
I was with you because no one else wanted me and no one else would give me free **** and no one else would **** me and leave me alone
I only was with you and pretended to love you because I loved your drugs and I loved you inside of me until you forced me
I smoke a different strain and it's better than yours

and I can;t even write about it anymore

how do you expect
a plant to grow if you
do not water it?

[believe in
me]

"to love is
to hurt,"
you whisper,
eyes red and
bones hollow;

ah,
whispers a
voice,
*but to hurt is
to be alive

i hear the phone ring when
it doesn't, the door open
when it's locked, the
light switch flip when
it's off and i turn around and
look for you
still

i.
your hand on my elbow,
shoulder, wrist, and i
pretend not to
notice

ii.
you sing quietly on the
way home, like maybe i won't
hear you but
i always do

iii.
call me doll, and that's
okay,
i can be yours to
play with

iv.
we smoke together for the
first time, and you blow
rings, and i dance
for you

v.
chew me up, spit me
out, it's fine just as long as you
don't watch me clean my
messes

vi.
you mention your girlfriend's
name and i
crumble

he likes to call me dollface

and i let him unravel my threads,
because i'm not quite porcelain like he seems
to think - more so a rag doll, yarn for
hair, buttons for eyes, soft and
easy.

we started as a series of stolen things:
glances, secrets, moments in a walk-in freezer,
and i keep wondering how that all led us
here, stealing time as
he lights a bowl and i
dance circles in his living room

all the while he is watching
like he is in a museum, and i am
art behind a glass to
stare at, never
touch

he reaches out and falls short,
calls me over but never follows through,
pulls my threads and
sews me up again
each time
he calls me
dollface

call me an architect with shaking
hands, building buildings built
to crumble --
     if that what it takes to
     keep you, so be it;
     i'll find you in the rubble